


From Gallifrey to Tranzalore

by redrobin1989



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Gen, I will not destroy your computer by tagging every bonkers thing that happens, M/M, just know its DW and lots of weird stuff happens, this is a oneshot collection that covers every era of DW
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:47:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 74
Words: 92,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29290107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redrobin1989/pseuds/redrobin1989
Summary: The Doctor's journey through time and space has taken him on some fabulous adventures and terrifying escapades. These are the tales that define the legend as he crosses the universe in his blue box coming across all sorts of joys and sorrows. A series of one-shots on the Doctor and his companions.Crossposted from FF
Relationships: The Doctor & companions, The Doctor/River Song, The Doctor/Romana
Kudos: 4





	1. Thirteenth Times the Charm

**FIRST**

I was an old man with a crew of young humans. I was bitter and crotchety and very much a part of all that I had seen and experienced in my time on Gallifrey. I was outdated, obsolete in this new life I'd created for myself. I needed to move on from my darling Susan and finally get out of the shadow of the Time Lords. I needed a younger face, one that could keep up with these adventurous children. I needed to be able to smile at them and soothe their worries during troubled times. Most of all, I needed to let go of the strict Gallifreyan customs I'd been bound to for as long as I could remember. I needed to become a little more relaxed in more approach to the universe and maybe just a bit more silly.

**SECOND**

Alright, perhaps he'd been a little _too_ loose this last incarnation. Did he really think he could just gallivant around with his recorder and his humans and not be noticed? And to think of what happened to Jamie and Zoe…It made his hearts ache to see them ripped from him. I think maybe next time I won't be so open, so strange. It had hurt so much this time, the Time Lords are exiling him to Earth, his poor TARDIS will suffer because of him and now his friends will never be able to remember him. No, I should pull back a little, take the consequences of his actions gracefully but with just a bit of that dry humor this last body was known for. Dignity in the face of obstruction, that's who the Doctor was, now at least.

**THIRD**

Earth was a lark, I grew to really care for U.N.I.T and the little assistants I had. I'll truly never be able to repay them... But that's all over now! I've got my TARDIS back! The Time Lords have er mostly forgiven me and I have my TARDIS back! I've been suffocating here on the planet, I loved it, but it's only one planet in one time period. This new body needs to be young and energetic in order to keep up with this incessant need to go further and explore more. I've only just begun! I'm tired of being everybody's Granddad! Susan and Vicky and Jo, I love them all but I don't want to be a parent right now, I want to be free. I want to let go of cravats and stern expressions! I want to be wild and crazy _and I want to see it all_.

**FOURTH**

I'm not quite ready to give up this body yet, the one with the curls and the teeth and the wonderful sense of adventure. But maybe it is time I calmed down a bit, I'm getting up there in age and now I've got three young ones on the TARDIS looking to me for help. Help I don't think this body can properly give them. This next one, though I shall miss the scarf terribly, needs to be gentler. The sweet Trakenite girl has shown me how far politeness and generosity can take a person. I think that might do me good, I'll still explore, still endeavor to see it all, but I'll be less manic and a little more aware of what I'm doing. I need to be a little more stable to give the young ones a good example.

**FIFTH**

Sweet and gentle? Ha! Look at where that got me! Traken was destroyed leaving Nyssa an orphan, Adric was killed and Turlough was manipulated by the Black Guardian. I tried to be kind, I tried to talk my way out of bad situations, to keep the peace and how was I repaid? With death and with pain I didn't think my hearts could bear… well if that's how the universe is going to be then no more Mr. Nice Guy. Talking won't do me any good, not now, action is what this body needs now. A strong, stubborn body who will have what he wants and won't take any sass from anyone. The universe needs _the Doctor_ , not a vegetable wearing pushover. I need to be bold and brave and noticeable.

**SIXTH**

Though I was rather fond of this body it seems that not many other people were. This body was strong and determined to fight the injustices of the universe and yet he was called a cad and declared unfashionable! And yet… He was also weak. He lost Peri to the Time Lords and now Mel was at the mercy of the Rani… Yes this body had a good run but a new body was needed. One who has the same strength and perseverance but is… charming, funny even. Funny is good, I'm pretty sure people like funny. Most of all he wants control; he doesn't want the Valeyard to be in his future, he wants to be a savior not a destroyer. If the universe won't bend to his will with his voice then he'll bend it with his mind and his words.

**SEVENTH**

How did I end up on an Earth operating table? How could this funny, but calculating body not compute this? Another change is in order then. Both Mel and Ace had commented on how cold this body was. About how narrow-minded and cruel he could be at times. Their words always hurt him; he didn't want to be mean because he was the Doctor after all. No, he'll keep the funny. The girls loved how funny this body was, but he'll lose the harsh dominance he strived for in this body, the need to shape everything to his desire. He's a wanderer and that's what he wants this new body to be. A little bit sweeter, like the cricket fellow a couple times ago, and much more open to emotion. Oh no, not the anathesia! It'll mess with the re…regen-gen-er…

**EIGHTH**

I don't want this! I never wanted this! This war! This hatred! Oh Rassilon the fires are burning and I can't do anything! Please get me out of this blood stained body. I don't want to see these hands anymore, hands that were supposed to soothe and save and only ended up killing. They're all dead, the Time Lords. If I'm lucky this regeneration will go wrong and I'll die with them. This body was prone to forgetting, to be kind and sweet but not the next one. If I make it to the next body, I'll make sure that he won't forget, not ever. He'll be mean and tough and just live the rest of his life in miserable exile because that's all he'll deserve. Happiness is too kind for a killer who dares to call himself the Doctor.

**NINTH**

Look at her, look at my Rose; look at that funny little human shop girl. I'd just about given up on the universe, on life and yet she dragged me back into it, showed me that good still exists in the universe and even in myself. I've never been prouder to introduce myself as the Doctor than when I'm with her. So this next body will be for her. He'll be younger, kinder, funnier and can be a proper little human. He'll treat her the way she ought to be treated, love her like she loves him. This body I now leave used to hurt so much but she made me better, now maybe I can be better for her and for the rest of the universe. You fixed the Doctor, Rose Tyler, let's see what we can do now… together.

**TENTH**

It's funny how quickly happiness can leave you. I wanted to be human, for Rose, but I forgot that being human hurts. Hurts real bad. I lost Rose, Martha left, Donna might as well be dead and everything I hold close just seems to fall apart when I touch it. I was so used to keeping my emotions locked up but this body was always shouting into the air his joys, his sorrows, his victories. No, being human hurts too much. I need to step back and be the outsider again, the funny little alien with his mad blue box. I want to forget the pain so I'll ignore it; I want to hide it all under a new face and some ridiculous get-up. Time to let some other guy step in and take away the hurting, but with a smile, the humans always like it when I smile.

**ELEVENTH**

He'd lived in this body thinking it would be his last ever. He's run with Amy and Rory Pond, kissed River Song senseless and solved the mystery of Clara Oswald. It was a good run and he'd been prepared for that final goodbye that never came. Now he's invigorated with energy, a brand new set of regenerations to be mad and clever with. He can be the Doctor once more! He'll borrow a face from the past, a passing blip in his long life but important none the less. With his new old body, he'll be wise grandfather and kooky adventurer and the young at hearts free spirit he always had been. Next stop, everywhere.

**TWELFTH**

It always ends with his back on the ground, beaten down by his attempt to preserve peace and life. He used to get angry at such injustices, used his regenerations to become someone to fight off such ugliness. Now he's just weary but in that weariness is a sense of understanding. He can't hold back every atrocity with a long scarf or a bowtie, with a temper tantrum or a silly voice. Regeneration was a funny thing, you never knew what you were going to get… and yet somehow each new body seemed to be a reflection of just what he and his companions needed at the time. Change was good, it would heal the damages this body had suffered and finally bring him peace as each regeneration usually did. Next time he'll get it right, with a smile and a love big enough to warm the whole universe. 


	2. Ten and Two

"Let go of the wheel you-you microscopic space hobo!" The Doctor screeched pulling hard on the wheel.

"What did you call me you walking beanpole?" The Doctor replied back trying to take the wheel back from his future self.

"You heard me! Now let go of the wheel!"

"You don't know where we're going! My TARDIS is this way!"

"This is America you idiot! _We're on the wrong side of the road!_ "

"Oh dear!" The Doctor in his Tenth incarnation wrenched the wheel harshly to the right, avoiding an oncoming car and taking it from his Second incarnation's hands. He breathed a little easier as the car strayed back into the right lane and the immediate danger was averted. He grunted trying to hold the wheel correctly from the passenger seat but refused to hand it over to the crazy midget.

"How can you not know that we're in America? We passed a sign for Los Angeles a while back!" His Second body frowned and tried to grab the wheel back. It took all of Ten's strength to keep the car straight.

"Forgive me but I've been too busy trying to avoid the giant ants crawling all over the road to notice what planet we're on much less what country we're in!" Ten frowned, ok he had a point. He poked his head out the window where the crazy ants were still wracking havoc behind them. "Where's your TARDIS anyhow? Anything is better than this rubbish Earth car."

"Oh you'll grow to appreciate a beautiful car in your next body…" Ten muttered with a smile thinking of good ole Bessie. Two glared at him, right, bad time for nostalgia.

"What are you jabbering about now?"

"Nothing, nothing. Mine is on the other side of the interstate we should be able to get there if we take this exit." Ten muttered looking at the map spread out over his lap and was thus completely unprepared for Two to seize the wheel back and cause the car to skid. Ten's head slammed into glove compartment as the car slowly began to weave unsteadily back and forth while the car took the exit at an ungodly speed.

"Sweet mother of Rassilon what are you doing? Are you that anxious for regeneration because I'm certainly not, so if you want to make it out of here alive you'd better give me the wheel!"

"Leave me be I know what I'm doing, I believe I parked my TARDIS somewhere over this ridge." Ten screeched as the car suddenly became airborne as the ridge turned out to be a rather large hill. Two screamed and let go of the wheel to cover his head while Ten's hand scrambled for the hand grip as he couldn't seem to drag his eyes from the quickly approaching ground.

Ten and Two was bad, he decided, no one ever ought to drive Ten and Two ever again. He became absolutely positive of this regard when the car slammed into the ground forcefully. Ten and Two was far too dangerous to drive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this when I was learning to *drive* my god how time has passed. My own private joke on how the standard 'ten and two' steering wasn't safe bc those two wouldn't get along for nothing.


	3. Because

Ace McShane stared down at the chessboard in frustration. But she supposed this wasn't really fair to the poor chessboard, it was her opponent that was really annoying her. The Doctor watched her impassively, playing with his question mark umbrella innocently as she contemplated her next move.

She had a few moves in mind, two of them safe and one of them incredibly forward and risky, but she knew he already had several countermoves in mind for every single option she considered. So, in actuality, she wasn't all that concerned with the game. She was more worried about her traveling companion, the man she thought she knew. When had she just become another player in his giant chess match with the universe?

"You're taking longer than usual Ace, are you still bothered by that business with Fenric?" She winced and he hummed thoughtfully. "I thought so; you need to smarten up your chess face if you entertain any hope of fooling me." He said with a light smirk, a look she imagined a shark may give to a tiny fish.

"It's called a _poker face_ Doctor and I'm not bothered by it. I know you only said those things to save everyone, it's over anyway." She pouted, she started to move her knight forward but the Doctor tapped her hand with his umbrella. He looked at her longingly.

"Oh so I'm the Doctor now am I? I really am in trouble." She frowned and brushed his hand off. "Ace dear, please tell me what's upsetting you. You know I didn't mean a thing I said to Fenric, so why are giving that face?" Ace growled and stood up angrily. How could he- how could he not understand?

"You really want to know? I'm sick of you acting like you own me!" She shouted, bring her arm down and throwing all the blasted chess pieces off the board where they clattered to the floor. "I was kidnapped by Fenric, taken from my home and put on Ice World and all so I would meet you! And you knew! And you're asking why I doubt you? Why I doubt me? Has everything I've done since I began travelling with you been a part of someone's grand scheme? Do I have any choice in anything?" She slammed her fist on the table, trying to hold onto her anger so she wouldn't melt into tears.

"Why do you do this to me? Am I just some science experiment, a game to play when you're bored? I _trusted_ you Doctor and I was just another pawn." She bit her lip but she could feel the wetness behind her eyes. That was the crux of the matter. Everyone had let her down in her life, her mum, her teachers, her friends and just when she had finally found someone who believed in her, he was just another user. She couldn't deny the pain.

The Doctor stared up at her with big, sad eyes before turning his eyes downward toward the empty board. He gestured to it slowly.

"Ace, what do you see here?"

"Stop trying to test me Doctor!" He shook his head and even smiled a little, a looked up at her with a sweet little expression.

"I'm just asking a question, what do you see here?"

"It's a chessboard, but what's that got to do with-"

"Almost, it's an _empty_ chessboard. Don't you see Ace; this is you when we first met." She blinked in confusion and he folded his hands under his chin. "Fenric took you because he wanted to lure me into a trap. I, of course, noticed this right off on Ice World but I also noticed something else which outweighed the danger. I saw a brilliant young lady, trapped in a situation beyond her control making the best of it and shining brighter than a Metebelis crystal. I saw the potential of an empty chessboard in you, beyond anyone's nefarious plans; I saw all that you could be." She looked down at the chessboard again, at all the empty spaces that could be filled up. All the moves that could be made all the twists and turns a billion billion variations of a chess game could turn. He sighed.

"I didn't tell you about Fenric because it would worry you and because it would alert Fenric that I was onto him but also because I wanted you to choose what you did with your life. I let you make your own choices, have your own opinions and grow in all the ways I knew you could. Neither Fenric or I could take that empowerment from you Ace. Everything you've done has been entirely your own." He looked down and fiddled with his umbrella.

"Though I can understand how you feel. It's not fun to have your destiny taken from your hands; it's why I left Gallifrey in the first place. I can drop you off if you like; either on a planet or back in Perivale. Fenric is through meddling with you, I can leave too if that's what you like." Ace slowly sat down, still staring at the empty chessboard that was her. Well used to be her, now she was all filled up with bishops and pawns and knights. And all because of the Doctor.

"No Professor, it's alright. I never thought of it that way." She frowned as she looked at the empty chessboard again, guilt gnawing into her. "I guess I was being a bit childish, I ruined the game. I'm awfully sorry Professor." The Doctor chuckled gamely and patted her hand before standing up.

"It's perfectly alright my dear, I think we're both a bit tired out from chess right now and besides…You were about to make a very dodgy move which would have given me your king in seven turns."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the more paternal a tardis team is the more they're my favorite and 7/Ace is one of my favs


	4. Saving the Doctor (11)

"Well how about that? I'm soufflé girl after all." Clara said lightly, stepping forward towards the light but the Doctor could hear the subtle wavering in her voice. She was frightened and why wouldn't she be? What she was about to do, it wouldn't just kill her once, it would kill her over and over again, millions of times as she was scattered across all of time and space never quite being real enough to grasp her situation. And all for a stupid old man. He wouldn't let her do this, he wouldn't lose his impossible girl again. Gritting against the pain, while at the same time being thoroughly reminded of River's poisonous kiss in Berlin which was not helping things at all, he reached out to Clara.

"No, please." He gasped out pathetically, the Oncoming Storm indeed. She wouldn't even look at him; she just took slow deliberate steps towards his flickering time stream. No, not his Clara. He wouldn't put her through that and not for someone like him. He was no innocent after all, maybe all this agony was punishment for everything he'd done wrong in his life. He'd muse on that later before he was horrifically killed and after he stopped Clara from making the biggest mistake of her life.

"If this works get out of here as fast as you can. And spare me a thought now and then." His shaking grasping fingers reached for her again, no Clara, you can't. But already he could feel his strength returning a little as the uncertain future became firmer the closer she got. The Dalek Asylum, Victorian London and a billion other little moments became that much safer with a guardian angel to watch over him.

"No Clara!" She probably could do it. Time _could_ be re-written after all. River had taught him that, but the cost River had suffered for her meddling had been far too high. He wouldn't let Clara do the same, she wouldn't sacrifice her wonderful, unique self for a bitter old man like him. Not like River at the Library... He resisted the urge to look over his shoulder for the comfort only a Pond could give.

"In fact, you know what?" Clara turned to him with a smirk, it was filled with fear and false bravado but determination. Dear God she was really going through with this. "Run. Run, you clever boy. And remember me." No. But just like that she was gone and the change was felt immediately. He gasped hoarsely as the pain suddenly ended as if it had never been there and a strange sense of peace fell upon him. He staggered to his feet as Strax and Jenny were restored and they began to bicker with Vastra over something silly.

But they weren't important now, only she was important, only his impossible girl.

She had saved him, saved him time and time again without fail. He swallowed as he got his bearings about him again. How many little moments in his life had he been near death, with no hope left and suddenly things had turned his way? He'd chalked them all up to coincidence but maybe it wasn't luck but a girl from Lancaster that had saved him each and every time. The implications were, well, staggering.

Well he would return the favor. The Time Winds would have certainly ripped apart the Great Intelligence but they just might preserve Clara. They would recognize her as friend and maybe, just maybe if he was really, really lucky, it would keep her whole while her echoes worked silently throughout his time stream.

After twelve hundred years of having her there, helping him, guiding him, saving him, well he could only imagine the debt he owed her. Now the trick was to get her back in one piece so he could repay that debt. And he would if it was the last thing he did. For the first time, the Doctor would save Clara Oswald.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first in the saving the doctor series which highlights moments where Clara saved the doctor throughout his timestream


	5. A Good Change

Strax was on patrol at the moment through the seedy backstreets of Victorian London. He liked patrols; it made him feel like a hunter, stalking through the streets. He held his weapon close, a primitive weapon by anyone's standards but Madame Vastra wouldn't let him leave the estate with anything more futuristic than a common club. Still, a weapon was a weapon and Strax hoped some inebriated human would come up to him and give him an excuse to use it. The Madame didn't need to know everything after all.

He had also come to… appreciate the city. The human boy the Madame kept as a pet would say he 'loved' it but Strax would never admit to such feeble emotions. But yes, he did enjoy the strategically convoluted streets to track prey and the wonderfully violent crimes to investigate and crush. Only in the privacy of patrol under the cover of night would Strax admit only to himself the _slightest_ fondness for the Earth. These moments never lasted long and he usually drowned them by going through all the fatal stabbing and bludgeoning points on humans. He was only up to the thirty second fatality point (the upward thrust of a knife through the ribcage into the heart) when a slight noise distracted him.

He stood silently, letting the darkness cover him and raising his club in preparation. _This will be a good night after all,_ he thought with a smile. He had to remember to clean the club of all particulate matter before returning to the estate. He waited another few minutes for the human to stagger around the corner but no one came. He instead felt a bladed weapon gently caress his probic vent, he froze at the sickening sensation.

"Your time away from battle has made you sloppy Commander Strax." Strax let himself relax a little, but not much.

"Forgiveness Commander Stal, I was not expecting someone of your skill and stealth but merely a putrid human. I decided it best not to waste energy to over- prepare for such an easy target." Strax kept his posture steady as the weapon was removed and former comrade Commander Stal stepped from the shadows and into the dim light. Strax noted that Stal's weapon remained poised and ready for use. Strax frowned; he had not even heard the other approach. He had not realized how much Earth had dulled his skills. "What is it you are here for?" The other Sontaran played thoughtfully with his weapon never losing its deadly intent.

"There are numerous different reports as to what happened to you. One was that you abandoned your penance to fight for one of Sontar's enemies. Another said you died in battle. But I also heard that you had come to Earth to scout out the humans for potential invasion. I am glad to see the former two are not true, you are too good a warrior to lose to death or cowardice." Strax winced, he _had_ originally intended to use the Madame's trust to exploit Earth's weakness for invasion but… the situation had changed. "So what do you think Strax? Is this filthy planet worth Sontar's time?"

Sontarans do not feel fear, worry, or nervousness but Strax felt uncomfortable none the less. He had come to an impasse, one he had hoped to avoid for a while. He could turn over the Earth and all its inhabitants to Sontar, kill his comrades and alienate the Doctor for good while he returned to his former glorious post as a commander. Or he could protect the Earth, a planet he held no allegiance to and never be able to return to Sontar.

"Well?"

"The Earth holds no strategic advantages for Sontar, it is filthy and its inhabitants are stupid and primitive. I would not think of taking strong, able Sontarans from the Rutan front to engage in war with such a pitiful planet, especially one that is strongly protected by the Doctor. It would not be wise to engage him." Commander Stal nodded sagely as if considering Strax's words.

"Why not just terminate its existence now? We have the ships and the weapons, and not even the mighty Doctor would wage war on the entire Sontaran Empire for such a puny little planet."

"I cannot recommend that course of action. There is no need." Strax knew he had said the wrong thing immediately. Commander Stal's expression darkened with killing intent and came forward to attack with his weapon.

"You have gone soft Strax, protecting human filth. I will kill you mercifully for your past service. You will accept your death quietly like worm you have become." Strax held up his club and deflected the strike. Stal grinned. "I had hoped you would fight back, I too have been away from battle and I crave it." Stal had raised his weapon to strike again but gasped suddenly as in terrible agony. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he feel face first into the ground revealing a small dagger lodged deep in his probic vent. Madame Vastra's pet, _Miss_ Jenny, stepped from the shadows.

"What are you doing here, boy?" Strax demanded to cover his astonishment. Not only the fact that he- no, Jenny was female as he was constantly reminded- was here but that she had managed to sneak past both himself and Stal. Strax allowed himself a moment to be mildly impressed.

"Saving your skin apparently. I always follow you on patrol you know, the Madame doesn't need you beating up anymore drunks. It brings too much attention to us. I saw you were being hassled so I thought I'd help." She looked down at Stal and swiftly pulled out dagger before replacing in on her belt. "So who was this bloke anyway, one of your people I can see, but why was he bothering you?"

Strax frowned. He had not hesitated in protecting the Earth. He had not even considered rising to his old position and abandoning this lowly human planet. It was a curious decision, one he could think about later when the others were distracted with sleep. For now, he and the human had to dispose of the body and, if possible, prevent the Madame from discovering this.

"It does not matter, now, help me get rid of the evidence." Strax said, Jenny rolled her eyes and helped Strax lift the body. They were quiet as they moved through the thick fog with the bulky and heavier-than-he-looked Sontaran.

"I won't tell the Madame if that's what you're wondering, this is obviously something personal, something you don't want getting about and I can understand that. This will stay between you and me, I promise." Strax looked over her, so small and fragile and yet strong in spirit. She would have made a good Sontaran and yet she wouldn't have… She was too kind, kindness Strax was now appreciating.

"Why would you do that for me?" She smiled

"Cause we're friends silly, now I'll go get a shovel and we'll bury this guy over where we put that old biddy Gillyflower." She ran off leaving Strax alone with his thoughts and the dead Commander.

No, Strax didn't know why he had defended the Earth so thoughtlessly, but he thinks he might be starting to understand. Not that he was going soft mind you, if anyone questioned the military might of Commander Strax then they had better step forth and be prepared to face imminent death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes I'm sad we never got a Paternoster series bc they were a great trio


	6. Epilogue

Donna Noble had hit the jackpot, quite literally in fact. It was last thing she had expected from a cheap five quid lottery ticket on her wedding day. If she could find the man who'd given her that ticket she would snog the living daylights out of him. She'd asked her mum and granddad who had given the ticket to her but it always provoked a curious reaction.

Her mum would always become quiet, what a miracle that was, and ignore her. The worst was when her granddad would, for some terrible reason, get all teary eyed and try and brush it off as allergies or something equally ridiculous. So Donna stopped asking after a while, but she knew two things for certain that whoever that mystery man had been, he had been a dear friend of granddad's and that he was most certainly dead now.

But she wasn't. And though she often found her thoughts drawn to that mystery man, trying and failing to understand who he was, she decided the best way to honor him was to use the money he had given her to do something extraordinary. Shaun continued working at his company, and with a little of their lottery money, invested in it to make it a much larger and well-paying company so that Mr. and Mrs. Temple-Noble would be living more than comfortably for the rest of their lives.

She and Shaun decided to use their good fortune to the benefit of others, it felt only right. Moving into a bigger, but still modest house, Donna set out to helping the world in any way she could. She became especially interested in housing orphans and protecting the people who needed someone looking out for them. Donna had never cared for kids all that much but now Donna felt a powerful urge to help them, as if something in the back of mind was telling to go on and be fantastic.

Through her non-profit organization, _Two Hearts_ , she was able to open a couple of orphanages in and around London which became known for a loving and caring environment. She stopped by and visited the children as often as her busy schedule would allow. She never wanted to miss a moment of the beautiful lives she was saving.

She also became a champion against all kinds of slavery and the persecution of the underprivileged in general. She gave many inspiring and passionate speeches on the meaning of a life and how each one should be cherished. These rallies were always followed by the crowds chanting her organization's catchphrase _"the circle must be broken."_

Donna Temple-Noble, former temp, former companion of the Doctor, was really properly happy with her life for the first time in a very long while. But she still felt as if something were missing, as if there was something in her life she had yet to tackle, one last favor she had been unable to repay. It bothered her immensely; keeping her awake at night that sometimes she'd gather her telescope and stare up at the sky like her Gramps had before he passed a few years back.

It was on one of these sleepless nights with her telescope and her troubling sadness that she met a man. He was an ordinary man, tall and skinny with a long coat and crazy hair. He sat down next to her and they spoke of a great many things from her winning the lottery to her campaigns, even the names of the stars. It never occurred to her until later that it was awfully strange for a man to be out wandering in the woods at 3 in the morning, but during those few hours, she felt totally at peace.

And then the man left, he stood up and shook her hand and told she was truly the most important woman in all of creation. He hugged her and kissed her and, bizarrely enough, she let him. She leaned against his shoulder and cried, though she couldn't imagine why, as he stroked her hair like he was her best friend or something. The last thing he did was to grab her hands and kiss them and to tell her that he forgave her and that it was time she moved on.

She really had no idea what was happening, but hearing those words then, they just felt so good. So right. So she kissed his cheek, tickling her lips on his sideburns and watched him fade into the night. She then went back into her house and crawled into bed where Shaun was stealing all the blankets again. The next day, she awoke feeling refreshed and whole and ready to tackle the world.

Yes, though Donna's story with the Doctor ended in tragedy that didn't mean that the rest of Donna's life was tragic. She went on to fund and support many other organizations in her time on Earth and few could doubt the impact that she made. She found as time went by she thought less and less of the mysterious dead man who gave her the lottery ticket or even the kind stranger who had held her so intimately that lonely night.

And perhaps that was a good thing, perhaps that time had passed and a new future awaited Donna Temple-Noble who would always, always be special to a very old man with two very proud hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried when I wrote this and almost cried rereading and posting it. As one of the most tragic companion exits, I like to believe that her whole life wasn't tragic and Donna Temple-Noble went on to the greatness she was destined for,


	7. Saving the Doctor (3)

The Doctor hummed as he worked. Why not? After it was a nice day on Earth, as of yet no humans had come in to interfere with his delicate experiments and hopefully the Master and any other alien invaders would stay away for at least a few more hours. The Doctor usually wasn't one for rest but a little peace and quiet after several weeks of running about and mad cap schemes and blasted UNIT making a mess of things… well let's just say he had no regrets on sending the bothersome soldiers out after a very _fictional_ monster.

He was still working on repairing his TARDIS, he'd been here for a little more than a year Earth time and it was driving him mad. He needed to get back to his ship, back to the stars where he belonged. He mixed two chemicals together which should give the dematerialization circuit an extra boost of power and would, in theory, enable him to leave the planet. He was 85 % sure it would work… actually closer to 64 %, well more like 42 %...

The two chemicals fizzled together bubbling violently. The Doctor frowned, was that right? Oh well, best to press on anyhow. As a scientist, he was no stranger to having his eyebrows burned off in an experiment gone awry and he'd never get off this planet by sitting on his bum. In the corner of his lab, the TARDIS let out a low level whine.

"Oh hush my dear, I know you are as impatient as I am to leave this primitive planet but I need to concentrate and I can't with you being so noisy over there." He grabbed another purple fizzing chemical and swirled it lightly. Yes, a little bit of this will get that dematerialization circuit working in no time flat. He was almost 27 % sure. "Steady as she goes." He muttered as he slowly began to add the fizzing liquid to the first beaker. Just as the two chemicals were about to touch the most curious thing happened, something he would not be able to explain for a long, long time.

"Doctor no!" He turned in time to see a young girl with long brown hair tackle him to the ground as the chemicals met and caused a fiery explosion to rip through the lab. The Doctor sat up in a daze. The window on the wall was completely gone along with a good portion of the wall and ceiling. He blinked as the sunlight fell onto his face unfettered. _What in the name of sanity just happened?_ He was surprised when he turned to address his savior that he was alone in the room. Where had she gone to? She was here not a moment before.

"Doctor! Doctor are you alright?" He heard Jo scream from down the hall and he couldn't help the wry smile. So much for his peaceful afternoon.

"Yes Jo, I'm quite all right, just a bit of an accident in the lab. I suffer nothing worse than some singed clothes and wounded pride." Jo stumbled into the room and gasped.

"You call this a bit of an accident? Look at the mess!"

"It's fine Jo, nothing some paint and bricks can't repair." She walked over and helped pull him up.

"But the whole wall is gone Doctor! The Brigadier is gonna have a fit when he sees this!" As she helped him up the Doctor couldn't help but finger her hair lightly. Still the light hay blonde he knew so well. But he could have sworn that girl had been mousy brown… "Well anyway, I'm just glad you're ok. I'm glad you had the sense to move out of the way or else we'd be scraping _you_ off the walls."

"Yes, yes it sure was lucky." He muttered to himself as Jo walked him out of the room and down to the sick bay. He did indeed receive an earful from the Brigadier not only about the explosion, which also destroyed a bit of the offices in the next room, but for sending UNIT officers out on a wild goose chase.

The Doctor apologized and promised never to do it again; though he was not specific as to which offence he was sorry for. As he was leaving, the Doctor asked if anyone else had been in the vicinity at the time of the explosion, any brown haired young ladies perhaps. The Brigadier raised an unamused eyebrow and reported that the closest anyone had been was Jo who was in the restroom 5 rooms over.

The Doctor frowned as he laid down for a light rest at Jo's insistence. He knew he had seen someone, heard someone shout his name. He'd even felt her touch as she pushed him out of harm's way. He closed him eyes, oh well, he'd work on that a little later. Jo would have a bird if he started investigating now… plus he had to look at that experiment again later, see what went wrong. He still needed to get off of Earth and trial and error was the only way he'd get there.

Clara smirked as the Doctor nodded off, she could imagine he was already scheming of new ways to blow himself up. Jeez what a man, he sure knew how to keep a girl busy. She leaned down and kissed his forehead gently brushing back his fluffy grey hair.

"Sleep well Doctor, and try and be a little more careful next time, will you? I won't be here every time you try and get yourself killed." She smirked at her own little joke. Of course she would be, she was the impossible girl. She could be everywhere at once, always protecting him, always saving him though oftentimes it wasn't a villain he needed protection from. She was still smiling as she quietly slipped out of the room. He wouldn't remember her anyway. But that was alright, she wasn't doing this recognition, she was doing this because she wanted him safe. And with his luck, he was going to need it.


	8. X

"Where do you want to go to now Ponds? Anywhere special you've been burning to go to while real life ticked away?" The Doctor asked spinning around in his TARDIS. He was feeling quite happy right now, quite, quite happy. He had his Ponds onboard the TARDIS all happy and cheerful. He had just dropped River, his wife, at Stormcage after their date last night but she had given him a very pleasant snogging before he'd left so he was thinking of popping by again once the humans were asleep. The whole ordeal with the Silence was over; he could just slip back and go back to enjoying the universe instead of running from it.

Yes, for the first time in a long, long while, the Doctor was really properly happy.

Amy smiled at him over the console, grabbing her Rory and hugging him close. Look at him; look at his magnificent Ponds all happy again. Yes he was the Doctor. He fixed people, properly fixed them up and made them better again. He'd never felt prouder to bear his title.

The Doctor felt a familiar tinkling in his top pocket and he grinned. The psychic paper was picking up a message. Another adventure for them! Hopefully it was something exciting, something that involved lots and lots of running. Or maybe if he was really lucky it would be from River, a River who had broken out of prison again to lead him on a merry chase. She'd give him a problem to solve and reward his cleverness with kisses. River's kisses were always the best.

He was still grinning as he opened the psychic paper though it didn't last long. He had no idea it was possible to go from elation to emptiness so very quickly. It was indeed from River, but it was a message he had received a long, long time ago.

_The Library. Come as soon as you can. X_

It was impossible to even stand anymore and he flopped back into his seat. In the background, he can vaguely hear Amy asking him what's wrong. But he's not listening; the only reality is the message in front of him. He'd always wondered why River's message that day had gone so wrong. Why a younger version had picked it up when she was so very good with psychic accuracy.

Now he knows. Now he realizes the cold, hard truth. It went to the past because he himself forwarded the message on. He had to, in order to preserve their timelines, he had no choice. He was killing River just as surely as if he'd strapped her into the data core himself.

He swallowed the hard lump in his throat, feeling the pinprick of tears gathering behind his eyes. This wasn't fair, why did he have to condemn her again when he'd already failed her that day? Why was he always denied happiness so soon after obtaining it? He loved that woman and now he had to-had to-

He put his head in his hand while the other gripped the psychic paper tightly. Wouldn't it be easier to just answer the message now? To side step his past self and Donna and go and save River himself, save all of the crew and get off that planet before anything can happen to them? No but that would cause a massive paradox, he only knew River because of that trip. Most of his love for her was born out of his guilt about her death. He would not have treated her the same had he not known of her untimely end and, to quote her, he wouldn't change one line of their personal history together.

"Doctor, are you alright?"

The Doctor, with much reluctance, brought the psychic paper up to his forehead and mentally passed it on to the past. There, it was done. River's fate was forever sealed; he had just killed his wife for the second time. He gently tucked the psychic paper back into his pocket. Right now, somewhere in time and space, a blue box was materializing in a library, River was whispering a secret in his ear that would change his life forever and somewhere else she was dying.

And at another point they were kissing lustfully, and that moment could be right now. She was still here, for the moment at least and he best enjoy her while he could. He smiled up at the worried Ponds wiping at the tears that threatened to fall.

"Oh yes, of course, I just received some… distressing news. It's nothing, so have you decided where we're going yet?" He said cheerfully, it was only a shadow of his former exuberance but it was all he could muster right now. He'd be alright, he was always alright, but only after a good long mourning period when the humans were away. Amy scooted closer to him, looking to comfort him.

"Who was that? Is there something we can help with?" The Doctor shook his head; River's life was fixed, from start to finish. He was a fool to believe he could change it. Amy was not convinced and he knew he'd have to give her more. He leaned on the console and forced the words out.

"No, I just learned that a very old friend is passing. I've known about it for a while, but to have it come up so suddenly." She patted his arm while Rory stood off to the side looking sympathetic. He grabbed them both and selfishly accepted their support. Oh glorious Ponds, if only they knew what he'd done to their daughter. What a horrid old man he was.

"Amy, Rory," he asked quietly. "Would you mind if I chose the location? I'd-I'd really like to see River right now if it's not too much trouble." Of course they agreed and told him how much they'd like to see River. He hugged them tighter and tried not to think of how he had just betrayed his family. He gave them both a tender kiss on the forehead and set the coordinates for Stormcage. Roman or not, the Doctor intended to kiss the living daylights out of his wife tonight. While he still could.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

The Doctor hummed as the psychic paper grew warm in his top pocket. Interesting, he wasn't expecting any mail. He opened it and raised a curious eyebrow. A library eh? Who could that be from? It was signed with a kiss, blimey he couldn't think of one person he'd like to kiss. Still, a cry for help was a cry for help, could be interesting and who knows? He might just make a new friend.

"Oi Donna, how would you fancy a trip to the Library?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh this one HURT


	9. Poison

"Oh Grandfather where are we going to go? We've never left Gallifrey before and our ship isn't flying right and-and I just want to go home. I don't want to run away anymore." There were few things that upset the Doctor than seeing his beautiful granddaughter cry, and yet here she was, weeping openly in front of him. A few people in the café turned to look at Ark-at Susan but the Doctor paid the humans no mind. If they were lucky, they'd be off this pitiful little planet soon enough. What was it called again, ah yes, Earth.

"There, there my dear, you've no reason to cry. Everything will be alright; your old grandfather will make it happen." He bopped her affectionately on the nose and, through her tears, she smiled a little. "You know as well as I that we can't go home, not for a while at least, so we'll just make the best of what we've got here and now. Think about it my love," he gestured to the surrounding café.

"Look past this café, this planet, this solar system, there are so many other places out there that we now have the opportunity to see. We can see civilizations made of silence and histories written in stone and song. There's a whole universe out there for us darling and we won't let a little homesickness wear us down from this new adventure ahead of us." Susan, as she wished to be called now, smiled and wiped her tears.

"O-ok, I think I understand, thank you Grandfather but you know I rather like it here on Earth, it's quaint." The human waitress came back with the two steaming hot beverages Susan had ordered. He looked up at her curiously smiling face before handing her some money, why were humans always smiling at them, was there something particularly funny about a man and his granddaughter? He stared down at the drink with suspicion.

"Susan dear, what is this… strange mixture? I've never seen anything like it." He picked up the cup and sniffed it thoughtfully before wrinkling his nose. It was like nothing he had ever smelled before. This is why he wanted to stay away from primitive planets; they'd destroy this old body yet. Susan shrugged and picked up her own cup to study the brown liquid.

"When I asked for something to drink, they asked if we wanted tea so I said yes. It's a popular Earth drink apparently and it's consumed in large quantities here. You should try it. After you gave me such a rousing speech I wonder what happened to your sense of adventure Grandfather." He grimaced; he had no idea his words of comfort would come back to haunt him so soon. Susan took a delicate sip and nodded enthusiastically.

"It's good, try it." She said happily with such a sweet expression he could hardly refuse her request.

"Oh alright dear and then we head right back to I.M. Foreman Junkyard and get the ship repaired so that we can find those interesting and habitable planets I was telling you about. I don't intend to be on this planet any longer than I have to be." The next small, hesitant sip from the cup changed his life forever. "Good heavens!"

"What is it Grandfather? Are you well?"

"Why this is delicious!" He took another more confident sip and hummed his approval. "Never has such a mature and delectable liquid passed my lips. How could such a tiny, insignificant planet have produced such an enamoring beverage?" He drained the rest of his cup and promptly asked for another. Susan beamed over the table and began to draw circles on the table.

"I'm so glad you like it as I'm rather fond of this drink, and this planet as well. Maybe we could take our time, get to know the place a little better before we head off to new civilizations of song or stone or whatever. It'd be nice; I met a girl outside the junkyard this morning. She asked me if I went to-to _school._ I don't know what that is but I'd really like to try it, it sounds terribly exciting. Could we stay just a little longer Grandfather, please?" The Doctor nodded absentmindedly as another cup of tea was brought to him.

His Granddaughter was asking nicely and he had a glorious drink in front of him, he never stood a chance.

"Oh of course my dear, we'll explore this planet for a while, it's not like we have anywhere else to go. They may be primitive but this _tea_ drink is just delightful! Yes, we'll get our TARDIS all fixed and we'll be on our way. After, of course, we pick up some more of this tea. I simply must learn to make this."

The Doctor continued to drink his tea thoughtfully, while Susan happily preened across the table. Yes, things just may be looking up. As long as Susan was happy and he had some bracing tea, the Doctor thinks that everything may turn out alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as a dedicated tea drinker this one always makes me smile


	10. Saving the Doctor (6)

The Sixth incarnation of the Doctor was not having a good day. In fact he would go as far as to say it was a pretty spectacularly rubbish day. He should have realized by the time the third fire started and the ship nearly crashed into an asteroid belt that it would be a very bad day and he should've just gone to hide in his room.

The TARDIS was mad at him, _again_ , though for what he couldn't possibly understand. Of course she was just another bloody impossible woman so she was probably just having another tantrum like all women were prone to. A door in the corridor flew open in his face smacking him pretty hard on the nose. He cursed as the TARDIS made unhappy humming noises.

"Oh for the love of Rassilon will you grow up? Now will you kindly let me get back to the control room dear, I have much work to do repairing your systems that you wrecked in the midst of your little hissy fit." He said through grinding teeth as he gave one of the walls a light, admonishing rap.

He pursed his lips as the corridor in front of him suddenly seemed to stretch on forever, he turned around to see the corridor he had just come down was now the same and missing any doors, including the one which had smacked him. He rubbed at his eyes. Maybe arguing with sentient machine in charge of the architectural reconfiguration system was not his brightest idea. Now he'd never get to the control room and Peri would never let him live this one down.

Not that he would ever, **ever** admit that he couldn't control his own ship.

" _Go down the corridor and take the first left you see."_ A voice said seemingly from nowhere. He spun around, his multicolored-and completely fashionable by the way- coat swirling around him.

"Hello? Who's there? Is that you Peri?" there was no answer and the Doctor felt a trickle of unease, had he just imagined it? Taking care in case the mysterious voice was malevolent, he followed its instructions. Coming to the turn he peered down the corridor thoughtfully. It looked no different than all the others.

" _Yes down here, take the second right, go straight before taking two more quick lefts and a quick right. That will put you back in the main control room."_

"Thank you my dear and who are you, if I may ask?" the Doctor asked without apprehension. He couldn't place it, but the voice seemed familiar, like an old friend whose name he couldn't place. But the voice did not respond, having left now that it's intended job was done.

The Doctor shrugged, he would figure it out eventually, he always did. As he neared the control room, the mysterious voice seemed to slip away from his memory. His last conscious thought of it before it was gone completely was the fact that he hadn't hesitated in calling the voice 'dear' and another bossy female on his ship was certainly the last thing he needed.

**XXXXXX**

The TARDIS was irritated that the Doctor had managed to get out of her labyrinth so easily. He had been insufferable to her as of late in his attempt to impress the latest human and he needed a little reminding of who his _real_ companion was. Of course he had help.

The TARDIS focused on the young female, the Impossible Girl as the Doctor would someday call her, standing in plain sight but completely invisible to anyone but the ship. The TARDIS had never (will never, presently didn't) care for the walking paradox the Doctor seemed to like so much. Especially now that she was interfering in affairs that had nothing to do with her. The girl just smirked into space knowing the ship was watching her.

"He's not all yours you, big cow. I know he can be a brat but go easy on him, he's got some rough stuff ahead." The girl fizzled from the space as she pulled to a separate point in the Doctor's time stream. The TARDIS moaned, just because she didn't care for the human didn't mean she couldn't pity the girl's plight. But the Doctor would save her and then she could go back to annoying the ship linearly.

Still, the girl had interrupted her carefully planned revenge. The Doctor couldn't count on dear Clara to get him out of the maze the next time he left the control room and she was thinking about maybe burning dinner tonight as well, just to really annoy him…

If she were capable of it, the TARDS would have been smiling.


	11. Paradox

"On Chancellor Street this morning, you came up to me and took your tie off." The Doctor frowned knowingly, oh no, not again, not so soon after-

"Really, what did I do that for?" He asked letting her banter on while he thought quietly in his mind. He certainly hadn't gone to Chancellor Street and taken off his tie his morning, at least not yet. But the fact that she had seen him do it and had in fact told him that she saw him do it put him in a very uncomfortable position. He was now within a very tight self-fulfilling paradox, he knew that he was going to do it so it therefore had to happen or else things could get rather hairy. He kept on the light smile as she checked his heart beat and slowly moved over to the left side making him think of-

" _Both working."_

" _What do you mean both?"_

" _He's got two hearts."_

In order to disguise his sadness, he gave Miss. Jones a cheeky wink as she struggled to come to terms with what she was hearing. Miss. Jones, aspiring medical student who was a little too curious for her own good. He didn't even have her first name and already she was bound to him for who knows how long. It could just end here with whatever is happening at this hospital or it might extend for much, much longer. Another bold and inquisitive London girl to follow him around, he didn't want this, didn't need this. Not now and probably not ever again. He'd learned his lesson in fooling around with Earth girls, all they ever did was break his hearts.

This is why he hated getting involved in paradoxes; he hated getting his sense of control taken from him. Sadly paradoxes were an all too frequent companion to time travelers. Maybe if he kept quiet, kept his head down he could solve this mess quickly and slip-

…

Oh well great, now the hospital was on the moon and Martha Jones was sticking to him like a bad penny. It was so hard to play along with her, to introduce himself and carefully explain things to help her along. He wished he could just drop her, leave her here and just run from all human contact. But that tie… He needed to work with her long enough to figure out why he did such a thing and then complete the paradox. After which he'd flee the Earth for a very, very long time.

But oh was she good, brilliant even. For an ignorant human she picked up the alien stuff pretty quickly and followed right behind him as if she were meant to. It could be nice, maybe, The Doctor and Martha Jones with all of time and space as their playground...

No, No, No and Double No. Losing Rose had almost broken him and he couldn't stand to involve himself again. He just needed a little time to mourn was all, was that really so bad? Well apparently the universe disagreed with him as Martha used her last breath to revive him. Martha Jones, what a funny little human, spunky enough to question why a man would strip off his tie in front of her and brave enough to give everything to save other lives. You didn't find people much better than that. Maybe that's why he grabbed her, used up even more of his fading strength to carry her to the window so that she could see the rain, the moon rain. Because Martha Jones was amazing enough that he would willingly throw himself into a paradox just to save her.

She wasn't Rose, but she deserved that.

But of course after the whole fiasco is over he can't say _just_ goodbye. Nope, he's still got that paradox to fulfill though the task doesn't seem as daunting now. He's almost sad to see it end so quickly. It's worth it just to see Martha standing there alone on the street while her bonkers, totally human family goes nuts around her, and watching her breathe. He smirks, for a gate crasher to his little pity party, she's alright.

So he thinks he might smile genuinely as he takes off his tie at Chancellor Street this morning, maybe to leave his grumpy earlier-this-morning self a little clue. Martha Jones is not a problem to be dealt with but a friend to be made. And while Rose still weighs heavily on his hearts, he thinks he might take Martha on a quick trip, just to thank her for being there on a pretty rubbish day.

So he smiles as her disbelieving face as he mentions that the TARDIS can travel through time and tries not to think of Rose when he told her the same thing a long, long time ago. So this is where the paradox closes and he can properly cut Martha Jones from his life completely. _But where's the fun in that,_ he thinks as he slinks back into his time machine and begins loosening his tie ever so slightly.

Self-fulfilling paradoxes really will drive you mad if you really stop to think about it. Would he have noticed Martha's brilliance had she not mentioned his tie to him? Would he have brushed her off had he not known her purpose? Would the Judoon and the Plasimore have destroyed the hospital without her invaluable help? Had this all been just one circle of wibbly wobbly timey wimey-ness? Who knows but it was a lark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Martha's introduction Smith and Jones, she deserves more love


	12. Saving the Doctor (1)

The Doctor felt like he was going mad and while that was hardly a new feeling it was doubtless unsettling. He had the strangest feeling that someone was messing with his TARDIS. He'd already talked to Aky- pardon, Susan about it and she said that she had been staying away from the controls. He squinted his eyes thoughtfully and stared at the circuits on the ship.

He knew the ship was damaged when he first borrowed it but that surely that wouldn't explain why things were turning on and off suddenly, why the controls seemed sluggish and unresponsive and why the blasted chameleon circuit kept getting stuck. He and Susan kept visiting new planets and each time he had to force the circuit to work. He suspected they only had one or two more landings until the thing properly jammed. He hoped when that did happen the ship would pick a decent and inconspicuous shape.

He pulled out his sonic screwdriver and ran it a few times over the controls. He just didn't understand it, everything seemed to be in working order and yet it was still faulty. The controls showed that everything was normal but the ship still wasn't flying correctly. Half the places the Doctor tried to get to he ended up somewhere else entirely.

Either he was a worse pilot than he thought or there was something terribly wrong with this ship.

"Now come on you old thing, we're in this together so you'd best behave." He said, giving the console a stern pat. The ship hummed in irritation at him. It was probably still cross at being stolen- sorry, borrowed, and hadn't quite accepted that. He frowned, could the sentient portions of his ship be causing all these problems? No, TARDISes were designed to be obedient and without opinions on their pilots.

 _"Maybe you should land her and take a look at the console more closely."_ The Doctor straightened up at the voice in his ear. He couldn't see anybody but he knew he had heard it.

"Susan is that you?"

 _"Sol 3 isn't that far away, quiet and out of the way, it's the perfect spot."_ It came again, a light female voice that seemed to float on the air. He glanced around in paranoia. Was there another Time Lord on the ship? Had they a stowaway who was just waiting for them to land so the fiend could drag them back to Gallifrey for punishment? Susan wouldn't be able to handle that.

"Who are you and what do you want?" He demanded, shouting angrily into the air, hoping to solve this blasted mystery once and for all. "I won't let you take her, do you hear me? I won't let you take my granddaughter from me."

"What ever are you screaming about Grandfather? What are you going on about?" The Doctor turned to see Susan wandering down the corridor with a confused and slightly worried look on her face. He stopped, looking abashed at his seemingly ridiculous looking behavior and nervously straightened his jacket. Maybe he really was going mad.

"Hmm oh it's nothing, nothing at all my dear. Have you, have you seen anyone else about on this ship?" Her slight worry became very acute.

"Did someone else sneak aboard when we left? Are we in danger Grandfather?" The Doctor held her shoulders and soothed her.

"No, no my dear we're perfectly-" They both gasped as the ship suddenly lurched and they fell to the ground as the console sparked and began to emit smoke. The ship shuddered and shook for a few minutes more, the Doctor holding onto Susan tightly, before finally stopping.

"Grand-Grandfather?" He hushed her and patted her head gently to make sure she was uninjured.

"I think someone may have sabotaged our ship prior to leaving Gallifrey…"

"Or after," she whined with fear.

"Yes or after, but either way this ship is in terrible disrepair. We must land immediately on the nearest planet and get it fixed before we implode. Now, let's see, we're in the Sol system I believe. There's only one habitable planet here, filled with mildly intelligent humanoids." The Doctor began punching in the coordinates listening to dismay at the sound of the engines phasing lethargically.

Yes, he had better get this ship fixed all right.

As the TARDIS landed and the Doctor and his granddaughter looked out at the junkyard they had landed in and the curious shape their ship had taken, the Impossible Girl smiled within the ship as she flipped another switch causing the chameleon circuit to lock into place where it would remain for the rest of time.

She could now see why the ship didn't really like her, what with her running around messing around with her circuits and all, but it was necessary. The Doctor needed the Earth, the humans, like a plant needed water. Though he wouldn't know it for a very, very long time, Clara Oswald had just set in place the motions that would bring about the Doctor's ultimate salvation.


	13. On Her Behalf

If there were two things Wilfred Mott was good at in this world it was keeping a promise to a loved one and watching the stars. Sylvia would get frustrated at him sometimes and say that he was just using the Doctor as an excuse to watch the stars all night long but he didn't pay her any mind. She didn't understand, didn't see the look in the young-old man's eyes with visions of death upon him. Wilf felt teary just thinking about that poor lonely man.

So he kept his promise and sat out on his blanket every night with his thermos of tea and watched out for that funny blue box with a very sad man on behalf of Donna. Donna joined him occasionally, not that often as she had her life with Shawn and her charities to run, but each time felt like a blessing. Watching Donna look up at those stars with a small, satisfied smile on her face, well he just knew that somewhere out there the Doctor was smiling back.

Years passed and Wilfred always sat, always watching out for the aliens, always paying tribute to the finest man he's ever known. He only wished he could do more. One night, in a surprise that almost blew out Wilf's old ticker, Sylvia came out with her own thermos and sat down with him. She didn't say anything that night, just sat and watched him with his telescope sipping her tea and packed up and left when he did. They repeated this for two more nights before she finally spoke in between sips.

"Do you really think he's still out there Dad?" She asked quietly "I mean you said was dy-"

"Course he's out there sweetheart, we'd have been dead long ago if that man weren't here for us. Remember when the sun turned that funny color a few years back? I'll bet my pension that was him, right in the thick of it, yes sir." She nodded and became silent again and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"Well, if you see him about in that crazy police box of his, tell him-tell him that I'm grateful to him for returning my daughter to me. And tell him to eat a little more, he was much too thin last time I saw him." She left that night and never sat with Wilfred again but she looked a little happier during the day, as if she'd finally repaid a long overdue debt. That, and she never again chastised his star-gazing.

Donna was happy, Sylvia was content and sometimes Wilfred wondered what he was but still he was determined to keep his promise to the Doctor. He was thus saddened when his heart took ill last winter and, for the first time in seven years, Wilfred missed a night with his telescope to remain in a bed hooked up to wires. He fought those doctors to get out there again, they couldn't understand how important it was, but he was refused every time. To try and appease him, Donna brought his telescope and he could look up through the window on days he was well enough to move but it wasn't the same. The guilt he felt at letting the Doctor down hurt worse than any heart problem.

And then one night, on a night just like every other when his strength was low and he could only wistfully stare at his telescope, he had an unexpected visitor. A young man dressed in a bowtie and suspenders of all things with crazy, gravity defying hair. Wilfred had never seen this man in his life but he recognized his straight away.

"Doctor," he croaked out happily reaching out his hand which the Doctor readily took.

"How'd you know it was me?" He asked simply, taking the seat Donna usually took next to the bed.

"You said you you can change your face but I'd recognize those old eyes anywhere." Wilfred stopped and furrowed his eyebrow. "I've seen that look before, you think you're gonna die again don't you?" The Doctor smiled sadly and looked over at the telescope.

"I saw you Wilf, watching the stars, every night without fail you brilliant little human you. I wanted to come and see you while I still could and thank you for just being, but I couldn't risk it with Donna and all… But-" he took a little breath that sounded close to a sob. "But I want you to know that I appreciate everything your family has done for me Wilf but now it's time for you to rest, you've done your duty more than admirably soldier, you go out with the highest honors. Your task is done Wilfred Mott; any debt you owe is more than repaid. Now you can get on to your well-deserved reward." Wilfred shook his head.

"No, I can't stop," Wilfred wheezed giving the man's hand a delicate squeeze. "Not when you're still out there, saving us and asking for nothing in return. I need you to remember that you're loved, Doctor and that we'll always need you." The Doctor sighed wearily.

"You're not going to need me much more, my time is coming to end just as yours is. I'm on my way out Wilfred, properly this time and there's nothing that can be done. There will be no regeneration energy to save me this time. It's high time an old man like me, like us, stopped pretending we can still fight and just…stopped." The Doctor gave Wilf a curious look as he started to laugh which eventually led into a cough.

"Well I don't know about you," Wilf added once the coughing stopped. "But I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. Donna's opening a new orphanage next month and I told her I'd be there for her. And Minnie made me promise that I would outlive her. So you may be ready to take your rest, you more than deserve it, but I can't just yet, not when people still need me here." He squeezed the young hand again marveling at how old and worn it felt underneath the smooth, supple skin.

"And I know Donna isn't there for you anymore but you've found new people, I can tell. I'm so pleased and I bet those people don't want you to go either. So please Doctor, don't give up so easily if not for yourself than for the people you love." The Doctor cried that night, an aching sound that broke Wilf's heart but it also sounded freeing, as if he had finally found himself again after so long adrift. They stayed up late into the night swapping stories of their lives and occasionally lapsing into a loving silence as one man appreciated the other.

Wilfred never did make it to the opening of the orphanage; he made it another week after the Doctor visited. A whole week when time had said he died on that spring night. The Doctor was astounded, really properly astounded. Humans, would they ever stop amazing him? Wilf had re-written time in an attempt to please his family, so how could the Doctor give up when stubborn ole Wilfred Mott kept fighting to the end?

No one commented at the young man in a black bowtie at Wilfred's funeral a few days later nor how almost a fortnight after Wilf was a buried, a t-shirt was found on his gravestone. It read _'I survived being shot at Lake Silencio and all my wife got me was this lousy t-shirt'_. Donna laughed and Sylvia cried for reasons no one could explain. The only comment she would give was that her father had been right.

That night, Sylvia pulled out that worn telescope and, on her father's behalf, watched the stars. She wasn't quite sure what she wanted, but she still held out hope that she'd see a man in a blue box who had been broken and healed by her family.


	14. Under the Stars

The Doctor missed traveling, he missed being able to pilot his TARDIS to any star and just wander. But that dream, one he'd had since he was a young boy on Gallifrey, was put on hold due to his exile on Earth. He was only in his third body and yet they tried to keep him on one planet, in one star system, in one time.

He sighed and sipped his tea as he looked up at the stars. He'd been here a few Earth months and while he'd always recognized the major star clusters in this sector, he'd really come to know them well in his time stranded here. He'd almost enjoyed it at first, the chance to study the stars from a different perspective, to try and see them as the romantic humans saw them. That naïve curiosity lasted almost two weeks before he was ready to move on but still his mind was blank and his TARDIS remained immobile.

Oh what he would give to just leave everything here like he had on Gallifrey, leave U.N.I.T, leave the ignorant humans, and the day in and day out of monotonous drivel this planet offered. All he wanted to do was return to his wanderings.

"Doctor!" He turned and smiled slightly to see Jo running up the hill with a large bundle in her hands. Even at such a distance he could see the warm glow of her excited face. "Are you stargazing?"

"Yes Jo, I was just sitting out here and enjoying the view. It's a lovely night out tonight; I haven't seen a clearer night since…" Since he had control of his TARDIS, since he could see a beautiful night every night thanks to his time machine, since he was _free_. "Is there something you need? Some emergency the Brigadier needs me to take a look at?" She had now reached him and he could see that the bundle she held was in fact a load of blankets.

"No, the Brigadier mentioned that you come out here a lot instead of sleeping so I thought you might like some blankets. Winter is coming fast and there's a bit of a chill in the air." The Doctor chuckled warmly, he wasn't cold in the slightest, a byproduct of his body's superior energy conservation but the thought was much appreciated.

"Oh why thank you Jo, that's very sweet of you dear." She grinned again and arranged the blankets until she thought he was comfortable. Once she was finished, she looked down and began playing nervously with her hands.

"Is um is there anything else I can get for you Doctor?" She wanted an invitation to stay he realized, well why would she want to do that? Why would a pretty young thing like Jo Grant be interested in spending time with a bitter, old scientist? He frowned a bit; he knew she didn't have much in the way of family and she seemed to spend every moment of her time working with him. Could this little human have picked him as part of a surrogate family? He smiled, well how about that.

"No, no Jo, here, why don't you take a seat next to me? You've brought enough blankets to fend off the ice-age so there's more than enough for us to share." She smiled and happily sat down not even hesitating before cuddling up close to him. He blushed a little bit at the open display of affection before relaxing and wrapping one arm around her shoulders. It was just one planet of one star system in one time period but the Earth did have one thing that he would never find anywhere else, it had the most wonderful assistant who reminded him how important family was to him.

"Now Jo you see that big bright star up there?"

"Yeah."

"That's the pole star and did you know it's actually two stars, one day I'll show you once I get my TARDIS working again, it's quite lovely if I do say so myself." She grinned again as he pointed out more stars and the stories behind them. Yes, maybe he could deal with the Earth just a little longer, maybe then he'll regain some of the wonder Jo had sparkling in her eyes and he thinks that might be a good thing.


	15. Saving the Doctor (9)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for thoughts of suicide on the Doctor's part

The Doctor was sitting on his floor, leaning his head up against the console. He was still dressed in the clothes of his predecessor-why did he ever think wearing _velvet_ was a good idea- wishing he were dead with the rest of the Time Lords. The Doctor wished that more than anything right now, he didn't want to live with all this blood on his hands. He didn't want to live period. As his TARDIS was normally filled with humans or Time Lords he never understood how stark and cold and lonely it was. Until now that is.

He turned his sunken eyes down to look at his slightly bigger hands. Technically these new hands were clean; he'd regenerated only a few hours before but he still felt so dirty. He didn't deserve to live after what he'd just done. He closed his eyes. Somewhere in this old ship he had a storeroom lying around. In that storeroom there had to be some rope. There were a lot of good places in this console room to hang a noose. He'd just park on a nice old planet where the TARDIS can finally get some well-deserved rest and he could go to his hateful final punishment.

Now if only the TARDIS would stop reworking the architecture and hiding that blasted storeroom he'd have been dead and gone two hours ago. Oh well, she'd give in eventually, and he had nothing but time now.

"Now don't do that silly you've got some more work to do before the end." The Doctor snapped open his eyes. Had another Time Lord escaped onto his ship with him? Was he really not alone? He saw a young humanoid with dark brown hair tossed up into a ponytail kneeling in front of him with a sad smile.

"No, I'm not another Time Lord, I'm afraid you're the only one left. I'm just another silly ape as you're fond of saying, or will be fond I guess, time travel always gets me." She smiled and the part of him wanted to smile back was killed quickly.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" He asked hoarsely, hmmm this was the first time he'd heard this new voice other than screaming. Why did he sound like he was from the North?

"Lots of planets have a North." She said with a grin, probably thinking of some private joke only she understood. "And I while I know you're hurting right now, you're still needed in the universe, Doctor." With a light groan, she flopped next to him on the floor.

"I can't even imagine what you're feeling, so I guess I can understand your thoughts of ending it all. But you can't go yet because the universe still needs the Doctor to protect it. There are still planets that need saving, monsters that need fighting and lives for you to change. You can't throw in the towel when it's only just begun. Why you're only on your Ninth body, practically a baby. Plus I know for a fact that you don't die here, it wasn't that long ago that I was at your actual tomb several regenerations from now." Listening to her sugary voice and uplifting words only made him sneer.

"No, they're all dead and it's my fault. I killed them, willingly and happily killed them all, Time Lords, Daleks and everyone else who got in the way. I can't be the Doctor anymore, I don't deserve that title. I've got one last thing to do before the Time War can be over and it involves rope and a long drop. An old survivor is no good to anyone." He croaked not realizing how close he was to tears until he said those words out loud. She grabbed his hand and began stroking the charred skin, the warmth of her skin after so much coldness felt so nice. But he didn't deserve nice things anymore so he retracted his hand.

"I know Doctor, I know. But what you did, you did because you had no choice. You saved the universe from evil like you've always done. There were terrible, terrible costs but think of how many more would have died had the Time War continued for just one more moment." She smiled and grabbed his hand again, giving his knuckles a tender peck. She looked up hopefully at his dour face and frowned slightly, she released his hand and looked away. Now she was getting it.

"Well, I can't make you do anything you don't want you. If you really want to hang that's your choice but maybe before you go there is one last thing you could do..." She teased out gently and he found himself leaning forward in anticipation. "26 March 2005, London, Harrods. The Nestenes are planning on destroying the Earth. Maybe before you go onto your reward, you can see to it that your last act in the Time War is life and not death. You know, just as a suggestion." She winked cheekily and the Doctor noted that she seemed to be fading in front of him. "And one last thing, do be kind to yourself Doctor or someone else will..." With that said she was gone, just fading out of existence as if she had never been in the first place.

The Doctor rubbed at his eyes and stared at the space where she had once been. He then turned to his eyes up to the rafter where he had originally intended to hang the noose. Maybe that was a little too hasty for the moment… after all, he'd only just taken this body and it would be a shame to kill it before he'd seen what it could do. And he was rather fond of the Earth, surely saving it one last time was a better ending then the end of a rope?

He grit his teeth as he stood up, trying to get used to these new limbs. Maybe he'll take the TARDIS out for a few more trips before Earth 2005, just keep going long enough to come to grips with what he'd done. He was the last Gallifreyan, might as well put his affairs in order before he killed off his species. By the time he'd punched in the coordinates, the impossible girl who appeared in his TARDIS at the opportune time was long forgotten but a small smirk was left in her place.


	16. Fifty Years of Time and Space

The Doctor was feeling a bit down, he wasn't even quite sure why though he supposed it had been a couple of rough months. Searching for and finding out the reason behind Clara, going to his tomb at Trenzalore and that's not even to mention how difficult it was saving Clara and getting out of his time stream but that's a story for another day. He was exhausted and terribly weary to say the least.

For now he was just kind of standing around in his silent control room looking for something to do. There was no one here to put up a façade for, no one to laugh with and lift his spirits. Amy had said he should never be alone but the humans were too fragile to keep them around all the time. Clara had said that she needed some space, needed time to get her head sorted and how could he deny her, his Impossible Girl, a rest?

But still his TARDIS, which used to be bustling and full of life, sat somewhere in space quiet and empty. Maybe he really was getting too old for all this, all those adventures were in the past, and who ever cared about them now? Sometimes he wondered if he should've just let himself be killed at Lake Silencio and let this whole wibbly wobbly mess that was his life be over with.

He was interrupted from his moping by the phone ringing which broke the endless silence. For a moment he contemplated not picking it up but after a few rings curiosity overcame him and he reached for the receiver.

"Hullo?" He said injecting false cheer into his voice.

"Took you long enough, were you planning on ignoring me?" He grinned into the phone at the sound of Clara's voice.

"Course not, you know me, just putzing around here, just took a moment to get out from underneath the TARDIS. I can't help but think that I can re-route the temporal navigation-"

"No you weren't, I know you're just standing around your console doing nothing. You can't lie to me, remember?" The Doctor blushed and started defend himself but Clara continued. "Anyways, I was wondering if you could come pick me up, rest is getting boring and there's still so much of the universe left to see."

"Oh yes! Yes of course, yes I'll be right there." He said excitedly fumbling with the coordinates. "I'll be at the Maitland house 5 minutes ago!"

"No Doctor, I'm not at the house, I'm actually out. I needed to pick a few things up from this store, but I've got my bags with me so could come get me at this address?" The Doctor furrowed his brow at the odd request but he'd never really understood human behavior so maybe this was normal.

"Certainly, just give me an address, a year and an approximate time and I'll be there."

**XXXXXXXXXXX**

Now the Doctor was really confused, he'd finally got his TARDIS to the right location-the first time she landed in the Foreman Junkyard of all places, she must be feeling a bit nostalgic too- but this certainly didn't look like somewhere a London girl would shop. It was rather a bit in the middle of nowhere, it looked to him like an abandoned warehouse actually. He checked the address again and shrugged his shoulders, it was worth checking out at least.

As he made his way up the walk he smiled as Clara skirted out the door and ran towards him, he grinned back and accepted her hug.

"Oh Doctor it's so good to see you again." He pulled back and lovingly brushed some hair behind her ear.

"Anything for my Impossible Girl, now where are we? I thought you were shopping." She giggled and grabbing his am started to lead him back towards the warehouse.

"Oh I was, I just wanted to show you something real quick. I wanted to remind you that no matter where you go throughout time and space, you are so very loved Doctor. I've been in your time stream remember? You've made such a difference to so many people and no matter what you think, it would be a pretty rubbish world without you here."

"Wait, what are you talking about? What's going on?" Clara grinned and pulled open the door.

"It's just a little party to remind you that no matter where you go from here, you will always be that mad Doctor who nobody really knows but we all love terribly." The Doctor's mouth dropped open as he took in the scope of the room before him. No way, it couldn't be and yet… He started laughing.

"Oh my, look at you all! Mickey and Martha! Ben! Polly! Tegan! Jo! Ace! Oh even Ian Chatterton showed up! But what-why would you all come out here?" He asked feeling something warm and wet coming from his eyes. Jack Harkness, looking the same of course, came up to him and hugged him tightly.

"We're here for you Doctor, your pretty young friend here's been working hard to get everyone alive on Earth together to celebrate the times we had you with. We've all been waiting; you really shouldn't be late to your own party you know." The Doctor hugged the Captain back shooting Clara a wide smile. Some of these people he never imagined he would see again, but being back together again it felt so right, as if no time had passed at all. It was like being amongst family again.

"Alright, get off him already and let everyone else have a turn! Gosh look at that baby face! You sure know how to make a girl feel old Doctor." The Doctor let go of Jack to hug Tegan, now with a little gray in her hair but still as sassy as ever, she hugged him tightly. "I've missed you so much, I wanted to see you again so badly but I thought you'd forgotten about me, that I'd gotten too old, that I'd get in the way."

"Oh Tegan, my braveheart," he pulled back and kissed her forehead. "I never forgot any of you my wonderful companions. The adventures we had, the stories we told? How could they be forgotten? They are the moments I will treasure always." Jo stepped forward with a wry smirk.

"Well now, are we going to stand around and cry about the past like a bunch of old women or are we going to have a party?" The Doctor smiled and pulled in his former scientific assistant for a little dance.

And boy did they party, the Doctor insisted on dancing with absolutely everyone, whether they wanted to or not. He and Wilf did the jitterbug together while Mel wore him out with an exhausting tango. And Jack, well Jack got a little too enthusiastic for everyone's comfort. The Doctor swapped U.N.I.T stories with Mickey and Martha around the punchbowl while Jo and Mike Yates commented bitterly upon how that organization had changed over the years. They all took a moment to reflect on the Brigadier's, Harry's and Sarah Jane's much missed presence.

Even old Brian Pond showed up with an adopted Pond grandchild in tow who the Doctor hugged and didn't let go of until the poor man starting gasping for air. Ben and Polly talked to Mel about the strangeness of regeneration and the Doctor commented that it had been just as strange on his side.

He laughed as Grace shyly re-introduced herself and he gave her a kiss on the cheek for old times' sake and asked if she might be willing to dance with the two-hearted man. Later in the evening, he and Ace lit off homemade fireworks. One went off early leaving his jacket a bit singed but that's how it was with Ace and he wouldn't have it any other way.

After a bit, he stood back completely overwhelmed by the rush of emotions and retreated to the back where some of the other old men were resting, he chose a seat next to his oldest friend.

"Having a good time, Doctor?" Ian Chesterton said, now looking much, much older but still retaining that impish spark the Doctor had admired so long ago.

"Oh course, Chitterson, it's just a bit much to take in." The Doctor paused. "How long has it been for you? Since you first saw me, it's been countless centuries for me but…" Ian smiled warmly.

"Fifty years Doctor, fifty years since Barbara and I discovered that mild curiosity in a junkyard and had our lives completely turned around." The Doctor turned away in shame. "Now what's with that face you old codger? I didn't say I regretted it. These have been the greatest fifty years. Without you I'd have never gotten to know the woman who would eventually become my wife, never known all the glories of the universe and I'd have never been a part of this huge and crazy family." He spread his arms out wide gesturing to the other smiling people.

"Do you see them Doctor? Do they look like they regret their time with you? Just as you feel that we helped you, you made all of us better as well. You helped us discover who we were and who we could be. It would be a poorer world indeed if we didn't have our Doctor here." The Doctor sniffed and turned away to discreetly wipe his eyes.

"Thank you Ian, you don't know what that means to me." He raised his punch glass. "To all the people we've loved and lost over the years, to all the adventures past and future and to fifty more years of the greatest family I've ever known." Ian smiled and raised his own glass.

"Hear, hear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this for the 50th anniversary in November of 2013


	17. Goodnight

Sometimes, not very often, the man known as the Doctor slept.

He occasionally did it voluntarily but most of the time it was a result of pure exhaustion. Over the centuries, he'd found himself sleeping in many odd places, the flaming fields of Andronia, on a table in Gallifrey's presidential council room and sometimes leaned up against a wall somewhere in the universe when he just couldn't stay awake a moment longer. But by far the location he slept most often was in the console room of his TARDIS, buried knee deep in wires or huddled awkwardly on his swing.

So if were you lucky enough to be chosen as the Doctor's companion and for some reason were wandering about the TARDIS late at night, once in a blue moon you just might find your resident mad man asleep. I should expect you would pause in surprise for with all his jabbering and crazy movements it's a bit disconcerting to see him so still and quiet. You might even take a moment to appreciate the silence.

But then still your brow may furrow as an unfamiliar sensation creeps up your spine, one that may leave you feeling a bit frightened aboard the strange and alien ship. You shouldn't worry, that tingling you feel in the back of your mind, such as a cat brushing ever so lightly against your leg only in your head, is perfect natural. You may not have known that the Doctor, that all Time Lords in fact are extremely powerful telepaths.

Yes, despite the goofy exterior your Doctor may express, he is very well trained in his art and remains one of the universe's most proficient telepaths. That may worry you; you may feel uncomfortable knowing that your travelling companion has the ability to break into your thoughts at any time without your knowledge. Fear not for the Doctor is an honorable man and would never enter another's mind unless it's a dire emergency or he had their permission.

But why, you may then ask, are you feeling these invisible little cat nudges in your mind? Well it's quite simple actually, for you are actually feeling the edges of the Doctor's dream. Yes of course Time Lords dream, you silly thing. Everyone dreams after all. Telepathic ability slips a bit when one is asleep, even Time Lords, and every now and again they will project things to nearby life-forms. Aren't you lucky?

You'll close your eyes probably; trying to get a hold of that strange foreign _other_ in your head but it is, of course, a futile effort. Trying to catch onto your own dream is nigh impossible not to mention someone else's. You have about as much chance trying to reach the Doctor's dream as you do being able to stop the tides from receding using your bare hands.

Maybe though, if you dared to risk it, you could take a few steps into the control room, ignoring your worries and the ominous dimming of the lights from the ship. The closer you are to the dreaming telepath the clearer the feelings become. Now the Doctor's seen a lot of great and terrible things in his life and maybe, if you get close enough, you could feel a sudden sharp tang of fear from a long gone peril or the icy burn of regeneration energy bubbling from your core or a planet burning hot at your feet in which case I suggest you turn around and run and seek refuge in your morality that you will never know such horrors.

Or maybe, just maybe, if the stars are aligned, both your fingers are crossed and it's a Tuesday you just might catch him in a pleasant state of mind. There'd be this sense of peace, an all-encompassing sense of content that nearly drowns you. You might feel the warm brush of burgundy colored grass at your feet and the sounds of laughing- not crying, never crying- children echoing in your head. But the best part of this whole experience would probably be not what you feel in your mind but what you see in front of you.

The Doctor would just look so content in his moment of rest. On his face would simply be nothing, no anger, no pleasure, fear nor humor. There is no Storm, no Savior only a boy in his box in a rare moment of relaxation.

I should hope by now that you'd have sensed your unwanted intrusion into a world not your own and you'd make a hasty retreat for this is not your Doctor. This is not the man you fight monsters with, who you bicker with and cuddle with while watching movies. This is not the Doctor of any companion and even his faithful ship dares not disturb the sacred ground of the Doctor's slumber.

So as you leave, take note of the special occasion. Know that you will probably never see the Doctor resting again and if you do, you'll never, ever feel his dreams. Go now, tiptoe out of that control room and hurry back to your room. In fact, if I were you, I would run and push the whole incident out of your mind; pretend it was a delusion caused by those strange alien fruits you had for dinner.

If you do choose to retain the memory know that your experiences with the Doctor will be forever altered and you'll never feel quite comfortable around him again. Because one thing is for certain, if you stumble into one of the Doctor's dreams late one night all you will be left with is with a sense of vastness; a soul deep understanding that there is so much more to the alien Doctor than you could learn in ten thousand lifetimes and he is forever beyond the grasp of any mortal.

Crawl back into your bed little one for there are somethings in the universe that you really shouldn't know. Cuddle deep into those sheets, yes like that, now pull up the fuzzy blanket you brought from your home planet and let the allure of sleep pull you down.

Before your eyelids flicker shut for the night perhaps, against my better judgment, spare a thought to the terrifying nature of the Doctor. You may think of the deepness of that man, of the unimaginable weight he bears multiplied by hundreds maybe even thousands of years. That is not a man, you may think, but a terribly potent idea wrapped deceptively in the guise of a harmless little human. But then the thought escapes you as you are lulled into a peaceful sleep.

Elsewhere the man who is called the Doctor, but who is in a fact a great many other things, still sleeps unaware of the world around him. The universe pours into his mind as he dreams of distant planets and glistening white stars and time itself dancing at his fingertips. He dreams of the infinite and the tiny and the beautiful and the ordinary. Mostly he dreams of his home and the long journey back though he never remembers it upon awakening. But all that doesn't matter, for now there is only a sleeping Time Lord letting go of his worries for a change and enjoying a well-deserved rest in his home. Even the greatest of men and strongest of ideas need to sleep every now and again.

So goodnight dear Doctor, may your winds be fair and your dreams resound sweetly to bring you home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this in response to the Day of the Doctor special and it remains one of my favorites in this collection.


	18. Antidote

The First Doctor was steaming, quite literally in this manner.

He stood in the TARDIS kitchen with a kettle and a box of tea frowning irritably. It couldn't be that hard, even the humans were able to make it large quantities. Since he and Susan had stopped on Earth he had become quite partial to the heavenly beverage known as tea but he could never seem to make it properly himself. It hadn't been a problem before; either he or Susan just ran up to the café up the street and got a few cups whenever they desired it. But now with Barbara and Chatterton onboard, they insisted on having fresh brewed tea and not the manufactured swill the TARDIS produced. How needy these humans were.

The Doctor frowned. Susan and the others were sitting in the lounge waiting for their tea and the Doctor would never want to disappoint his granddaughter. So all he had to do was get the tea properly made and Susan would smile at him. He grabbed the kettle and pulled back once he realized how hot it was, cursing in a few languages, he grabbed a hot pad. Right now he-

"Here you pour it in these mugs, there, steady as she goes." Had he not been holding a boiling kettle of water the Doctor would have snapped at Barbara's nosiness. Hadn't he told her to remain in the lounge with the others? She seemed to sense his foul mood as he poured the hot water and smiled fondly.

"Oh don't worry, I excused myself to the restroom and thought I'd check up on you. I know how men are with cooking and alien men are no exception. Now put a little more in the cups Doctor, you want a good tall- no stop that's enough, here let's dump a bit out now." She grimaced a little as the water overflowed in one of the cups. As he grabbed a towel she walked over to the sink a poured a little out.

"I don't need you here you know, I am perfectly capable of making tea for a couple of humans." He sneered straightening his coat as he heard her chuckle lightly.

"Which is why I see four brown, sticky cups in the sink, it's alright to admit Doctor. My granddad was just like you, couldn't make a proper cuppa unless my grandmum was around. Just let me show you ok?" She said complacently bringing the moderately full mug back over to him, seeing his frowning face she rolled her eyes. "Ok if not for me and Ian do it for Susan, I wouldn't want my worst enemy drinking poorly made tea much less my granddaughter." He roughly pushed the box her way and she smiled.

"See that wasn't so hard was it? Now you take the bags and set them in the cups like so. The key is to get the temperature just right and to let the tea steep just long enough, for Earl Grey it's between 3 and 5 minutes depending on how strong you like it. And there you go, let it steep and prepare the sugar or milk and you're all set. While we wait we can clean up real quick." Barbara set the mugs down and began bustling about the kitchen mopping up the messes he'd made and putting away the ingredients. He just stared down as the boiling water slowly began to turn a deep brown color and did it ever smell good.

"Where did you learn how to do this hmm? The directions on the box were not very clear, so how do you know?" He asked pouring out a little bit of sugar and milk. Barbara shrugged, bringing a finger to her lips as she considered the question.

"It's just something you pick up and then pass on, I learned from my mum who learned from my grandmum and so on. The art of making a good cup of tea isn't something you can really learn from reading directions, it's something that needs to be learned and practiced and later taught. You keep working at it and soon you'll have it down easy." She said with a smile as she washed her hands while he mulled over her words.

He had greatly underestimated the making of tea, he had tried to break it down to a science and wondered why it tasted so awful when it was really made of something less calculating. Perhaps maybe he'd underestimated the intelligence of these humans and their inventions, they really were quite clever and it seemed he still had a great deal to learn from them.

"Yes well," he huffed tugging on his jacket looking for his footing. "I appreciate your help but Ian and Susan must wonder where you've gone off too so if you're quite finished I'm about to finish up."

"Right of course," she replied with a light eye roll which he chose to ignore. "I'll be curious to see how your first attempt comes out, it's the greatest feeling when you bring a good cup to your lips for your first sip and you realize that's your own doing." She then exited the kitchen leaving the Doctor alone. He pulled out a tray and gently set the tea and condiments on it before frowning thoughtfully at his own cup. The first sip eh? Best to make sure it was alright before he took it out to everyone; one could never really trust Earth women after all.

The Doctor brought the cup up, took a deep breath and-

The Doctor sighed with pleasure at the first sip, the best part of every cup as Barbara had said a very long time ago and he usually thought of that every time he held his own mug. And how right she had been, all those smooth and rich tastes that existed in that first sip only existed because he knew how to correctly make tea. Heavenly, simply heavenly, he only wished he'd been able to properly thank Barbara for her help that day. He made hundreds of thousands of cups since that day but he'd always remembered her patience and care when helping him, the best sweetener to any cup.

"Doctor, where's the tea?" Right duty called, picking up a fully stocked tray he vacated the kitchen leaving it empty but still terribly warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sequel to the previous shot 'Poison' but not strictly necessary, more for context


	19. Saving the Doctor (2)

_The Great Intelligence huh?_ The Doctor thought as he finally had a moment's peace from the humans to think. They had only just encountered the creature in the Himalayas and now it was again here in the London Underground of all places. The Doctor wanted to huff his disapproval. Really now, if you were going to go to all the trouble of being a villain you might as well do it right. Yeti's in 1960's London? The Doctor wanted to shake his head, they don't make evil masterminds like they used to.

But it was still troubling how often this menace was showing up. He wondered if he'd ever be able to stop it for good or if this would be another creature he would be battling for the rest of his life.

"Now, now," he quietly told himself as he slunk through the tunnels. "There's no time for philosophizing, there's work to be done. I just need to find the Yeti signaling center and-" the Doctor let out a bit of a shriek as he came face to face with a Yeti. Even with this body's short stature the Yeti was enormous and the Doctor searched for something to distract it before he was killed.

"Take me to your leader!" He shouted, putting as much authority into his voice as possible. "I need a word with your master the Great Intelligence and I won't leave until I get that! You'd better take me to him right this instant or things will go badly for you!" He babbled, pacing quickly around to release some of his agitation. They must have an operating base somewhere… maybe that's where they were controlling the Yeti, if he could stop that.

" _Doctor_ " a voice hissed from the robotic monstrosity and the Doctor jumped again in surprise, he'd never heard any the Yeti speak before so this must be new. He gulped, well, he said he wanted to be taken to their leader...

"The Great Intelligence I presume?"

" _You're as sharp as ever Doctor, though I am surprised to see you again in this form. The last time we battled in 19_ _th_ _century London, you were tall and young with a strange group around you_." The Doctor furrowed his eyes, so he did meet the creature in the future. Oh well it didn't do much for him now except confirm that he had a future which he supposed was nice to know.

"Yes well you know how things go, one moment you're one man and the next another entirely!" He shrugged gamely, still seeking a way out of this uncomfortable situation. But still, might as well get something useful while he was here. "So are you going to tell me your plan or do I have to guess it?"

" _My Yeti will conquer London using these tunnels, when we have London we will be able to take this whole planet. All thanks to you Doctor, your advice last meeting was most helpful_." The Doctor sneered; boy did he have a big mouth in the future. If he got out of this he was giving himself a punch in the nose. Oh he bet it was the Dandy wasn't it? " _But_ _you have now outlived your usefulness Doctor, twice you have thwarted me, there will not be a third time._ "

"Oi!" A young female voice shouted, the Yeti was distracted giving the Doctor enough time to scoot away from the monster. He started running, running away from the Yeti and the monster that controlled it. He had to get out of here, he could find the controls later but that thing could kill him! Rushing around a corner he nearly ran into a young girl.

"Oh Victoria I'm so sorry- you're not Victoria!" He shouted almost angrily as the young girl brushed off her coat.

"Well neither are you but you don't hear me shouting." She said giving him a pout; she tilted her head to one side. "Come on Doctor, the Yeti's gone the other way so we should be safe this way." She then started walking briskly ahead and he'd no choice but to follow after her.

"Now just you wait a minute, how do you know my name, young lady? How do I know you're not in the same league as the Great Intelligence?" The girl laughed, a pretty sound and the Doctor's worries were soothed without really knowing why.

"Hardly, it seems like the Great Intelligence and I have been fighting forever. He's got a mean streak in him Doctor so watch out, don't underestimate the lengths he'll go to stop you." He nodded.

"So who are you?" She grinned again like the question was just one long, private joke.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He was about to answer back when the roar of a Yeti was heard and it rocked the tunnels. What a terrible monster that was, he only hoped he had the strength to stop it.

"Oh don't worry, you'll do fine. This whole mess will get wrapped up quick as you like. Besides, this adventure isn't nearly as bad as Victorian London and the Snowmen. I still have nightmares about that one." He paused and looked, really looked at her. No but that was impossible.

"Victorian London did you say? But-but that can't be right," he stammered looking at her entirely bemused face. "That's from the future, my personal future! You can't possible know about that. Who are you?" He demanded again only to be cut short by the sound of the Yeti howling again and it fast approached.

"Run," she answered quietly. "Run you clever boy and remember me because it only gets weird from here." The Doctor took his eyes off her to glance backwards where the Yeti's shadow crept towards him. He turned back and gasped to find that she was gone. Where had she- Oh no, no time for that, he'd better get back to Jamie, Victoria and the Colonel.

So the Doctor did what he did best, he ran, leaving the mystery of the impossible girl behind where he would eventually find again several hundred years in the future.


	20. Still Not Ginger

_All of time and space I promise her_ , the Doctor thought with a trace of frustration, _and she chooses the Planet of the Little Shops._ He rubbed the console of his TARDIS thoughtfully listening to her pleasant hum and ran his hand through his hair. Well if it made Clara feel better after the whole ghost hunting adventure gone awry then that was just fine by him. He smiled to himself again at the thought, not everything ends. Not love, not always...

" _Hush now, don't give me that face, you'll be just fine."_

He gasped lightly at the memory and he pulled the strands down in front of his face to check just one more time. He frowned, one of those real ugly frowns he wore when he thought the humans weren't looking, and put his hair back in it's crazy, floppy position. What was he expecting? To turn ginger overnight? That two ginger companions in a row would somehow rub onto him and change his dark brown to silky red? He rubbed at his eyes fitfully.

No he didn't need this right now. Or ever really.

He had moved on, four bodies later and he was finally starting to let go and yet-and yet each time he emerged from the fiery hell of regeneration the first thing he would do is ask that fateful question, not 'are my organs in the right places' or 'does my nose look too big on this body?' but to question his hair color. It was even worse to pretend that the answer didn't absolutely tear him to pieces. He had waited for so long but he had some more waiting to do it seemed.

" _Do you remember the Gardens of Elysium? How we ran? Or the time we were stranded on Arcadia?"_

That damned woman, with her hair and that maddening smile and her quips as he piloted the TARDIS. Oh how she infuriated him. And oh how much he loved her. The Doctor fell back into his seat with a defeated sigh. Clara would probably be awhile yet and there was no stopping the deluge of memories now.

She'd been a brunette last time he saw her, a chestnut brown with elegant waves cut at her shoulder. Before that she'd been blonde and a deep dark brown before that. But through the various regenerations her hair always felt the same as his fingers would roam through it. His wife, his lover of many centuries whose death had left him feeling incomplete. It's been so long and he can still remember the soft sweetness of her hair which had held the fresh smell of Gallifreyan grass.

He kept telling himself that he had gotten over her tragic death during the Time War, hell he had even married River Song, that meant he had to have accepted his late wife's death. He ground his teeth as a reminder that River, who was most certainly _not_ a replacement for another Time Lady, was also very much dead which left him zero for two as far as keeping wives went. Oh wow, that was bitter. He let his head with his too dark locks to fall into his hands.

" _It's okay my love, I know you don't because you haven't done it yet."_

He missed her so badly. He wanted to hold her again, maybe even cry a little on her shoulder and let her kiss his temples lovingly like she used to do. He wanted reassurance, the reassurance that it would be alright, that he had made the right decisions in his travels, that everything he had believed in wasn't a lie. Mostly he just wanted to snog the living daylights out of her one more time. And he would get it; he would get his last chance with his beloved just like he got his date on Darillium with River. She had promised him as much. All he had to do was wait for the regeneration with the red hair for their reunion.

_"Yes, I know I never mentioned it but I met you, not this you or a past you but a you from far, far in the future. You outlive this war darling; you have to because I remember seeing you in your silly outfit with coppery red hair and a ridiculous smile on your face. You'll see me again, it will all be ok."_

He remembered those haunting words, the spoken quickly to get her point across before the Daleks got her. Like River, she had spent her last moments alive reassuring him. They had been running hand in hand through the Grand Hall on Gallifrey, trying to escape the fires and the Daleks that chased them. So close, they were so close but the building's emergency protocols had kicked in just a moment too soon and a wall had come down between them with her trapped right in the middle of the storm.

He had screamed and hollered trying to free her but it had been no use, she had nowhere to run. And then she dropped that bombshell, speaking through her wavering voice as she tried to avoid the fear she had to have been feeling. She told him of adventures they would have in the future, how he would see her again after her death, of the glistening red hair he would have at some point in his future. And so as the Doctor ran back to his TARDIS and her voice was suddenly silenced, he knew that he would wait for the rest of time for her to come back to him.

" _You need to live Doctor, you have to. I know it will be hard but you have to be there to meet me or we could cause a paradox. You had such old eyes then, that future you, so much pain and anguish but you survive and you move on. It will come, don't worry my love, and remember that I'm always here with you."_

He needed his peace; he needed closure on that chapter of his life. Gallifrey was gone and his wife and his children only lived on in his memories but they were eating him alive. She would give him the reassurance he needed to hear, stroke his ginger locks and tell him that he could still love her while moving on with his life.

He ran his hand through his hair again. For now he could live with this body; it was a good body, young and virile, but the next one…Maybe the next one would be the one she had spoken of, the one with the crazy clothes and the ridiculous smile. The key is the hair, once that regeneration arrived then he can start preparing his finals goodbyes and await her arrival. He hoped they had fun together, in those precious fleeting moments of their reunion.

He was sure they would, from what he could tell, gingers always had more fun.


	21. Orphans

He never knew what to say to Nyssa in the aftermath of Traken's destruction. Her whole planet, her whole culture, everything and everyone she had ever known was just gone in the blink of an eye. How does one even begin to deal with that?

The worst part was that Nyssa being Nyssa, she never complained or cried or acted out of the ordinary. While it had been rough what with his recent regeneration and the addition of Tegan to the crew, there was no need for her to ignore her suffering like this. It would be so much easier to ease her pain if she'd only fall to the floor and weep but here she stood playing with the controls with a slightly vacant look on her face. The poor girl.

"Nyssa," the Fifth Doctor inquired gently, coming up next to her. She blinked and looked up at him impassively even daring to put on a light smile.

"Yes Doctor? I'm sorry I was, I was just thinking." She answered quietly turning her face down to begin playing with the controls again. He wanted to cry for her, the pain was radiating from her like an open wound and yet she refused to show it. He brought his hand up and put it over her own.

"Nyssa," he said again, his voice dropping in what he hoped was a comforting manner. She took a deep breath trying to hold in her sadness but he merely shook his head and brought her hand up to his lips to kiss. Adric was off sulking somewhere, probably still upset over how different this incarnation was and Tegan was just starting to get settled into her new room. There was no chance that they would be disturbed, neither would see the normally composed Princess so vulnerable. "It's ok."

She started shaking and she fell into his arms sobbing in-between gasps for air. She couldn't even hold herself up so he gently lowered them to the floor and held her as if she were the most precious thing and right now she was. Even now that she was the last of the Trakenites, the sole survivor of a once prosperous race, Nyssa was so much more than that. She was an incredibly talented young woman who he was privileged to know.

"I know darling, I don't know what to say. I wish I could tell you I could bring Traken back but I can't. I wish I could say that it will get better with time but I honestly don't know." He paused to kiss her brown curls allowing her let out her pent-up grief. "But I can offer you all the love and support you need. I will always be there for you when you need me, Tegan and Adric too. It's not the same, and it won't ever be the same but we're here for you my love." She didn't answer and instead buried herself into his jacket and continued to cry. She didn't stop for a while, not for at least an hour before she gently cried herself to sleep.

Smiling, he gently he picked her up and walked her back into her room. He doubted her dreams would be pleasant; she'd probably be replaying the fall of Traken behind her eyelids for the rest of her days. But she had them, this awkward patchwork family of theirs, and that was all they could do. She'd be alright in the end, she was strong and disciplined, but she'd never smile as freely as she used to.

Tucking her in and turning out the light. He brushed the hair out of her eyes and kissed her forehead. He wished he could help more but he had no idea what to say. He had no lost love for the Time Lords but they'd always been there and they probably always would be. He'd never that pain his young charge felt but maybe he could help her fine her peace.

**XXXXXXXXX**

It was funny how after everything, Nyssa was the first thing he thought about. Sweet Nyssa, kind Nyssa, beautiful Nyssa who lost her planet and remained so lovely that she left him to devote her life to others. Would he become so generous now that Gallifrey was gone?

Lying on the floor of his TARDIS, still dressed in _that man's_ clothes, the Ninth Doctor's-he'd not been the Doctor for so long, could he really go back so easily?- first thought was of Nyssa of Traken, the last of the Trakenites. He wondered how she did it so long ago, how she had been able to smile so soon after her planet's death. How had she been able to go days and days without crying when he himself felt the tears coming now? True, Nyssa had not been responsible for the death of her planet as he was, but the large gaping hole in his hearts where Gallifrey used to be ached something terrible.

He wished Nyssa were here now. He wanted to ask her if it ever got any better, if over the long, long years if Traken ever really left her mind. It had only been a few hours and the Doctor felt like the void inside of him would swallow him whole and leave him with nothing.

Most of all he wanted to hold her close and tell her that he understood now. That it was ok for her to cry and to be upset and that he loved her even more now. Orphans had to stick together after all. But Nyssa was gone, she'd lived and died and he could never see her again. Traken had died with her as Gallifrey would die with him leaving him completely isolated. He'd been alone before but never like this, now he could never go home, just like Nyssa.

So he laid his head in his hands and wept, a loud aching sound that bounced off the walls as Nyssa's cries once did. His planet was gone; he was the last and a girl countless centuries younger than he handled it better than he was. His Nyssa, his beautiful girl. Now they were both orphans in this harsh world only he had no one here to hold him while he cried. Now he had no one to promise him that everything would be better. All he had left was an empty TARDIS to throw make his cries back at him


	22. Saving the Doctor (8)

W-where I am? Who am I? The man known as the Doctor shook his head and sat down on a bench outside a junkyard of all places and put his head in his hands. He knew he was called the Doctor and he knew that the strange bigger-on-the-inside ship was to be trusted but his life but his personality and even his thoughts were all gone.

Why was he even here? He looked over at the blue box he had just exited and then to the sign on the Junkyard. It said he was at 76 Totter's Lane, at a place called the I.M. Foreman Junkyard. Quite a place for the ship to take him but maybe it would give him some sort of clue as to his identity. He stood up with a groan, noting how his body felt strange and not right, like he wasn't quite used to it yet _. No_ , he thought, _you're talking nonsense. How can a man as old as he not be used to his own body?_

He wandered around and was caught up in a dizzying sense of deja-vu; he had been here before hadn't he? He recognized it but he couldn't quite remember where. He remembered that there had been other people here with him but he couldn't think who there were only that they had been special to him. He felt light-headed, why couldn't he remember anything? Why-

"Doctor watch out!" he jerked as an arm pulled him out of the way not moments before a car sped by honking angrily at him for wandering out into the street. He blinked oh dear, that could have been rather bad. He had only just gotten this body, he needn't regenerate so soon. Wait, regeneration? What was that?

"You big idiot, are you ok?" He looked over to see a young girl with brown hair held back by a hairband leaning on her knees panting slightly. She gave him an admonishing glare. "You've could've been killed! You don't need to make my job any harder than it already is!"

"Yes, yes," he gazed back absentmindedly at the spot where the car had nearly run him over. This really wasn't his day was it? "I'm terribly grateful Miss. Uh…" She smiled like she had a glorious secret and he found it just a bit unnerving.

"My name's not important, Doctor but what is important is getting your head on straight before any more cars come along." He looked at her blankly.

"You know who I am?" She grinned and gently grabbed him hand as she led him back over to the bench he had previously occupied.

"I bet you recognize this place don't you? 76 Totters lane, I.M. Foreman Junkyard, rings a bell doesn't it?" She gestured to the surrounding area, he nodded absentmindedly. "It's because you've come here thrice already. Once not that long ago while battling the Daleks, and then some time before that when the Cybermen were invading London and then for the first time a very, very long time ago with your granddaughter and a couple of nosy school teachers." She winked with a cheeky smile.

"But you don't need me blathering on like this, you've got a very important appointment for a little bit of self-reflection." She nodded her head toward the other end of the Junkyard where an old man was walking with a cane. "Don't worry, he's a bit rough around the edges but he's a right old bloke. I actually gave him some car advice a while ago plus you two have got more in common than you realize." The Doctor turned to look at the old man who was now within shouting distance. He squinted, the old man certainly did seem familiar but he just couldn't explain how.

"I don't understand how do you know all-" he turned back only to find empty space in place of the girl who had saved his life. He blinked, there had been a girl here, hadn't there? He rubbed at his head. He-he couldn't even remember. Wait what was he doing again? He had forgotten, he was always forgetting things it seemed...

"Hello, hello there young man. You appear to be very much out of your time, hmm?. What's so bad that you need to be here bothering an old man, Doctor? goodness gracious the more I see of my future the more worried I become." The Doctor, the latest version anyway, chuckled in confusion as the memories of his first life began to come back overriding the memory of a pretty brown haired girl who had once again saved his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8's always getting amnesia bless him


	23. Dust

"Oh wow look at it." The Doctor in his tenth incarnation said with a sense of childlike wonder as if he had never seen the impressive brick building before. Granted it had been several lifetimes since he had last stood here so he felt his glee was warranted. Good old U.N.I.T HQ, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath; even with all the extra pollution in the air, it still smelled very much the same.

"Doctor, are you alright?" He smirked as Martha, _Dr. Jones_ , cocked her head in concern. He realized that his behavior must seem a bit odd to his companion and he grinned sheepishly.

"Oh yeah, yeah just fine, brilliant actually. Sorry 'bout that, just had a bit of a nostalgic moment for a minute there, don't mind me. Lead the way Doctor." He couldn't get his head too wound up in the past; there was still ATMOS to deal with which was looking worse by the minute. He had his suspicions and it was generally agreed that visiting HQ for some lab samples would be best. He didn't even really think about it until that worn down building came into view and the memories just poured back. Martha chuckled at him as she held the door open for him into the building.

"Really Doctor, the building's not that interesting." He ran his fingers along the sides of the brick as he stepped through the wide doors.  
  


" _Now Doctor we'll be having some very important visitors today. I need you to be on your best behavior. No talk of alien customs or your crazy inventions, in fact don't even speak at all, just smile when I introduce you or we'll both be in hot water." Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart said curtly as he held open the door for his scientific advisor. The Doctor didn't take the threat too seriously if the small smile on his friend's face was any indication. The Doctor straightened his cape._

" _My dear Brigadier, why would I ever embarrass you? If anything you should be embarrassed to be associating with such small-minded scientists when you could be talking to me." The Brigadier rolled his eyes and sighed wearily._

" _Are you sure you couldn't just call in sick today?"_  
  


"Oh Martha Jones you know better than that, buildings tell stories, if you look closely enough you can see the echoes of lives long gone. Who knows how many people have touched these bricks, I know I have at least a few thousand times, but what about all the people who came before and after me? All those people left their mark on that brick, made such an impression that it's slowly eroding away."

Martha rolled her eyes, probably used to his sentimental jabberings like the Brigadier before her. His smile broadened once they stepped inside. Forget the TARDIS, this was _really_ going back in time. He almost expected Liz Shaw or Mike Yates to come around the corner to tell him that the Master had been spotted again. He grabbed Martha's hand in a sudden bout of enthusiasm.

"Doctor!" she gasped as he started dragging her down the hall. "The research lab is this way; I've never even been down this corridor before." Ha! As if she knew, he knew U.N.I.T Headquarters like he knew the inside of his TARDIS. So many nights when everyone was at home and his biology wouldn't let him sleep; he'd wandered these halls and made little repairs here and there. Why if he had to call any place his second home it would have to be- Oh.

He stopped mid-step, staring at the darkened hallway. The signs on familiar doors were worn away or removed entirely and through the window into his old lab he could see nothing but dust and a couple piles of boxes. His shoulders sagged. Silly Doctor, it's been what? Forty years on Earth since he worked here and he just expected everything to be as it was? That maybe Jo Grant would be sitting on his work bench playing with one of his old experiments.

Martha looked confused for a moment before understanding dawned on her face. "Oh that's right, I forgot you used to work here, back in its Heyday. Was this your office?" She enquired innocently, touching the door handle he'd yanked open many times in the past.

"It used to be, once," he muttered looking sadly at the dank hallway. This is why he kept running; he never wanted to realize how many things were taken away from him. "Just another storage room now, come on they're all probably waiting on us." He started to turn around but Martha pulled him back pulling him through the open door and into his old work room.

"Oh no, you dragged me all the way down here, you've at least got to show me around. Did you have assistants? Oh look who I'm talking to of course you did, and everyone at U.N.I.T hears stories about you and Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart." He almost groaned, couldn't she see that he didn't want to-wait what was that?

"Martha wait, look at this!" He shouted his excitement returning as he took in the full scope of the room and scurried over to his desk where several flasks and beakers stood waited to be filled up. "These are my mine! I remember when I cracked this graduated cylinder one time when Jo startled me." He smiled, fondly running his thumb down the old crack. "They actually kept this." A sudden thought came to him and he looked at the boxes in a new found light. He picked up the nearest box on the ground and tore it open where he barked with laughter.

"Look it's my old clothes, I'd wondered where they'd got off to! There's my cape and my cravats and velvet jackets and all in mint condition ready for use again. And look at this! I remember this…" He smiled warmly as he gently picked up a framed picture that used to sit on his bench. It was of him, the Brigadier, Jo and several U.N.I.T soldiers chatting amiably in the lab. They'd just caught the Master and were talking excitedly when someone snapped a photo. It was one he cherished when the nights were long and he desperately wished for his freedom in the stars. Martha knelt down next to him.

"You see Doctor, they never really forgot about you. They just put it all away for you should you ever come back. You're all people talk about here, the mad alien science advisor from years back." She gently grabbed the picture and admired it. "Is that you? The tall one with the grey hair? You know I can sort of see it, I bet you all a grand old time together."

He chuckled, "oh Martha you wouldn't believe, they were the very best of times, times I wouldn't exchange for all the stars in the sky." He stood up suddenly.

"Well what are you sitting around for Doctor Jones? Why are we hanging back in a dusty old storeroom when there's new adventures to be had? These are relics from a bygone age but this here and now, this is what matter. So ATMOS huh? Let's do this, you and me Martha, just like the old days! Allons-y!" The Doctor shouted running down, Martha smiled with an affectionate eye roll.

"Wrong way Doctor." With a shake of her head she got to her feet and gave the room one last look. She could almost feel the love and friendship that once lived in this room. She gently set up the picture on the desk where she thought the Doctor might have worked. But he was right, the past was passed and it was time to make new memories. But that didn't mean they had to ignore the old ones completely, she'd even heard rumors of a yellow speedster parked in the Brigadier's garage…

"Martha you coming?" Martha stepped out of the room and closed the door leaving the memories alone but certainly not forgotten.


	24. Emergency Programme One

**Rose**

" _Calm down Rose, you've seen this bit before so you should know that there's no use to be banging and shouting around."_ The Doctor had his hands in the pocket of his pinstripe suit with a sardonic smile on his face as he envisioned his companion. _"If you're seeing this, Emergency Programme One has activated and we're in mortal peril and blah, blah you can go back home to your mum yadda yadda leave the TARDIS be and everything will be fine. You know this song and dance so I'll skip right on to the finale."_ He rolled his eyes, rocking on his heels trying to look carefree while a heavy weight was on top of him.

" _Please just listen to me, honestly, you don't ever learn do you? Don't come back for me, and I really, properly mean it this time. I've given the TARDIS a stern talking to so you can't repeat your little stunt again like you did that time with the Daleks."_ The grin vanished and he smiled grimly at the spot he most suspected Rose to be standing. " _Please, this is really it. Let this rubbish old man have his peace knowing that you're happy and safe on Earth with your mum. So go on Rose Marion Tyler, go out into the world and show them what you can do. Tell them about werewolves and Queen Victoria, about a lonely Dalek who you helped find redemption and a bitter old man in a phone box who learned to love again because of this amazing Earth shop girl."_

At the last comment he turned away and blushed before coming back to the camera with a nervous swallow. " _It-it's true, you made me better Rose, after the Time War, after all that death I saw and caused and I never thought I'd be able to heal. It doesn't make what I did right, but you've helped me get past all that and move on. Everything you see before you now is all because of you, Rose. Remember that and know that you are so special to me, special enough that I wouldn't risk your life for anything in the entire universe. So I said it once and I'll say it again because it's still a good line."_ The Doctor's grin returned, not his usual manic one, but a softer one full of love and admiration.

" _Have a good life. Do that for me, Rose. Have a fantastic life."_

* * *

**Martha**

" _Martha? This is important so hush."_ The Doctor paused to take a deep breath. _"If you're hearing this then Emergency Programme One has activated. It's a defense mechanism in the TARDIS designed to keep you safe. It'll take you back home, safe and sound, back to your bonkers family and your medical career, but-but the thing is you won't see me…ever again because this-"_ He held his hands out wide as if presenting some lucky guest with a prize _._ " _Is my swan song. Whatever it is we're fighting… it's enough that I'm taking you out of danger where you'll be safe and will be far, far away when I-I-"_ He stopped unable to keep up the pleasant fanfare and sighed pitifully.

" _You know that companion I used to have, Rose, oh yes of course you have, I'm sure you're sick to death of hearing me talk about her. But I had to use this programme a long, long time ago with her when I thought I was dying and, well, she just wouldn't listen and do know what she did?"_ He chuckled fondly, staring into space and at a well-worn memory.

 _"She came back for me, absorbed the heart of the TARDIS and came back for me. She saved me, saved the universe and well- that won't happen now, I've put extra locks on the old girl so don't even think about it Martha Jones. But I know it's been hard Martha, I know I haven't been completely fair to you. You're not Rose, but you are Martha and you know what? I wouldn't want you to be anyone else."_ He smiled with happiness not at a lost friend but a current one where he thought she would be.

" _Go on, go and be the doctor I know you can be. Save people, give them hope and see them through the dark times like you did with me. As for the TARDIS, let her land on the Earth and let her retire in peace. Give her one last pat for me, tell her that she's beautiful and let her finally join her sisters. As for me, well I'll be happy knowing you are happy out there. Just maybe, if you're thinking of it, look up at the sky while you're saving the world from cancer or whatever illness you humans have, and think of the old Doctor and his mad blue box. It was fun Martha, you and me. I hope you had as much fun as I did. Goodbye Martha, I'm so glad that you were able to get out."_

* * *

**Donna**

" _Donna."_ The Doctor paused _"Donna, come on now… DONNA! There, there we go. Now that you're listening, keep quiet because this is important."_ The Doctor shoved his hands into his pockets. _"You're probably yelling at me for beating 'round the bush so I'll get to the point. If you're seeing this then we're in impossible danger, real deadly danger. Deadly danger? Bit of an oxymoron that is but anyway I'm most likely incapacitated right now and so I'm sending you home. And no, the TARDIS won't be coming back for me and you most likely will never see me again. This is a last resort and I hope more than anything that you're safe and do you know why? Because you are important Donna and don't you ever forget that."_ He chuckled lightly and began fiddling with his hands.

" _You remember that Christmas? You in the TARDIS in your wedding dress? Or investigating Madame Foster and Adipose Industries? You've got some astounding luck there Donna, finding your way back to me. I guess it shows how much I really needed you. The best temp in Chiswick, it has been the greatest honor to have you aboard the TARDIS. You helped me heal after-after Rose and Martha, you were my mate and I wouldn't have traded your company for all the stars in the sky."_ He turned a bit so he was facing the door where he thought she'd still be pounding and shouting.

" _So quit your hollering already, blimey I'm not even there and I can hear you shouting. You don't need to shout for people to hear you. You're amazing Donna. You really don't give yourself enough credit. So go on Donna Noble, impress the rest of the universe with your acid wit and your insane brilliance, show them that you don't need to shout because you're Donna Noble, the most important woman in creation, at least to me. So let the TARDIS die quietly, give her some flowers and let her have her rest on some random London street corner and go be fantastic because you are, you really are."_ The Doctor smiled and ran his hand through his hair.

" _So give your granddad my love, tell him to never stop watching the stars because they never stop being beautiful. Be patient with your mum because you know that she loves you, and she really does means well…I'm pretty sure. And you well just-just don't forget me because Donna Noble, you and me, we had the best of times and no matter where you go or what you do, you'll always have those good times. Goodbye Donna."_

* * *

**The Ponds**

" _Hello Ponds! Beautiful Ponds! Glorious Ponds! Loud, annoying Ponds! Honestly, why do you humans always shout?"_ The Doctor huffed. He waited a moment before continuing.

" _Right then, you're probably wondering what's going on, well that's easy. I'm dying, probably right now as you hear this message. Now hush, I'm still talking. This is my will so have the decency to listen."_ He paused and straightened his bowtie. " _If you're hearing this, Emergency Programme One has activated. The TARDIS is locked in on your coordinates and she'll take you home, safe and sound. You'll be just fine, the old girl's a bit eccentric but she knows when to make it count."_ He patted the console happily before looking down at his hands.

" _I know things between us have been a bit strained lately, I know I've done you wrong, more wrong than perhaps any other companion. I took your baby from you, my interference in your lives made Melody become River and I'm so sorry, Rory, Amy, but you'll never see Melody again. But River'll be sure to pop by, won't you dear? I know you're there, anything serious enough to cost me my life has to involve you."_ He chuckled lightly.

" _Oh River, River, River. You were a mystery right from the start and here we are now. I hope we had fun River, that the adventures we had maybe made the hell I put you through a little bit bearable. No, I suppose not, but I've got one last thing for you. I'm giving you the TARDIS."_ He stroked the console again with a happy expression. _"There is no one in the universe I'd trust my ship to more than you River. You take care of her, love her and she will love you in return. You're her child after all, how could she not love you as I do?"_ He blushed and pulled at his collar.

" _That's it I guess."_ He shrugged. _"Don't waste tears on me Ponds, I'm an old, old man, I've had the best of lives and I think I'm ready for a rest. You, on the other hand, have everything ahead of you. Brilliant lives on Earth, a loving, if strange, relationship with your daughter and a chance to begin life anew without the worry of some mad man showing up."_ He smiled warmly.

" _The fairytale is over Amelia, it's been over since you had four psychiatrists and you grew up. Maybe I should've stayed away for good, too late for that I suppose. But you've got a new life now, with Rory and River. It's time you put your imaginary friend to rest for good. Bye bye Ponds, live well and love each other because heavens know I did."_

* * *

**Clara**

_"Hello there Clara"_ The Doctor started quietly which was very out of turn with his normal character. " _How are things? The kids doing well? And Mr. Maitland? I do hope so, I hope they make you happy because that's where you're going."_ The Doctor suddenly seemed old, every motion in his body spoke of age and weariness. _"I'm-I'm sorry Clara but I'm afraid this is it. If you're hearing this message then Emergency Programme One has activated, I'm dying somewhere and so the TARDIS is taking you back home where you'll be safe. You can go back to being a governess er nanny with a wild curiosity streak. You're shouting aren't you? Well you can if you'd like but it won't do you much good. You're going back home and there's nothing you can do about it."_ His brow furrowed suddenly and turned away from the spot he suspected Clara to be.

 _"When you get to be my age all one has is the thirst for knowledge; when family and friends are nothing but dust, mysteries and adventures are the only thing to keep me going."_ He fidgeted awkwardly. _"I never did figure you out my impossible girl, perhaps that's for the best because sometimes I forgot that you weren't just a puzzle for me to solve."_ He rubbed at his arms and smiled warmly.

 _"You were good for me Clara. I know sometimes it seemed like I was looking right through you but you distracted me from all the things I had lost. I -I don't think I ever told you about the Ponds, my last companions, when they... left I was ruined. I just gave up and parked the TARDIS on a cloud with a chip on my shoulder and two broken hearts."_ He looked down and muttered almost to himself. _"Sometimes I wonder if that was a whole other lifetime."_

He shook off the thought and turned back to address his passenger. _"But that's not important, what is important is that you're here right now and I'm not going to let anything happen to you again. You've still got 101 places to see and you shouldn't waste it because of a silly old man. So stop your fussing, all I ask is that you maybe visit this old snog box as she shuts herself down. I know you don't think so but I believe she was finally warming up to you."_ He clapped his hands together and took a deep breath.

" _Alright this is it, time to let you go Clara. I finally saved you, it only took me two tries but here you are. Please don't question it, it's weird I know but just-just trust me Clara. Make the most of your life Clara and take care my impossible girl. I know you'll do amazing things. Here goes nothing, Geronimo."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a reference to the Parting of the Ways where the Doctor had a pre-recorded message for his companions in the event of his death. I imagine he does this for all his companions.


	25. A Poorer Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The world would be a poorer place without Doctor Who." ~ Steven Spielberg.

For a few hours after the universe had been rebooted, there was a reality in which the Doctor had never existed. Before he was brought back by the memories of an impossible bride, the Doctor was just a fairytale in a too cruel reality. Out there were swirling spirals of light, buried within the spinning sands of alien deserts, under the skies of hundred million new and unique worlds there were people crying out for someone to save them from tyranny and disaster.

And for a few short hours, not even a blip in eternity of time, there was no one there to answer them.

People often forget in those few hours the horrors that happened outside the Williams-Pond wedding on planet Earth. Those happy wedding goers didn't know that out there children were screaming as their worlds burned from a thousand different unchecked perils. While they laughed with friends, evil doers and villains that had at one time been vanquished now ran amuck with no one there to stop them. As Amy kissed her new husband for the first time the Last Great Time War was still raging across all of time and space taking more lives by the second. And all because a certain mad man was not there to do what had to be done and, had never been there at all.

For a few hours, the Doctor had never saved the universe, never left Gallifrey, had never even born at all. Had the universe continued much longer without it's Doctor perhaps the consequences would have been irreparable and the delicate balance of time would have most likely collapsed as a hundred thousand triumphs simply did not happen.

Luckily for the universe and all its inhabitants, Amelia Pond was successful in her bid to bring back the Doctor though she didn't do it all on her own. The collective universe gave her memories that extra push needed to pull the Time Lord from the _Never was_ and back into _the_ _Present_ bringing his entire time line with him.

There was a quick glitch, an unseen moment that echoed all across time and space as the universe reset back into its normal, Doctor filled pattern. It's was an interesting phenomena one many academics, had they known about the event, would have been excited to study. The man in question can't even describe the feeling of not existing one moment and existing the next. All he knew was that one moment he was in young Amelia Pond's bedroom, kissing her goodnight for what he thought would be the last time and then there was a terrible darkness. The next thing he knew, he was back on his TARDIS, in a suit of all things, wondering just what had happened.

Even his quick fire brain, which operated on levels a human couldn't even imagine, had a difficult time understanding just how he was able to come back. The answer was, of course, because he had. Because the universe had decided that a Doctor-less universe would be pretty rubbish and had given Amy Pond a moment of infinite power to drag the Time Lord back to his destiny. As the Doctor smiled and danced with the new Mr and Mrs Pond, the universe took a bit of a breather as time rearranged itself to suit the return. A billion people came back into existence, Gallifrey was placed back under the time lock where it could do no more harm and a few less children cried.

Yes, it would be a poorer world indeed without the Doctor there to run around, be mad and pretty sort of marvelous. And though the universe wasn't normally willing to make bargains, it would always have a soft spot for that impossible man who we couldn't live without.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> copying my note from FF that I wrote in response to 11's final episode.
> 
> Thought I'd post this based upon a quote by Steven Spielberg about Doctor Who. I've always liked the quote and thought about the time in which the Doctor didn't exist in The Big Bang. Whether it's Hartnell or Troughton, Smith or Capaldi, we will always need to the Doctor to point us in the right direction and inspire us to greatness.


	26. Saving the Doctor (4)

The Doctor really, really hated Sontarans. Gosh they were annoying little buggers and this invasion of Gallifrey was very ill timed. He'd been expecting a whole different group to be invading. Sontarans, they never made things easy. He had only just become Lord President; he hadn't even had a chance to put his feet up on the big, shiny desk. They were running to his office which he'd had the brilliant foresight to have fortified. Bloody Sontarans sure knew how to ruin a coronation day.

He grabbed Leela and tried to keep her out of danger. She was the only non-Time Lord here; if she was hurt there would be no glow of regeneration energy to save her. The Sontarans were gaining slowly on them; he just hoped they could get to the Presidential office before any more lives were lost in this ridiculous invasion. The Doctor spared a look over his shoulder. Why he wasn't really sure, there was too much debris and running feet about to risk taking his eyes off the path ahead. But still he did and fought down the chilling confusion at what he saw.

There were of course Sontarans there, firing weapons at them like there ought to be but there was someone else there. A man, he was just standing there impassively with a dark hateful expression on his face as if it had been building his whole life. The Doctor had never felt more afraid of anything in his life. He almost stopped in his tracks looking at the man as he raised a weapon aimed right at the Doctor. Oh-

"Doctor!" There came a shout, and heard a gasp as a brown haired young Time Lady fell to the ground as the blast meant for him burned into her skin. The Doctor pulled from the group to grab the girl and drag her off to the side. It didn't matter that the Sontarans were about to come down on them, this was more important. He brushed her hair out of her eyes and he wondered with mounting panic why she wasn't regenerating.

"Hello there, that wasn't a good idea, now was it love?" He said with a strained, unpleasant smile. The girl choked through a pain filled smile and laughed. They were getting closer now, with a grunt; the Doctor picked the girl up and began making his way towards his new, _safe_ office. He could force her to regenerate once they were away from potatoes and their guns. Oh how he hated them separately and they were just a disaster together.

"Now you stay with me, we're going to get you all better. You'll not die on me this day." The girl smiled into his jacket. What was she doing, she was _dying_ for Rassilon's sake, what could she possibly be smiling about?

"It's okay my Lord President," she whispered, clinging onto his coat. "I would do again for you, for all the Doctor's at every point in time and space without thanks. But the fact that you saw me and acknowledged me made it so much better. Thank you for that Doctor." The Doctor growled.

"No stay with me! If you die on me I'll-I'll exile you! I will, don't put it past me!" The girl chuckled lightly into his jacket and the Doctor knew she was fading fast. He risked another glance over his shoulder where the Sontarans were gaining on them. His brow furrowed, wait, where did the man go? The one had who had shot at him and hit…

The Doctor paused and looked into his empty arms. Hadn't he been carrying a wounded Time Lady? He shook his head, no wait what?

"Doctor hurry up!" Leela shouted nearing the office. The Doctor jumped, realizing just how far he had fallen behind in the group. He left the scene of the battle, the one the Sontarans waged against Gallifrey and the one the Great Intelligence fought against him. He left his champion, once again victorious in her never-ending war to save his hide one more time. Clara smiled as she banished the bodiless menace from that point in time forevermore. She didn't do what she did for praise or recognition.

But it certainly didn't hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> moment take from the fourth doctor story The Invasion of Time


	27. The Secret Life of Doctor Who

The Doctor sighed quietly to himself as he sat down at the ornate Presidential desk and rubbed his worn fingers along the elegant patterns. There was much to be done today on Gallifrey and the Lord President need not slack off. He frowned looking at the stack of papers on his desk and groaned again.

He wearily rubbed at his forehead and wondered how he had ended up here. Where had his dreams of adventure gone off to? All the wonderful places he had planned on seeing? He was countless centuries old and he was still in his first body having never once left his home planet. Since he was alone in his office he allowed himself the small indiscretion of putting his elbows on his desk and resting his wearied head in his hands.

He was just so tired of this. He thought staying on Gallifrey and helping to change its stoic ways would be good. He wanted to make a difference and ensure that his planet was not lost beneath its insufferable bureaucracy. But two hundred years into his term as President and he was realizing that his efforts were mostly in vain. The council overturned every proposition of his that was in any way different and he was nothing more than a glorified pencil pusher.

Closing his eyes, the Doctor imagined, just for a moment, what his life could have been. He'd almost stolen a TARDIS once a long, long time ago and sometimes he liked to daydream of the adventures they could have had throughout time and space…  
  


" _So Atraxi III, have you heard of it?" The Doctor asked his latest companion, a young human girl named Clara Oswald who was an impossible mystery he was determined to solve. He looked at her through the corner of his eye hoping that she would reveal her purpose but she was too busy tying up her hair._

"' _fraid not, should I have?" She questioned, taking the toast out of her mouth once her hair was done up and began munching on it. The Doctor groaned a little and gently tapped her away from the console. The old girl still wasn't over the fact that Rory got crumbs stuck in the console 350 years ago. Oh dear Rory…_

" _Well yes actually, remember in oh what was it? 2010 when a giant eye appeared on the telly telling people to hand over Prisoner Zero or else they were going to incinerate the planet? They put up a force field that made the sun look all… wibbly. Ringing any bells?" Clara quirked an eyebrow._

" _Yeah but that wasn't aliens, that was the government trying to get people all whipped up, trying to get them to believe all that Torchwood nonsense." The Doctor snorted._

" _So Torchwood's still mucking things up, lovely," he muttered to himself before addressing his companion. "Right, that's wrong. Who told you that?" He asked dryly watching Clara wince._

" _My dad… But it wasn't aliens, it was just, I don't know stuff!" She said stuffing the last bit of toast in her mouth and wandering back over to the console. He stuck out his lip and puffed out his chest._

" _Stuff? Stuff! I'll have you know I was right there in the thick of it! I'd only just regenerated into this body and the Earth was about to be roasted! Took me awhile to get my head on straight. I don't where I would have been if not for Amel-" he paused mid-sentence at the ease at which he'd almost let her name pass._

_He hadn't spoken her name aloud in decades, not since the last time Vastra, Jenny and Strax tried an 'intervention' on him back when he was still on his cloud in Victorian London. He swallowed and wandered over to the other side of the console if only so Clara couldn't see him. Was he really getting over the loss of the boy and girl who waited? Did he even want that?_ _He looked up to see Clara eyeing him with a worried expression as she gently wandered over next to him, knocking into him gently._

" _Hey, you alright? You just suddenly stopped talking and I almost never hear you stop talking. I'm practically convinced you don't breathe by the amount that you talk."_ _The feeling of sadness had passed him as he reached up and indignantly straightened his bowtie._

" _Oh of course I breathe! I'm breathing right now you silly ape." He said demonstrating by blowing right in her face which caused to yelp and take a step back. "Honestly, I'm trying to tell you about the Atraxi invasion of Earth and you're going on about_ breathing _. I've never met such a distractible species as humanity. Maybe I won't take you Atraxi III then, perhaps I'll land us on Caliberibreus VII, the parking garage planet."  
_

" _Oh calm down you, you're more temperamental than Angie on picture day you are. Take me to Atraxus III or wherever we're going just stop your pouting already. You promised me 101 places to see and thus far I haven't seen much more than your crabby ship." The Doctor smirked and began plugging in his coordinates with dizzying speed._

_Oh his Impossible girl, the only mystery worth solving and a good distraction from his post-Ponds depression. But she was more than that, so, so much more. She was funny and witty, adventurous and caring and she had helped him. He tried to tell himself that this was temporary, that he wasn't ready to move on after the anguish of losing Amy and Rory… but watching her grab onto the railing as the ship shook he thinks he just might reconsider. He grinned._

" _Geroni-"_  
  


"My Lord President?" The Doctor snapped to attention inadvertently scattering some of the papers on his desk. His secretary gave him a withering look before depositing another hefty stack onto his desk.

"You've been in here nearly an hour Sir, you really must get started on this. The high council is convening soon and they want your opinion on the latest news from the Outsiders. Please cease your daydreaming and get some actual work done if you don't mind." With that she left the room, not quite slamming the door but pretty close. Hmm what a horrid woman, but a practical one.

He looked down with misery at the stack of papers which was now twice as large, he really ought to get started. Who knew what awful ruling the council would make without him there to be their moral compass? He'd just have to finish the adventures of the Doctor and Clara sometime later.

He was quite liking this story so far; he liked the mystery that Clara posed. In some ways he wished he'd kept his favorite characters, the Ponds, around for a little while longer but even he had started to grow bored with their storyline now that that they had become family. He thought up these ideas to _escape_ and River, Amy and Rory had been threatening to tie the magical Doctor down.

He still wasn't sure what he would do with her yet, he was thinking of making her a physical representation of Time itself there to pull the Doctor from his stupor, or to have her scattered in time as a way to save his life from some… yet unthought-of peril. Maybe he should bring back an older villain, from one of his earlier daydreams. He pushed the thought aside for the moment and began to read the document in front of him. His dreams were all he had now, the dreams of the could-have-been adventures.

He smiled a little to himself as he signed the paper, still somewhat caught in the glow of his imaginary world. By the time his secretary came to collect him, it was long gone along with his hopes for a better and more fulfilling life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the obligatory 'what if the doctor never left gallifrey and is a bored office worker having vivid daydreams of adventures'


	28. Dear Old Dad

Jenny, the sort-of, kind-of daughter of the Doctor got a little bit more than two hearts when she was born from his hijacked DNA. She also got his love of running. She let something between a squeal and gasp slip through her teeth as she looked over her shoulder at the angry natives running after her. She thought they'd be grateful for stopping their supposed God, which actually turned out to be a parasitic glowworm, from killing their children. Oh well, she got to do the running thing again and anytime she did that she felt closer to her father.

She quietly ducked behind a tree letting some of her breath come back as the natives ran past her. Okay so her ship- well the ship she was _borrowing_ \- was on the other side of the forest, if she could just get there, she'd be fine. She closed her eyes and tried to pinpoint which direction she needed to go in when she felt a hand grab at hers. Without thinking, she swung her fist at the creep but he ducked it and instead started pulling her away from the trees with a panicked expression.

"I'm so sorry Miss but you'll be thanking me in a minute. There's a giant worm making it's way over here and you'd have been eaten if we hadn't moved." She blinked and turned her head to see a giant worm devouring everything in sight not far behind them. How had she missed that?

"But that's not possible! I destroyed that thing less than an hour ago over in the mountains, I was just heading back to my ship." The mystery man raised an eyebrow in a mixture of anger and fascination. Now where has she seen that expression before?

"That was you?" He moaned, "while I applaud your skills in taking down a Zagreus Mollworm all by yourself; you should know that they never live alone and that they are very protective of their mates." Oh, opps. "Well never mind that, what done is done. We'll stop the other one and with me here, there's nothing to worry about. You can help too if you'd like."

"Wait, who do you think you are that you can boss me 'round like that?" She asked tugging her hand out of his. The man grinned.

"I'm the Do- oh no wait Zetaba galaxy, I'm still under a death sentence here- uh I'm John Smith, and you?"

"Jenny." she huffed, turning to look at the worm again. "So any ideas."

"A few, and by that I mean 3 simple plans and 9 crazy probably-won't-work ones, I'm thinking plan 5 just because it's been awhile since I used that one. Come along, much to be done!" Jenny found herself grinning and running after the funny man in the silly clothes. I mean who in their right mind wore a stick of celery on a cricket outfit?

**XXXXX**

And they were pretty marvelous together, it would be long and probably a little over your heads to try and explain how the angry female worm was stopped but let's just say it was brilliant. Crazy or not, Jenny was impressed with this man to come up with such a daring, and pretty barmy, plan. Where he got that giant slingshot and a bowling ball still amazed Jenny.

She grinned up at him and he smirked down at her and soon he had his arm around her shoulders. And Jenny let it stay there because it felt so right, she even leaned into the embrace. She couldn't but wonder if her own father would proud to see her now. Maybe he'd even put him arm around her like Mr. Smith was now. She likes to think he would.

"I must say Miss Jenny you're quite resourceful, I'm amazed at how you got the villagers to lay down their weapons. What was it you said again, _'the girl who never would?'_ I like that, I'll be sure to use that someday." Jenny beamed at the praise, it had been so terribly long since she'd been hugged like this, she hadn't realized until now how much she'd missed it.

"Well I'm afraid I can't take all the credit, it was something my dad told me a long time ago. I hope when I find him again I can tell him that I put his wise words to good use." She said wistfully, watching as the sun slowly set. It was a big universe out there but Jenny would tear it to piece to find her father again. Mr. Smith smiled sagely.

"Your father sounds like a good man, he's lucky to have a daughter like you. Though I must say I'm a bit disappointed. I was going to ask you to join me, to travel with me throughout time and space but I understand that this is something you need to do." He paused in front of a big blue box which began to make strange humming noises, the man frowned in confusion. "That's odd… What's wrong old girl?"

Jenny smiled and stepped away from the Mr. Smith, extending her hand which he took and shook vigorously. "Never forget my dear that you are brilliant and I hope that someday in my wanderings I happen across you again, though I do have a tendency to change faces every now and again so it might get a bit confusing." She chuckled as he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed her knuckles gently with such a warm kindness. "Tell your father when you find him again that he was a fool to lose you and some other lucky Time Lord just may up adopting you before long." She beamed again, she seemed to be doing that a lot around him.

"I'll see you later, Mr. Smith, and be careful, I won't always be there to push you out of the way of a gun do you hear?" He grinned and stepped inside his way too small spaceship and she took a few steps back as it fizzled from view. Weird, but very much him. She briefly wondered where she'd have sat in that tiny box had she agreed to go with him. Oh well it wasn't all that important. She shrugged and started walking back in the direction of her ship when she spun around with a stunned expression at the spot the blue box had vanished.

"Wait a minute did he say Time Lord?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jenny, the Doctor's Daughter from that 10th DW ep meeting 5 aka Peter Davison aka the actress', Georgia Moffat's, father. Who later went on to marry David Tennant who played 10. Good times.


	29. Bitter Fruits

Why was it that all the man who once was the Doctor ever seemed to do these days was run? He usually didn't mind, running for your life brought a strange clarity to things, plus it was good for the hearts. But running from Daleks, while his home planet burned around him with his loved ones dead and dying was not good at all. The Doctor grit his teeth and ducked behind a corner, slouching down so that his pursuers couldn't see him. Rassilon this body was starting to get old if he was already so tired out. He bit down on his hand in an attempt to quiet his breathing and hoped the drumming of his hearts couldn't be heard by those metal atrocities.

It seemed lady luck smiled at him one more time as they continued onwards, their horrid screeching voices drilling holes in his skull. He buried his head in his hands, taking this one moment of peace. How had things gotten so bad? How had the Daleks managed to break past the Sky Trenches? Unless they were let in… He hissed and slammed his fist against the ground. No, he couldn't think that way. If he ever got to the point where he believed the Time Lords would purposely open their planet to invaders then there was no hope. He might as well blow up the whole planet if he went that far.

"Hel-help me…" he shuddered at the pitiful sound and, against his better judgment, let his long suffering humanity drag his wearied body over toward the voice.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor, or well I used to be." he paused, if he was going to stop going by the Doctor he really needed a new name for himself. Jeff perhaps? "Are you hurt? Can I help you?" He began rummaging through the rubble looking for the hapless Time Lord. He didn't even know if he could do anything and the Daleks weren't far… But he couldn't just leave them there to die alone, he'd be as bad as the enemy. He sighed with relief when he came across the broken, wounded figure beneath the stones. Their injuries didn't look too bad, maybe if he could help along a regeneration, they could get out of here.

"D-D-Doc-tor." The voice whispered harshly. "You-you came back." The man who was not the Doctor squinted and then he took in the robes the person was wearing and everything else became background noise.

"Inquisitor." He replied, his throat suddenly as dry as sandpaper as he forced the words out. The Inquisitor smiled up at him, her mouth dirtied with blood and grime but he knew better. The white noise in his ears raised in volume as his hands clenched into fists. That horrid woman's mouth was normally filled with lies and cruel statements. The things this woman had done to him had scarred and almost broken him. And now here she was at his mercy, funny world this was. Gallifrey only had to burn to make this happen. She reached out for him with her one good hand.

"Thank Rassilon. I knew-I knew you'd come. You always come and save the helpless don't you, Doctor? Help me now, get me free and you will be rewarded." The ire in his hearts flamed and his fists shook in barely controlled rage. He'd never known how much he'd lusted for this moment until right now.

"Rewarded huh?" He spat and the Inquisitor's hand fell to the ground. "Alright then, return Jamie and Zoe to me, give them back their memories of our travels. Give me back the years you stole from me by throwing me to the Earth with a scrambled brain and a broken TARDIS." He couldn't contain his rage much more and he knelt down to ground getting as close as he dared to so that she could see what she and her apathy had done to him.

"Give me back the peace of mind you stole from me by sending me on missions no one else dared to go on! Give me back the freedom and luxury you only let me have when it was convenient for you!" He realized through the white noise that pervaded his vision that he was screaming and he probably shouldn't be but that didn't matter. All that mattered was right here and right now and making her understand that they had made him into what he was and now they had to deal with it.

"Give me back Perpugilliam Brown! Do you remember her? The girl you killed so that you could manipulate me into becoming the Valeyard?" He reached down and grabbed a fistful of her robes. "You killed her, let her mind be destroyed and her body stolen by a parasite and all for the sake of a game! She was just a girl; she was studying Botany in America. She was-she was my friend." He was crying now, mostly because he couldn't stop. These people, his own people had stolen so much from him, things he knew he could never get back. While the tears still came, he took a deep breath and let his calm return. He could hear the Daleks not far away and they were coming.

"P-p-please Doctor I'm-I'm sorry. We only did what we thought was best. We were just trying to make you better, purge you of your feelings for lower races. We wanted to make you one of us again." The man who had stopped being the Doctor sneered, oh is that what they wanted? Well in a way they accomplished it. His travels had brought him so much grief and the war had stripped him of everything else good inside of him. Now he was hollowed out, bare and uncaring like a good Time Lord ought to be. Why not show her the product of all her labor and let her see what bitter fruit has sprouted.

He looked at her one last time and wished her all the agony in the world before he turned his back on her and walked away. He could now because he was not the Doctor, he was the man with no name, the man who was going to put a stop to this war once and for all.

"N-no! No you can't just leave me here Doctor! Doctor! You must help me!"

The Time Lord didn't even dignify her with a response. He didn't leave her with a witty comment, or some moral quip. He didn't even look back at her; acknowledge her existence for the last few moments it was there. He just walked away leaving her tortured cries and a little bit of his soul there. It's a little known fact while the Doctor had relinquished his title on Karn post-regeneration, it was this moment in which he really was no longer the Doctor.

 _No more,_ he declared. No more violence, no more twisted Time Lord manipulation, no more Dalek extermination. This war, it had to end. And a Doctor couldn't end this war, no a Doctor was supposed to save lives, to heal people. What bitter fruits had grown from the cruelty of war and a lifetime of sorrow. Well he could see now, see what needed to happen. This planet and these people were beyond salvation. He would stop this, save the universe from the scum which inhabited it. He would take this whole mess right out of time itself. All he needed was a Moment. No more and Gallifrey Falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man I love Hurt's version of the Doctor


	30. Saving the Doctor (7)

The Doctor will sometimes pause midway through an adventure and wonder how on Gallifrey he'd gotten where he did. This is one of those moments where he stops and realizes that he's hunting for dragons in the catacombs of an ice planet with a redheaded computer programmer, a temperamental waitress and a intergalactic crook. Good grief this seventh body had a knack for getting into sticky situations.

He was alone now, the criminal Glitz had gone off to find his ship and Mel and Ace were… who knows where, probably causing trouble. He took this blessed solitude to think on the young girl, this Ace, and what he would do with her. From the moment he saw her he felt the touch of the trickster Fenric on her. It had been awhile since the scoundrel had been active and it looked like he wanted to continue their old chess match which the Doctor was happy to do... except he didn't want to drag others into this.

He already felt guilty; Ace had been stolen from Earth, from her home, and placed on this miserable planet to please an ancient evil. It bothered the Doctor that an innocent girl had been dragged into this but there was no choice now. Ace would have to come with himself and Mel once this whole dragon hunt was over. Fenric would have no use for her if the Doctor ignored her and, well, Ace would probably meet an untimely end. The Doctor was no angel himself, but he would never knowingly sacrifice another. That's why he became the Doctor in the first place, the one promise he would never break.

He looked around the ice cavern and was surprised to see Ace standing far below him. He squinted, he was pretty sure it was Ace anyway, the hair was dark brown and the jacket looked about the same… but what was she doing way down there? She looked up at him.

"Doctor!" Maybe Fenric was making his first move, putting the girl in danger to see what he would do. He frowned as he looked over the rails unhappily. It was a long way down and he hated playing to Fenric's drum beat but if that girl was in trouble then by gum he would help her. He wanted to reassure her, let her know that he was coming but with Fenric watching he didn't want to seem _too_ compassionate.

So with more than a little reluctance he climbed over the icy rail, hooking his umbrella on the side and let himself slide down until only his fingertips kept him aloft. He swallowed roughly, and risked a look down, he was _awfully_ high up. He'd only just gotten this body and he wasn't anxious to see what the Eighth Doctor would look like so soon.

Alright, maybe this wasn't his brightest idea ever.

He shimmied over and reached for his umbrella casting a quick look down at Ace who was looking up at him with fear. Whether it was for his or her safety he couldn't quite tell. Grabbing the umbrella had been a mistake, a rather big mistake actually. The slick material slid in his hands and he found himself slipping further down the umbrella as a long, painful fall came closer and closer. This was really, properly bad.

He had to warn Ace, tell her to get out of the way, to run and get help. He risked a look at the ground and was horrified to see that no one was there. He looked round. She was gone, nowhere to be seen. Her dark hair and jacket would have certainly stood out against the stark white ice. He groaned to himself. Right, she'd never really been there had she? He'd been so eager to play the hero to the young girl that he'd fallen right into a trap. Oh Fenric was probably laughing himself silly right about now.

He looked up worriedly, great, now how would he get up from here? This was quite a cucumber he'd found himself in. He heard a curious banging across from him and looked up to see Ace across the chamber banging away at one of the glass windows. He didn't have time to worry about that, it was probably just another of Fenric's ploys and he wouldn't fall for the same trick twice.

**XXXXXXX**

Clara grimaced as she banged on the glass trying to fix the mess she had unwittingly caused. Just because she was scattered across his timeline didn't mean she knew what she was doing. Give a girl a break. She'd been trying to warn the Doctor about Kane's scheme for the dragon and also about Ace's involvement with Fenric.

While the Doctor didn't always remember her, she could usually influence him a little, give him hints to help him along. Sadly, this time it seems he'd noticed her and had mistakenly assumed that she was in danger. She bit her lip, watching the Doctor slip further down the umbrella. She knew this body didn't die here, he died in San Francisco on an operating table but time could be rewritten. She breathed a little sigh of relief as that creepy Glitz guy came back and helped the Doctor up. There hadn't been much she could do and it looks like today she wasn't the girl who saved the Doctor but the girl who taught him a lesson.

She stepped away from the glass and let the Time Winds take her away. This incident would be a bit of a wakeup call for the Doctor. Bad things happened when you didn't think things through; danger could happen at any point if you weren't careful. The Doctor would be much more restrained around Ace, keeping his cards a little closer to the chest lest his Ace turns out to be another fiction devised by Fenric. She had, in fact, helped the Doctor to become the mysterious man she knew him to be. Opps.

Clara wasn't sure if she'd done right or wrong, if she'd been followed time's natural course or if she'd altered it somehow. There wasn't anything she could do now but go to another point in his history and save the Doctor once again. Properly this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7th doctor segment from Dragonfire (Ace's introduction) and this scene is notorious for 7 being absolutely ridiculous and purposefully going down a cliff to uh dangle precariously for seemingly no reason.... until now.


	31. Indulgent

"Grandfather, what are you reading?" The Doctor looked up from his book to see his dear Granddaughter leaning on his knee trying to catch a glimpse at his book. He smiled, what a curious and precocious girl she was, her mother was certainly going to have her hands full with her. He set the book aside and leaned down to gently pull the tiny girl into his lap and let her snuggle close against him while he picked up the book again. Sometimes he couldn't believe how big she was getting, almost forty years old, it seemed like she'd just been loomed yesterday.

"Oh nothing tremendously exciting, just catching up on some time capsule mechanics. After all, one never knows when one might need to fly one." He hummed turning the page slowly so Arkytior could look at the large circular script. Her Gallifreyan lessons were going well but it was a detailed and intricate language and it would be a while yet before she understood all of the subtle nuances.

"Grandfather," she reached out a hand to stop him from turning the page going back until it showed an exterior shot of a time capsule without the chameleon circuit activated. He wrinkled his nose a little at the title. He'd gone through the Academy calling them time or TT capsules but a new sect decided to call them TARDIS's which, in his humble opinion, was just a bit too colloquial for such a sophisticated machine.

"What does that say Grandfather, I can read the Time part but the other words are too complicated." He patted her head and put his weathered fingers on the symbols so she could follow along as he spoke.

"This, Arkytior, says _Time and Relative Dimension in Space_ ; it's a newfangled term used to describe the time capsules used by Time Lords for time and space travel." She brought up her hand to trace the symbols along with him and he smiled and shifted the book so she had a better view. His precious Granddaughter, was there anything he wouldn't do for her?

"Do people really call them that?" She asked looking up with wide, curious eyes. He nodded his head in weary acceptance as he ran his hand through her hair.

"Yes sadly, I've told them it's an atrocious name for a time machine. It's complex scientific instrument and thus should not have such a childish title." He huffed as he closed the book with a bit of a thunk. Really, Gallifrey needed change but not in this manner. Now the high council was spending their days arguing over the name of a machine rather than how to govern their own people. It aggravated him immensely.

"I agree Grandfather, it's quite a mouthful, why is it so long?" He blinked before chuckling warmly. Oh dear he'd gone and confused her, well he'd best set her straight. "They should shorten it, like, well _T_ , _R_ and there's an _A_ there too… A _D_ and an _S_ and an _I_." She brightened up and stood up on the chair.

"A _TARDIS!_ That's what they should call it! Oh that's a great idea isn't it, Grandfather? And I came up with the name all on my own, I don't care what all the other students say, I'm just as clever as they are!" Arkytior suddenly jumped off the couch and ran out of the room leaving the Doctor speechless.

Oh dear, what had he done now? Well he had to break it to her eventually, let her know that the TARDIS acronym already existed and she really didn't discover anything new. Of course he had to, couldn't let the poor girl think she knew better than the whole planet… Oh but how happy she had looked. He grimaced, until he'd had children and grandchildren the Doctor would have never thought himself soft but now... Was he actually contemplating lying to his only granddaughter to make her happy?

Oh yes he certainly was.

And that how the TARDIS became a bit of a running joke between himself and Arkytior. He'd quietly told her that while her discovery was very important, she'd best keep it between the two of them until they could find a way to spread it. She'd agreed wholeheartedly and he sighed with relief; this way she'd still get the delighted thrill without unduly embarrassing herself. It would be their little secret. So she used it sparingly at first and only when they were alone to which he would smile and nod at his enthusiastic girl. She'd grow out of it eventually, he told himself as she drew pictures of her TARDIS's while at his home, all dreams eventually had to be let go after all.

But it was funny how long the joke lasted, decades even, well past the point in which Arkytior would have learned the truth. But even so he still occasionally asked her if she'd named anything else recently. Though, the Doctor will admit, he did rather like the name she gave to his latest sonic device. He examined it with a wry smirk before tucking it into his pocket; it did rather look like a screwdriver didn't it?

So even he started calling the time capsule a TARDIS, but he only did it because the council had decreed that the change should be made. But he did rather like the smile she gave when he said it, a small little smile which he returned, a smile that said that they had a secret. They'd been asked about it, what the furtive looks and surreptitious smiles where all about whenever a TARDIS came up and the two of them would always brush it off. _An old joke_ , they'd say, _nothing important_. Except that it was.

It became the thing that bound them together, what reminded him of her whenever she was away at the Academy or what gave her strength when the times were tough. It was a reminder, when under the cover of night they stole a time capsule and ran away, that everything would turn out fine.

"It's alright my dear," he assured as she was seconds away from tears as they left their home planet for the first time. "It's your TARDIS remember? They'll let us back when your patent goes through." And she'd laughed at that, a sobbing, strangled laugh but it was a start. They'd joked about it many more times as they travelled about as a way to keep their spirits up when they both got a little too homesick.

And then those bloody Earth schoolteachers busted into his TARDIS as they tried to uncover the mystery behind Susan's behavior. Staring at them wide-eyed, he tried not to show how terrified he was. The ship wasn't quite repaired yet, he wasn't sure he could properly fly it in it's current condition and now they were discovered. Who knew what the humans would do to them? The thought of his dear little girl strapped down to an operating table was enough to bring up his ire.

"TARDIS? I don't understand you, Susan."

"Well, I made up the name TARDIS from the initials: Time And Relative Dimension In Space. I had thought you'd both understand when you saw the different dimensions inside from those outside." And at that he smiled just a tiny bit. Look at his Granddaughter, staying brave and falling back on that special bond the two of them shared over a silly name for a daft old ship.

Well he wouldn't let her down, he didn't care if the chameleon circuit never worked right again, he was getting his Granddaughter out of danger right this instant. He swore on the only thing that mattered, he swore on the ridiculous TARDIS spelling that his granddaughter loved. So ignoring her protests he took the humans away from the Earth where they could tell no one else about them and Susan would be safe.

So it soon became the TARDIS whether he wanted it to be or not. Everyone called it that and he found that he had stopped referring to it as a TT capsule long ago. Even when Susan left him to stay on Earth with David, the TARDIS nickname remained in place. It made him sad sometimes, to hear the humans he kept say it with the same love and enthusiasm that she did all those years ago, but it kept her close to his hearts. As long as someone had that silly name on their lips, Susan would always be with him.

All across time and space he went, he fought Daleks and Sontarans and Time Lords and even when he was the last of them, he always had his trusty TARDIS, and with that, his Granddaughter would always be by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a joking and loving attempt to clear up a plot hole. Susan in An Unearthly Child (the first ep ever) claimed to have made up the term TARDIS but then every Time Lord from there on referred to it as such. So who's right? Everyone bc DW canon is wibbly and not real.


	32. Getting a Lift

The TARDIS was terribly excited; she was practically quaking with anticipation. In all her long, long, _long_ years of life she had never been privy to such a unique and pleasurable opportunity. Oh she'd better calm herself down; she thinks she was scaring the little humans who were going to take her away!

Oh yes, after so long of carrying bullish Time Lords, nosey humans and her precious thief finally she herself would be given a ride on a 20th century Earth airplane, a primitive mode of transportation but it was a ride none the less. Alone to herself inside the blue box, she sparkled with delight.

Oh was she glad she stole _this_ Time Lord, wait until her sisters heard all about this! Oh look they're putting her on some sort of lifting device to be transported onto this ship. Oh how enjoyable! No wonder those little humans the Doctor collected liked to fly in her so much, it was simply lovely to take a rest for a change. she sat back and enjoyed the feeling of being carried around. This is why she wanted to leave Gallifrey, an quirky type 40 would never get this kind of treatment on that stuffy old planet .

Oh now they're loading her onto this airplane. She observed it haughtily with traces of amusement. It was very cumbersome being so needlessly big on the outside and she heard that it could only travel in space and at an atrociously slow rate at that, no wonder the humans were so keen to invent time travel.

"What is this dusty old thing doing on a Concord? I can't believe they even found this, I thought they scraped them all years ago. The Captain must be mad to drag this hunk of junk on a rescue mission as important as this." One engineer commented as she was roughly placed inside the storage compartment of the plane. She whined a little, what did he mean by that?

"Maybe they'll use the phone box to call for help when they find Victor-Foxtrot." The other chortled and the TARDIS suddenly felt ashamed of her curious exterior for the first time in centuries. As the two humans walked away laughing, leaving her face down in the cold dark space, the TARDIS realized this wasn't as fun as she'd thought it would be.

She lay there for a while longer, she never really bothered to wonder how long, indulging in a little self-pity. Oh they were right! Her chameleon circuit was beyond repair and she would be stuck in this silly shape until the end of time. Oh the humiliation to have tiny, foolish bipeds mocking her, and why not? Why not tease an old broken TARDIS while she's down? Who would ever want her? She moaned as the door to the storage compartment opened and she cuddled deeper inside of herself to avoid any more pain. Why couldn't they just leave her alone with her silly box hidden out of sight?

"Hey there old girl," her Doctor's soothing tones said, running his hands down her panel. "What's bothering you, my dear, are you unhappy in the airplane? I know It's a bit cramped for me as well but we'll reach the time distortion soon enough." He said, patting her like she was important and beautiful. She whined again and the Doctor frowned and knelt beside her.

"What happened? Was anyone being mean to you? I was just talking to the crew and they made a few comments as well… it's why I came to check on you…" He stroked her soothingly and despite her efforts she found herself calmed. Her thief always had that effect on her no matter the face he wore. She couldn't wait to tell him in his future during the time when they talked.

"Now you listen here, do you remember the first words I ever said to you?" she hummed happily in affirmation. "Well that still holds true, you will always be the most beautiful thing I've ever known. Your shape isn't important; it's your heart that I love. These humans can't see what's in front of them, they're so small minded, bless them." He patted her lovingly again.

"All the humans I take love you too, they jump at the sight of your brilliant blue shell and they always will. You, my dear, are magnificent and if a few walking apes can't see that then they're not worth our time. Besides-" he gently licked his thumb and scrubbed off a small smudge on her side. "I've grown rather fond of the Police Box shape, it's very homey and it lets people know that help has come."

The TARDIS hummed thoughtfully, her thief was too kind to her, no one would ever… Oh but how the Doctor's grandchild had loved this old design, and she'd rather enjoyed the protectiveness of the kilted human boy, and the reporter one had always been so kind to her. Even the Doctor's latest humans, the Trakenite Princess and the loud, nagging human talked of her like she was special. She trilled with happiness and the Doctor smiled, patting her lightly.

"That's the spirit old girl; now then, here comes trouble if I'm not mistaken." He stood up just in time for aforementioned companions to wander in and begin firing off questions which the ship ignored for the moment. Yes, yes her Doctor was right. She was a Time Lord's space and time capsule and not just any Time Lord but the Doctor, she didn't need the opinions of some ignorant humans to bring her down.

Besides, no matter what anyone said, the Police Box design was quite… sexy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a scene in Five's Time Flight where we see the TARDIS go on a plane and I thought 'good for her, she gets to go for a ride'. The next scene is the pilot making fun of her and the Doc runs off to see his ship. Can you say OTP?


	33. Saving the Doctor (10)

Professor River Song knew that this day was coming, knew it from the moment she met that impossible man in Berlin who knew just everything about her. After all, if it began for her there then where did it begin for him? Right here apparently, trapped in a silent library filed with carnivorous shadows. She almost wanted to smirk, could it really have been anything else?

She smiled lightly to think of that skinny slip of a man who would one day turn into her husband, her Doctor. She was almost sad in a way, to know that this man had to die in order for her to get her Sweetie. But she didn't care right now, all she wanted was _her_ Doctor here because she knew that she probably would never see him again.

She gripped her hands to herself as she tried to hold back the fear that was beginning to overwhelm her. The last few times she'd seen her Doctor, her sweet baby-faced Doctor with his bowtie and floppy hair; he looked sadder and sadder when he saw her, like he knew something was coming. Like he knew that their time together was slowly but steadily winding down. And this would be it, wouldn't it? Half the crew was already dead; one more death wouldn't be all that staggering, especially since the Doctor was... well, not her Doctor and he trusted her about as far he could throw her.

He was downstairs with Anita trying to work through CAL's systems while Lux was off doing something stupid probably. It didn't matter what though, he was gone and she had this much needed moment to compose herself. She needed a little time to prepare for her upcoming death.

Because that would explain, well, everything. No wonder he was so reluctant to let them begin when he must have known it would end in a forest of the dead. God what a mess they were. She leaned heavily over the computer she was working at, why did she even put up with this? With death soon upon her, could she honestly say it was all worth it? Loving a man who kept her at arm's length? Losing her parents time and time again? Maybe she ought to tell him to hate her, to never speak to her and just leave her alone and re-write this whole mess that was their life. Anything, any possible existence was better than the heartache she was feeling right now.

The screen in front of her flickered ominously before switching to a picture of a pretty young girl in her early twenties or so in what looked to be a red dress. She smiled at River. "Hello Professor Song" the girl said causing River to blink in surprise, she looked around her and saw that she was indeed alone. She leaned in closer to the screen.

"How are you doing that? All external communications to the library were cut off a hundred years ago, you can't possibly exist!" The girl smirked again in a way that seemed eerily familiar.

"Yep, that's me, the Impossible Girl. Now we don't have long so I must be quick. My name is, was, will be Clara Oswald and I am a friend of the Doctor or I guess I will be in the future." The girl's eyes grew sad and River knew what she would say before she said it.

"And you know what's going to happen here? You've travelled with the Doctor after-after..." River couldn't even bring herself to say it. What an adventurer she turned out to be, quivering like a little girl in the face of death. No wonder the Doctor in the future took so long to trust her; all he could see was her cowardice from this their first meeting.

"No Professor Song I'm afraid you've got it all wrong," Clara interrupted with glassy eyes. "I've seen your whole relationship, from start to finish, every wibbly wobbly moment of it and I can assure you that the Doctor didn't run from you because he was ashamed. No, he did it because he loved you so much that he wanted to stop this." Clara paused to wipe at her eyes. "He loves you Professor, more than he'd ever care to admit and he ran because he thought he could save you. He thought if he could stop you from loving him then you'd never find yourself in a situation where you'd choose his life over your own." Clara paused.

"But you can't re-write love, not one line, it's stronger than any fixed point and even death can't sever it completely. And this is where it starts; this is where he falls in love with you Melody Pond. You were always heading here; it was unavoidable for the both of you because love like this doesn't end, not always."

River held her hand to her mouth as the girl spoke and she found herself feeling just a little braver and a little more like the River Song the Doctor was supposed to have married. Taking a steeling breath, she fought down the fear that had initially caused her to doubt the one good thing in her life.

"Thank you, I really needed to hear that," she chuckled slightly. "I suppose I have him to thank for this little call, the Doctor from the future. I wish he'd be courageous enough to say goodbye himself though." Clara smiled and River noted that the quality of the picture was fading.

"Actually, the Doctor tried to stop me, this is all your doing Professor. Don't worry, it'll make sense in time but let's just say I'm repaying a favor you're going to do to me in the future. You end up giving me a little advice so I can make the right decision. And you'll get your goodbye, don't worry. He may be late but he never breaks a promise." The picture became filled with static and River saw Clara's eyes glisten not with sadness but fear and she wondered what that poor girl had done to herself.

"Good luck Professor Song," Clara said through the increasing static. "Here's to the girls who give everything for that mad Doctor because he's worth it right? He's worth our small little lives, isn't he?" River never got the chance to answer the girl's plea as the picture cut out and returned to it's normal screen.

River doesn't know quite how much time she spent starting at the CAL logo before Lux returned saying that the work was done. She swallowed, yes, now to get back to the Doctor. Because Clara was right, he was worth it, he was worth every heartbreak and every agony and every death. She only hoped the Doctor would be able to come to the aid of his future companion. Because that man would always need someone and with the Ponds gone someone needed to fill that role and River must say she approved of her husband's future choice.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

River Song, the dead wife of the Doctor, was quite glad to escape the Library for a time. She'd grown fond of her sort-of afterlife but a little adventure with the Doctor was just what she needed. Maybe if she was lucky she might be able to get her promised goodbye out of him.

As she disgracefully sipped her champagne, she couldn't help the light gasp as she saw who she was sitting next to. It was Clara, impossible Clara Oswald who knew all about her time with the Doctor and had given her the courage to do what was right. Except this Clara, this version of Clara, was not the one who River had met. And as the conversation about the Doctor and Trenzalore unraveled, River had a shaking suspicion as to how Clara ended up at the Library that day. The Doctor's grave contained his time stream which could scatter someone through his timeline. If breeched, the Doctor would be incredibly vulnerable and prone to attack.

She looked at Clara and her slightly fearful, but determined, expression. Or perhaps that vulnerability could be used to save him instead. She smiled to herself as she kept the conference call open and followed the spunky young girl around the desolated planet. Because once, a long, long time ago, River was born to kill the Doctor. Now she could make way for her successor, the girl who was born to save the Doctor. Yeah, she liked the sound of that. The girl who was born to save the Doctor, or the Impossible Girl, either way she knew her Sweetie, every single version, was in safe hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from the 10th doctor episode Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead which is my favorite of 10. This should be the last of this series with a last wrap up shot.


	34. All Together Now

The Eleventh Doctor was having quite a nice relaxing day. He was bored with it already but he was certainly having it. He stared out at the dark purple waves of Atrios wondering where he would go next. He had dropped Amy and Rory off a while back after the scare at the alien motel and he just couldn't quite get back into the swing of adventuring, not yet anyway. He missed them, plain and simple, and the TARDIS just seemed so lifeless without them.

"Oi, you with the bowtie, would you give me a hand?" The Doctor jumped slightly and considered not turning; actually to be honest he considered getting up and running away screaming. Of course he recognized that voice, how could he not? A few centuries ago he had been speaking in that voice. "Really, it will only take a mo and then you can go back to your sulking." The Doctor scowled and turned around to face his previous incarnation.

"I am not _sulking_ ; I was just enjoying the scenery." He looked back over his shoulder at the purple waves, he supposes they were a bit dull. The other Doctor, the tenth version anyway, rolled his eyes.

"Right I forgot never to underestimate the entertainment levels of human tourists. You lot act as if you've never seen an alien ocean." The Doctor quirked an eyebrow, rude and not ginger, yes he was totally seeing it now. Well whatever, he was in it now so he'd better get ole Sandshoes here out of the way before a paradox ensued. How the hell did he not remember this?

"So what sort of help do you need so desperately that you interrupt my… introspection."

"I came here with an Earth woman she has red hair and is very, very loud. I seem to have lost her, have you seen or rather heard her?" The Doctor, or really Eleven since there were two Doctors present, was so confused he couldn't even name the thing that confused him the most. First of all, he doesn't ever remember coming to Atrios with Donna. Second, shouldn't Ten have picked up on the fact that this man was not only a Time Lord but a future version of himself and three, Donna. Donna was here, he could see Donna again. He could talk about adventures and laugh _with Donna_. All three were very good reasons to stick close to Ten and find out just what was happening. He shook his head.

"I'm afraid not, but I could help you look for her, if you want…" Ten frowned suspiciously and Eleven couldn't help but feel vain about the wrinkles that appeared around his eyes and mouth. "You know, to get away from the sulking thing for a bit, you're right, I just said goodbye to some good mates and well-" Ten smiled and clapped him on the back, Eleven was mildly surprised nothing exploded. They began walking down the beach as Ten went off on a long ramble.

"Sure of course, I understand, come on. I do love chatting; I do it a lot apparently. Donna says I've got a gob that just doesn't stop and I tell her that she's not much better what with all her shouting and stuff. I'm sorry I've gone off again haven't I? What did you say your name was again?" Eleven blinked, would John Smith be too obvious?

"Er uh Rory, Rory Williams." Ten grinned.

"Well my name is…" His eyes darted to something over Eleven's shoulder and they widened to the size of saucers. Eleven almost turned but Ten stopped him finishing loudly. "Yes, and I am Wilfred, Wilfred Mott, lovely to meet you." He leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially. "Ok Rory, act natural. I know this bloke but he doesn't know me yet. I'm a time traveler so this is possible, it'll be over soon. So just stay calm and act natural."

"Oi, hold up, I've got a question. Have you two stooges seen a young girl, about 19 or so with curly blonde hair?" Eleven sucked in his breath and bit his lip. This was bad and getting baderer by the second. As if dealing with Ten wasn't bad enough but now Nine pops up out of nowhere?

"Rose?" Ten choked out and Eleven wanted to roll his eyes. He forgot how that incarnation was nearly overwhelmed by his sentimentality for the London shop girl. Eleven frowned, he couldn't really blame him though, he wasn't much better with his little Amelia. Nine walked over to them with concerned look.

"Oh so you've seen her then, that's good. I've been looking for her for a while now, honestly I don't know what part of 'don't wander off' they don't they get."

Ten and Eleven exchanged a look in which Ten mimed a quick shush noise. It made the eldest Doctor want to tear his hair out. Here he was hiding from Ten who was now trying to convince him to hide from Nine. He was fairly certain this couldn't get any worse. Nine glared at them clearly getting impatient.

"If you two are done making faces at each other, would one of you point me in the direction of my companion? I'd like to get off this heap of rubble as soon as I can thank you very much." A discreet glance in Ten's direction told Eleven that his younger self was still too caught up in the thought of meeting his Rose again. He sighed and turned to address Nine.

"Um sorry Mate, don't know any Roses here. My friend… Wilfred and I haven't seen anyone else and hopefully no one else unexpected pops along." Eleven said with a strained smile, the last part muttered under his breath. Ten seemed to snap out of his stupor and properly look at him for the first time. Eleven wasn't sure what would happen if they all started deducing identities but he'd rather not find out. While he was curious as to why Nine was here, this many Doctors in one area couldn't possibly be good.

"Pardon chaps!" The three Doctors froze as Eight all dressed to the nines – dear Rassilon he did _not_ just think that- snuck up behind them. They all turned and gave him a thinly disguised grimace while the pretty faced man just kept smiling as if nothing were wrong. So this is before the Time War then, hard to imagine a time when he was that innocent. "Would one of you tell me where the nearest town is? Lucie wanted to do a bit of shopping or she did before I lost her. I suppose I should be asking if you've seen her about. She's about yeah tall, Northern accent, rather brash." Eight said with a small, kind smile.

"Nope, nuh-uh, none whatsoever!" Ten squeaked rocking on his heels while Nine took a few steps back. Eight regarded them all with a funny expression on his face as his gaze sharpened.

"Is everything alright? Are you in some sort of trouble?"

"No!" Nine said stepping forward with a menacing glare. Eleven winced a little; it appeared Nine was still wounded by his previous regeneration's actions during the war or lack there of perhaps. "And I think it's about time you got going you hussy." Eight took a step back in surprise only for a very distinctive umbrella to swing down in-between the two. Eight's surprise shifted from one Doctor to another as he turned to the newest member of the group.

"Now gentleman, I don't know what's going on between the two of you but you're grown men and I'd think you'd better start acting like it." Seven purred pulling his umbrella back and hooking it onto his arm. "Now really, what is going on here? And what are all you doing staring at me for?" Four Doctors turned to look at one another.

What in the name of Rassilon had he been drinking last night?

"Excuse me dear fellows." Seven's eyes widened as Five approached followed by a very pensive Six who hung back a little, probably to observe to his past self. "Is there a hospital nearby?" He asked jovially before subtly leaning forward gesturing his head back towards Six and whispering conspiratorially. "I don't think that man is quite stable, I think it's best if he got some proper rest." The group was all silence but he thinks he heard Nine muttering about the blasted coat under his breath to which Eleven wholeheartedly agreed. Which would makes sense as they were the same person after all. Eight cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry er Sir, but we're all tourists as well I'm afraid so we're just as lost as you are." He said trailing off slightly as he eyed the group before finally settling on Eleven. "Funny, I thought I'd gotten past the bowtie thing years ago." He mumbled quietly and Eleven huffed and indignantly straightened his _very cool_ accessory. Oblivious, Five nodded a bit sadly casting a glance at Six.

"Yes, well I am a Doctor maybe I can do something on my own. I do wish I knew what had happened that would make him so peculiar." He paused and Seven brought his umbrella to his lips.

"A dose of spectrox toxaemeia and a hero complex will do that any day." The rest of the Doctors cleared their throats or coughed or just outright snorted. Five blinked as he eyed Seven.

"I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that, did you say spectrox-"

"-toxaemia, yes it's a poison found primary on Androzani Minor in the Sirius system. A horrible way to go, or so, I've been told and I'm hoping not to find out myself truth be told." The Fourth Doctor interrupted smiling broadly while Five sputtered before readjusting his celery to cover the motion. The Fourth Doctor adjusted his hat and grinned manically. "Hello, I'm the Doctor; might I ask what's going on here?" Six finally seeming have lost interest in sulking, stepped forward and instinctively all the other Doctors reached forward to stop him from acting too rashly. Too late though.

"Well that's a fairly presumptuous question for you of all people to be asking _, Doctor_." He said, jabbing Four in the chest. "I think we really ought to be asking who _you are_ and are _you_ doing here?" There has got to be a small star exploding somewhere as five Doctors simultaneously face palmed. The Fourth Doctor blinked and not breaking eye contact reached into his pocket and pulled out a bag.

"Why my good man, I think you need a jelly baby."

"I don't believe I do thank you very much!" Six shouted tugging on his lapels. Seven stepped in and held his hands in a placating way.

"Gentlemen please there's no reason to shout." Six turned his glare onto his future self.

"Oh don't I? Just look at your jumper man. Who dressed you this morning? The Riddler?" Nine snorted at this.

"Oi have you looked in the mirror recently, thank God I got over that phase quickly enough." Six's annoyance melted as he took in the rest of large group as if noticing them for the first time. "Wait are you all...?"

"Did it really take you that long to work it out?" Four asked, biting of the head of a jelly baby. "I weep for my future." He rolled his eyes over in the direction of the older Doctors. Ten quirked an eyebrow in annoyance, "what?"

"Oh nothing," Four said tucking away his jelly babies. "Just looking at a future mid-life crisis, practically children you are. Honestly the next one's going to be twelve years old." His eyes slid over to Eleven, "oops too late." Eleven's mouth twitched, oh to hell with the timelines.

"Oh well aren't you just the coolest with your scarf and your candies." He spat, throwing his arms in the air which probably wasn't the best move if the looks on everyone's' faces were any indication.

"Yes thank you for noticing, a trait you seemed to have misplaced young man. Tell me, are your parents coing to pick you up soon?" Four teased.

"Oh I'd get that big head of yours out of the clouds before you take a fall, opps," he mimicked "too late I guess. Celery boy is better than you every day." Five grimaced.

"Please don't draw me into this narcissistic competition." But still the bickering continued as their voices grew louder and tempers grew shorter.

"You should've wiped out the Daleks when you had the chance you maniac! You could have avoided the whole damn war!" Nine shouted

"Oh will you be quiet you! What happen? Did the pretty princess over there swallow glass to turn into such a bitter angry man? My clothes are a disguise but yours show how ugly you truly are!" Six retorted.

"Disguise for what? Your dreadful personality? If you weren't so distracted by your clothes you could have saved Peri you half wit numbskull." Ten interrupted.

"Hey now therrrrrre everyone calm down. What are we fighting for? Can't we handle this as Doctors?" Seven countered.

"I do concur, we are the Doctor and we should be acting like it so if everyone would just..." Eight pleaded.

"Shut up Lord Byron, just because you didn't fight in the war doesn't mean I don't blame you for it! We're all responsible!" Nine accused.

"Oi, big ears! X-nay on the War-eh." Eleven hissed.

"Mmmhmm!" Though quiet, the sound of an older man clearing his throat caused all the Doctors to turn and find, well himself. The First, Second and Third Doctors stood there looking none too pleased at their future incarnations. The bickering Doctors had least at the sense to look ashamed.

"Now then, which one of you is the eldest?" The First asked giving his cane a light tap on the ground. The Eleventh Doctor slowly stepped forward and rocked awkwardly on his feet at the aggravated look his younger counterparts gave him. Honestly, they should know that he couldn't help the face.

"Oh for Rassilon's sake look at that, younger than Susan I'd bet. Oh no matter, no matter, will you tell me what in the name of sanity is happening, hmmm?" One demanded causing the other two Doctors to nod.

"Yes please enlighten us since you're clearly the most aged and experienced." Three drawled out sarcastically.

"Hmm, what's a boy got to say that we don't know?" Two huffed. Choosing to ignore thm, Eleven continued.

"We're not quite sure but somehow we all ended up in this time and place. I came across Ten who was-" he paused as if remembering something important. "Hang on, I came here alone but didn't you all come with companions?" He saw the other Doctors' eyes grow bright with understanding.

"Yeah, like I said before, I came with Donna" "and Rose" "Lucie..." "Ace is accompanying me currently" "Peri, wait what do you mean I could have saved P-" "I had Tegan and Turlough" " the savage Leela who-" "Miss Sarah Jane Smith" "What? But where did Jamie and Victoria go?"

One nodded at the string of names he did not know but someday would. "And I came with Steven and Dodo, yes I see your point young man, where did they go?" The Doctors suddenly looked around as if it would cause their companions to reappear. Seven took a few steps back away from the group.

"Yes, well I need to be finding Ace. I brought her here to let loose some old Nitro-9 and Rassilon knows what she'll do without prrroper supervision." He tipped his hat "I look forward to meeting you all, well not particularly." Four smirked as he also turned and sauntered his own way.

"Yeah, same goes for Leela. I don't want to know what she's getting up to. Probably murder if I were to guess. Don't worry, I'll be sure to enjoy being an adult while it lasts. Goodbye my dears." Nine huffed and spun on his heels as he stalked away.

"Forgot how unpleasant that one could be, reminds me too much of you all. Now I'm off to find my Rose, I swear if I see any of you again-"

"I should be going too," Five interrupted leaning forward to shake Ten and Eleven's hands. "Don't worry what they say, I'm sure you're all doing a cracking job. Have a lovely rest of your day." Ten smiled and returned the handshake enthusiastically.

"Yeah you see that's what I'm talking about! A true inspiration, now you sir, are the Doctor. _My Doctor_ I guess if I had to pick a favorite." The two men smiled and wandered off together. Slowly the Doctors dispersed in their own directions, probably searching for their companions until only One and Eleven remained. Eleven tried to ignore One's rather penetrating stare and instead nervously tugged at his collar.

"You said you came here alone?" One began.

"For now," Eleven shrugged. "It's too dangerous to travel with humans for a long time. They get worn out and sometimes-sometimes bad things happen. It's better this way so I don't needlessly endanger lives." One pursed his lips before treating Eleven to a small smile and a light shoulder tap.

"Hmm so you are wiser than you look. Ho it's nice to know I look that good when my eyes are as old and troubled as yours are. So humor me old man, did we ever get around to fixing that old Chameleon Circuit?"

**In a bar about 12 miles away**

"I'm bored when's the Doctor going to get here? He promised us a pleasure planet but all I see around here is dirt." Tegan moaned sitting her head on the bar. Something had obviously gone astray as there were many, many people here looking for the Doctor but describing all sorts of different looking men. One savage looking girl even described the first Doctor she had met, the scarf one, almost to a tee. She was busy arguing with a short teenager over explosives and Tegan was sure the place would be blown up in about 5 minutes. It didn't help that this obnoxious red head kept fawning over this Rose girl. Apparently she was important or something. Boy did she ever needed a drink.

A couple others were huddled in groups talking about their Doctors and what they were like but Tegan was just too upset for that kind of thing right now. All she wanted was for that Time Lord who couldn't tell time to get in here so she could give him a swift kick to the behind. She didn't even have Turlough to pass the time with as he was too busy chatting up some of the prettier girls. One girl was so scantily clad even Tegan was embarrassed. Ugh alien or not he was still a man. She'd have cozied up to the handsome one in the kilt but the way that Victorian lady held onto him said he was off limits.

The sound of the door swinging open caught her attention as an older looking gentleman wandered in and opened his eyes wide in surprise as he saw them all. He muttered something to himself with a wry little smile on his face and took the seat next to her. He smiled sweetly and she realized that he wasn't nearly as old as he looked, just dirty and worn down like he'd been in a war or something. But there was an impish sparkle in her eyes that was terribly familiar... Oh lord it couldn't be.

"Excuse me Tegan," he began in a light voice. "I'm looking for the Doctor." Tegan smirked.

"Well, you've certainly come to the right place."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another one of my absolute favs, all the doctors together being mad and impossible and just sniping at each other. Classic who references abound.


	35. First Kiss

The Third Doctor didn't really see the point in this silly little party. So the Master had once again been defeated, he had been stopped from conquering the world last week as well so the Doctor could not see the justification for drunken festivities. He briefly toyed with the idea that this was some sort of devious tax evasion scheme. But as the evening went on the Doctor was beginning to believe that the party was just what it appeared to be; a group of humans getting together to exchange stories and alcohol just because they wanted to. It was… quaint in an annoying human way. They were terribly sentimental the lot of them and as much as he tried pretend that his culture was much more respectable, they seemed to be having a great deal more fun than the Time Lords ever did.

The Doctor stood off to the side with a small smile on his face, meticulously adjusting his velvet jacket as he watched Mike Yates pour Jo another unidentifiable drink which was mostly some form of depressant. But they looked so happy, the Doctor decided not to mention the havoc it was wreaking on their autonomic and somatic nervous systems. Maybe this was good for them; it had been a hectic couple of months. It seemed there was always a monster to stop, a disaster to thwart and just somewhere to run off to. The Doctor himself wasn't much for these human customs but he quite enjoyed the happiness it brought his fellows, some more than others...

"Doctor," the Doctor grimaced as the Brigadier leaned heavily onto his shoulder grinning lopsidedly. The Brigadier, normally a stiff and composed man whom the Doctor had always respected, was completely inebriated. He's said that the man needed to relax more often but that didn't mean he wanted his friend's saliva all over him.

"I do believe you've had enough Lethbridge-Stewart, what would Doris say if she could see you now?" The Brigadier laughed gamely and punched at the empty air.

"D-hic-Doric isn't here Doc-tah and I'd appreciate it if you treated me like a proper –hic- commanding officer." The Doctor rolled his eyes and slowly started to drag the man towards the door outside where he could get the man sobered up a bit and get him back home where he belongs.

"Right, terribly sorry old chap, come on then my dear Brigadier, it's time you returned to your post. I'll just put you in Bessie and we'll get you back to your duties in no time. Oh Jo dear, thank you for getting the door, yes, I'm going to take him home now. Thank for inviting me, it's been quite enjoyable." The Doctor paused to speak quietly to Jo while the Brigadier squirmed fitfully in his arms like a small child.

"You know I caught the Mas-tah," the Brigadier interrupted while Jo hid a smile behind her hand. She may have been too kind to use this unique situation to her advantage but the snickering from the officers told him that they would take advantage of this opportunity for all it was worth.

"Yes of course Brigadier, now you tell the Doctor all about it as he takes you back home." She said quietly excusing herself. The Brigadier continued on even though his intended audience had left.

"Yes, it was easy; I just 'ad to distract him was all. Distraction-yeah, that's the key, I know how you-you Time Kings work. You're all the same; one good distraction and you're easy picking, like a duck." The Doctor wasn't even really paying attention to his friend's babbling as he searched his pockets for the keys to his car.

"That's nice Alistair, oh blast it, Jo have you seen my k-" he was prevented from speaking further when suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, he had the Brigadier in his face. And not only was the human man in his face, he had his lips on his own and was actually kissing him. The Doctor felt himself tense up in surprise and horror as the noises around them fell to a crashing silence. It couldn't have lasted more than a few seconds but to the Doctor, it felt like several centuries had passed before the Brigadier pulled back with a cheeky grin.

"See there Doc-tah, that's all you need is a good –hic- distraction." The Doctor, still frozen at the unexpected advance stared at his friend. No, but the man was married for Rassilon's sake! And he was a Time Lord and oh dear what had happened? Someone in the crowd coughed which broke the hush over the crowd. Sergeant Benton, good soldier that he was, came forward and took hold of the Brigadier's arm and started to lead him away.

"Here, I'll take him home for you. I've haven't had that much to drink and he's not far from where I live." He smiled quietly and whispered. "Don't worry, his mind's in another place, just a funny turn is all. I bet he has no idea what he's just done. Best to forget it ever happened." The Doctor straightened his bowtie and nodded when Benton gingerly led the drunken man out of the room. He cleared his throat and turned to see the whole room staring at him with wide eyes. He picked up a glass sitting on the table and held it up.

"Well then, here's to the Brigadier, the only human who knows how to keep me around." The crowd chuckled and raised their glasses before continuing on with their celebrations. He slumped against the wall in exasperation as he took a sip from the glass. On the other side of the room, Jo's face had gone red trying to hold in her laughter and he heard a few suppressed chuckles going 'round. Well this was going to cause a stir now wasn't it?

The Doctor subtly dabbed at his mouth with a handkerchief. Honestly, his first kiss with a human and it had to be Lethbridge-Stewart of all people. He wanted to feel angry but could only muster mild annoyance. He supposed he was just too fond of the man to be truly upset and, Sergent Benton had been right, his friend had quite taken leave of his senses.

Still, he smiled, his first kiss certainty could have been worse. He made a mental note to tease the man tomorrow as he suffers through the aftereffects of his evening. That's what friend's did after all and the Doctor thought that maybe this meant that he and the Brigadier were going to be stuck together for awhile yet and maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only ship Doc/Brig platonically but this was too fun


	36. Saving Clara

"Well how about that? I'm soufflé girl after all." Clara said with a wry grin in an attempt to hide how absolutely terrified she was. She was just Clara Oswald, a graduate with no mum, no plans and no importance, but right now she could do this. She could save the Doctor. The universe didn't need her, she was just another girl, but it couldn't live without him. The lizard lady had said as much. The Doctor gasped in pain on the ground, stretching an arm towards her.

"No, please." It hurt to see him in so much pain. He didn't deserve it. Emma had right, there was a sliver of ice in his heart, but there was so much more. He was a good man doing the best he could for the people he cared for and though he didn't always make the right calls, he did it with the best intentions. And now he was dying because of all those good deeds, God knows know many years of love and pain and loss were burning. That poor man. He was long overdue for his own rescue. She slowly stepped toward the shimmering light that contained her friend's entire life.

"If this works get out of here as fast as you can. And spare me a thought now and then." She selfishly added the last part on because, if she were being completely honest, she was terrified. Dead wife River Song had essentially told her this was worse than a death sentence. Of all the ways she thought she'd go, she never imagined this. She forced herself to smile, but it was for the best of causes right?

"No. Clara!" He cried out once more, continuing to reach for her. Yes, of course, her silly little life as a nanny was worth his. He was the Doctor and she was just Clara. Yes, she was scared and this could very well be the last thing she ever did but she would save him. She was the Impossible Girl and she would save the Doctor.

"In fact, you know what?" She turned and let her eyes wander over his pain-filled face that still had the nerve to worry for her. She never wanted to see that man suffer like that again and she would make sure he didn't. Across all of time and space, she would do her best to see that he was happy or, at the very least, safe. Surely she could do that? "Run, run you clever boy, and remember me." She took a deep breath and, before she lost her nerve, jumped into the glowing time stream.

Now she really was blowing on a leaf. Clara would close her eyes and his entire life would swirl around her, every victory, every defeat, every joy and sorrow. She would blink and he would be battling the Master in the TARDIS. She'd turn her head and there he was running hand in hand with Rose Tyler. A step forward and there he was taking his first steps in the red fields of Gallifrey. A step back and he was on his knees sobbing as the Ponds were taken from him. She was everywhere and nowhere, spread across everything he ever was and always will be.

Bits and pieces of herself peeled away to thwart the Great Intelligence at every turn, most of the times her copies died in the process and each time the pang of death burned. It hurt; it hurt so much as every victory ended with nothing but misery for her. It just hurt so much.

He'd mocked her a few times, the Great Intelligence that is, called her a lost lovesick little girl caught up in something she couldn't understand. But that wasn't her at all; she was just the nanny, just a temporary distraction from his real companions. She couldn't help but feel insecure looking at all the people he'd acquired over the years. From the school teachers all the way to the Boy and Girl who waited, they were the good friends and beloved family the Doctor loved more than anything. She could never be as great as they were, she could never mean that much to him.

So she tried not to take it too badly when he ignored her, when she would save his skin and he didn't even look in her direction. She was the girl who was born to save the Doctor, the only mystery worth solving, just an out of work student looking for a bit of adventure. No wonder he didn't notice her, she wasn't the kind of person someone like him would be interested in. She smiled as she watched the people come in and out of his life. The Doctor would be fine, he would always be fine so long as he had them. And as long as he was fine then the Impossible Girl could have her own form of contentment.

Because now he was safe, she smiled to herself to think that her mad Doctor would ever really be safe but it was true. She protected him in all his weaker moments, saved him when he was being infuriatingly stubborn and gently guided him onto the path she knew he ought to follow. That man, that mad, impossible man, was finally safe from the virus that had infected him. Her job done, she was no longer needed and found herself unceremoniously plopped into a very terrifying place.

She huddled to ground and tried to compose herself. Her job as the Doctor's protector was done but now she had to remember who she was again. Thousands of years of his life and memories threatened to drown out her own pitiful existence. She cried as she gripped the ground trying to find herself.

"Doctor, Doctor please!" She shouted in fear, he'd always been there for his other companions, so why wasn't he here for her? He'd found Donna Noble again, had always held Jamie McCrimmon close and bravehearted Tegan, so why wasn't he here now? "Please, I don't know where I am." She trailed off as she remembered that she didn't count. She was just the mystery girl, the only reason he took her away was because he didn't understand her. Well now he did and she was no longer interesting to the man who had seen whole civilizations rise and fall.

So ends the briefly exciting life of Clara Oswald, trapped forever in the lonely abyss of the Doctor's darkest days.

"Clara, you can hear me, I know you can." She looked up, no, no it couldn't be. He had places to run to, people to make better, he wouldn't come back for her.

"I can't see you," she said hesitantly until she finally did. The Doctor was suddenly everywhere. The lovable old man, the colorful maniac, the charming cricket man, the kindly veteran, even the crazy scarf one were bustling around her. Seeing all his old faces brought her ease, he was here, he was always here.

And right now, he was here for her.

She wanted to cry as he consoled her, told her that he was coming in to get her at the threat of collapsing his own time stream. She laid her head back on the ground as the world. She couldn't remember who she was anymore, was she a Dalek? A Governess, a scared little girl? Even if she got out of this alive how would she ever keep herself straight when she was literally everywhere and everywhen.

But then there was the leaf, the most important leaf there ever was, the leaf that out of millions of billions flew into her father's face and led him to her mother. Page one of the rest of her life. She clung to the object which was and would always be her. She looked up then only find him standing right there, _her_ Doctor. She had started crying again because she had missed him so much, missed him acknowledging her. The Eleventh Doctor, all smiles and bowties to hide the sadness and regret. Her stupid, beautiful Doctor was here to save her. She began to stumble forward to him at his urgings.

"How many times have you saved me, Clara? Just this once, just for the hell of it, let me save you. You have to trust me, Clara, I'm real. Just one more step. Clara! My Clara!" She collapsed into his inviting arms relishing the warmth he brought. Her Doctor was here and he cared, really properly cared. She wasn't just a mystery, wasn't just the Impossible Girl who was born to save the Doctor, she was Clara Oswald and the Doctor cared for her. She buried her face into his purple tweed reminding herself how much she had missed this, missed her Doctor.

The dead world around them wasn't even there because, for the first time in a very long time she was safe. She wasn't off protecting the universe's most amazing man; she was now cuddled in his arms. He ran his hands through her hair, planting little kisses. She closed her eyes. Safe, she was safe and she would always be safe as long as this man was here.

The girl who saved the Doctor was finally safe herself.


	37. Visitation

It's often thought that once a companion ceases their travels with the Doctor that he never visits them in their everyday lives. This is, in fact, false; it's not well known but the Doctor always tries to stop by and visit old friends whenever he can.

He sometimes goes to see faithful servant girl Katrina who came from Ancient Troy and never stopped being amazed at him. He tells her about things from the future she would have liked and always leaves some flowers at her new home.

He pops by to say hello to Sara Kingdom as well, tells her would've had liked to have travelled with her longer and wishes her well in her old age.

In his travels he'll come across complex formulas or math problems which he always leaves for Adric when he visits him. That boy loved to work out math formulas on the TARDIS and even now that they've parted way the Doctor tries to quench that boy's thirst for knowledge and attention whenever he can.

Even the android Kamelion gets a visit from the Doctor once every blue moon where he now resides on Sarn, hopefully happy now that Master was no longer possessing him. The Doctor smiles to think of what they accomplished with more time, yet another friend who left before the Doctor was ready.

Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart isn't located too far from that imbecile Harry Sullivan so the Doctor usually visits both at once, sharing old stories of their times together and even a few new ones. None of his former companions ever comment on the wetness of his eyes nor do they say anything at all.

Sarah Jane was in Croydon enjoying a good rest after a lifetime of chasing after a daft old man. He would smile and remain quiet because his Sarah Jane didn't need him to fill up space with empty words. She understood him as he was and so he and his best friend would sit together in comfortable silence sometimes for hours at a time.

He saw Peri Brown a lot as well, he would talk sass and hope maybe one day he'd hear a response that would never come. He liked to think that she was happy where she was, in her new life amongst the stars with her warrior-king husband. The delusion would never be kept up for long as he would remember where Peri really was. He instead would leave her with more flowers and maybe even a cat broach to remind her of a Doctor long gone. Just like her.

It's easy for him to visit Astrid Peth, the almost, should-have-been companion. All he has to do is open the doors of his TARDIS somewhere in deep space and watch the stars floating by. _It's not falling Astrid_ , he'll remind her gently as he closes the doors once more, _it's flying_.

He visited the Ponds, his family, quite often. He always made sure that their little place in Queens was clean. Rory had always been a bit of a neat freak after all and that probably didn't change after they left. He leaves little gifts that continued to pile up but it didn't matter. It almost causes him to smirk to think of the odd look the grave must receive with a package of fish fingers and custard stacked lovingly in front of it. _But now wasn't the time for that_ , he thought drearily as he ran his fingers down the stone carvings of their names.

He probably should visit River more but seeing as the entire planet was infested with man-eating shadows it proved quite difficult. So he visited her in other ways, going back to places where they had been happy and sitting there trying to remember the feel of her in his arms. If he was truly desperate, sometimes he sought the company of a past version of his wife but he did that less and less now that Rory and Amy were… no longer traveling with him. At some point he just couldn't bear the heartache anymore.

The Doctor cares for his companions deeply and he keeps them in hearts long after they leave always doing his best to remember to visit every now and again. The moment he hears of their passing he would immediately fly his TARDIS their way armed with flowers and more than a few apologies for his dear friends. One must wonder why the Doctor would wait until it was too late to see his beloved children of time but perhaps it is presumptuous of us humans to try and guess the hearts and mind of a terribly old and sad Time Lord.

So let it not be said that the Doctor never visits his companions once they leave him. He is, in fact a very frequent visitor to all of them. And who knows, maybe one day he'll get up the nerve to whisper his words of love, affection and admiration to his companions' faces and not to their graves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the doctor stops and sees his companions..... at their gravesites


	38. Museum Piece

"-now children quiet down now. You all are to stand still and pay attention. You mind yourself now or you'll experience severe punishment once we return to the Academy, of that you can be assured." The squirming young Time Lords to be ceased their movements and directed their blank gazes to their professor.

_Listless_

"Now this here is a Type 40 TARDIS, used primarily for interplanetary and temporal travel within Gallifreyan space. This particular model was used a millennia ago for minor temporal repairs-" One child rolled their eyes, allowing their gaze to stray from the professor and over to worn and weary TARDIS before darting quickly back before said professor noticed. Another let out the slightest of sighs and shifted on their feet. A more openly impatient young lad risked a quick head turn down the hall where the newer, more exciting TARDIS's were being held.

_Dull_

"-As you can see this TARDIS is quite old, it hasn't been flown in centuries and will most likely never be actively used again. However, the technology within it is still valuable for studies in improving the latest models and for educating future Time Lords in the history of one of our planet's finest achievements. A TARDIS is the perfect union of technological and biological components to create a vessel capable of travel through time and relative dimension in space; it is quite unlike any other time vessel in existence." Sixteen pairs of young eyes lighted on the time machine with varying levels of boredom and fear. Not one looked impressed or interested at all. No one could see the raw potential she knew she had burning at her core-and she wasn't even talking about the eye of harmony. But of course all they saw was an ancient TARDIS.

_Average_

The professor- one she had become quite familiar with in her time here at the museum and who was indeed as boring as he appeared- droned on a little longer about her parts and her history to the children who could care less about an old, out-of-date TARDIS. Oh what small-minded people! What did they know? At times like these she wished she had a proper mouth to tell these tiny little beings what it meant to be _important_ and _useful._

She wanted to tell them that despite her age she was capable of so much than they gave her credit for. She had waited and wanted so badly and yet once the newer, shinier models became mainstream she was just dumped into this wretched, dreary place and left to gather dust. The whole of time and space were before her and before she could even get past her planet's boundaries she had been retired!

She wanted to tell them that she was destined to see more than the stars hovering above Gallifrey, that she wanted to see everywhere and every when. She wanted to see suns rise and set on a hundred thousand worlds, see the cultures and the languages and the brilliance of all the hundreds of millions of beings out there just waiting to be discovered and of all she wanted to be swept away by some mad Time Lord, someone who shared her dreams, who could hear her silent screaming in the museum and whisk her off to adventures unknown.

A shining knight, a clever wizard, a good man from all those stories packed into her library; that was what she needed, what she clung to in order to endure every dragging, hopeless moment. She wanted it so badly she could hardly stand it, but without a willing Time Lord, she was just an empty shell watching her planet's children grow colder and more indifferent with each passing century. What would become of the mighty Time Lord race, she wondered, when that growing apathy in their eyes hollowed them out completely?

"Now then children, have you any additional questions?"

Silence fell over the hall; they were the only group left in the room and soon they too would leave. She knew one day the museum would tire of her and she'd be sent away to the scrap yard to be used as spare parts. The only hope she had left was that, before her time came she could have just one glance at the glory of the universe she'd only just tasted. That was all she wanted now, just one chance to see everything and then she would be able to die in peace.

"What's a Police Box?" one child enquired and the professor rolled his eyes.

"If there are no _actual_ questions we shall look next the newer Type 57 TARDIS. Single file please, remember that you are representing the Time Lord Academy so be on your best behavior. I mean you two Theta Sigma and Koschei." One by one the listless, dull and hopelessly average children filed out of the room. This was her future right here, Time Lords who didn't care, Time Lords who could no longer see the beauty of the universe they reigned over, Time Lords whose hearts were growing so cold that it just might kill them and take the rest of the universe with them. All except for one.

She hadn't noticed him before because he looked just like every other Time Lord but she recognized him as the one who had spoken earlier. He was young boy, not more than a century old. He had light blonde hair which looked like someone had unsuccessful tried to tame but a few rebellious strands stood on end in protest. There was nothing to distinguish him from every other aspiring Time Lord, except that his eyes were sparkling with something _more_. A bright cornflower blue, they held a light in them, a light that refused to be restrained and that said that anything was possible when he was around.

Those eyes, attentive and kind, roamed freely over her dusty exterior. A warm hum went through her at the feel of his steady, loving gaze on her. How long had it been since someone had looked at her with such genuine admiration and awe? He stepped forward, still looking her up and down with curiosity and maybe even a little bit of sympathy because he understood. She could tell that he shared her unhappy predicament and could sense her overwhelming feeling of entrapment and the unremitting desire for more because he was feeling it too. How long had it been since she'd identified with a Time Lord?

He held his hand out to her, reaching to run his hand down her door but just a hair's breath away, just before his skin made contact he stopped and looked up at her. "May I?" He asked quietly, almost inaudibly. She hummed again, louder this time so he could hear, ecstatic at this stunning young man who realized more acutely than the men thousands of years older than he that she was actually, properly _alive_.

His soft flesh touched upon her frame and she shuddered slightly as telepathic circuits connected and her future took shape. She saw with great clarity the future this brilliant boy held and all the times he would have with her by his side. She saw herself perhaps as he now saw her, tall and proud and the bluest blue the universe had ever seen. She saw humanoid creatures filtering in and out of her doors each with the most amazing sense of awe on their young faces that the Gallifreyans had long since lost. She saw life and death being casually decided at her console, she saw herself saving worlds, being remembered in countless cultures and beings from all over jumping at the sight of her.

She saw the stars within reach, forever floating around her constantly moving, seeing and doing the most fantastic and wonderful of things. As those small and tentative fingers explored her surface, she hummed to realize that she had found her savior; she had found the man who would spirit her away to the greatest adventure ever known.

But not quite yet.

Temporal circuits gave her all the information needed on the man this boy would become. She saw face after face come and go and yet the tenderness remained ever the same. She saw fire and ice and rage and the brightest love burning passionately enough to warm entire solar systems. She saw loss in his future, the most terrifying of losses, death and destruction on a scale that frightened her. But the smiles and the hope and the immeasurable happiness that lay ahead seem to even it all out and maybe even the things that were lost wouldn't stay that way forever... It didn't quite cancel out the bad things, but those joys were enough to keep the Doctor and his faithful TARDIS going, sometimes running, sometimes limping, onto the next adventure.

The Doctor and the TARDIS. The most glorious of stories, a legend in the making.

What wonderful and astounding times they would have in the future. He was too young, far too young to be her pilot so as much as she wanted to leave this place right now she knew it was time to let him go until he returned. A sudden sound caused the boy, the boy who would someday be her Doctor, to pull his hand back from her and step away. So young and unfettered by the tragedies of life, no, she would let her savior go and wait for him to return for her. He smiled at her, a soft and caring smile that she had already fallen in love with, and gave her a tentative wave.

"I have to go now but I'll see you later." The sound of his footsteps running to catch up with his classmates echoed long after he was gone but the memory remained and that was all she needed. She settled more comfortably into her designated spot. After all, what was a century or two when she had the most fantastic of adventures ahead of her? Now all she had to was wait to collect what was hers. She had to wait until her Time Lord was ripe enough for her to steal.

_A few centuries later_

The TARDIS repair shop was certainly less clean and less dignified than the museum but at least here she had privacy and no one poking unnecessarily in her console. There had been some half-hearted attempts to repair her after some of her circuits, by pure coincidence, had started to go haywire but she knew that the scrap heap would await her soon enough.

Her sisters moaned next to her at a frequency unheard by the Time Lords, lamenting their position and praying for release. As one of the few Type 40 TARDIS's left in existence, she hovered slightly apart from the others. She made no complaints, in fact she made no noise at all. For all that she had ahead of her, all of time and space; she could afford to wait just a little longer.

A creaking door caught her attention soon followed by a blaring alarm and she hummed with exuberance when she realized who had finally come to call. The click of footsteps and the hush of voices got louder as they hurriedly approached. It was time, after so very long, the moment was now at hand. The stars, the aliens, the freedom, they were now all within her reach now that _he_ was here.

The blonde hair had now turned a stark white and his smooth face bore the traces of a difficult and unfulfilling life here on this stifling planet. His once soft, innocent hands were hardened with the things he had been forced to do and burdens he had borne. But his eyes, though older and filled with contempt, held that same love and restlessness coupled with enough madness to even think of doing such a thing. The girl next to him, a pretty young thing with wide, innocent eyes, was unimportant in the long run. She like all the others would come and go, only he, with all his mad brilliance would remain.

He smiled as he chose her-thanks to that meddling girl who will spread herself across her thief's timeline far, far in the future- and she wondered if he remembered their first meeting. Probably not but that was fine because he was here now to rescue her like he would rescue countless others being for the rest of his days. The Doctor and the TARDIS, what adventures they would have together.

She unlocked her doors and waited for her life to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the tardis mentioned she was a museum piece and i ran with it


	39. Children of Time

Rory stared down at his hands. Hands that not that long ago had stroked his wife's, his _real_ wife's, hair after so long. Hands that had caused demons to run. Hands that had held his beautiful baby daughter Melody. Hands that now were empty, hopelessly, tragically empty. He gripped those empty hands tightly before looking around at the despondent air of Demon's Run.

Madame Vastra and Miss Jenny were pacing angrily, sticking close together for comfort. Toby and Henry Avery sat off the side, the old pirate throwing Rory pitying looks as he held his own son close. The various other creatures and beings staggered around now that their leader, the Doctor, was nowhere to be found. The many, many dead lay in another room. Rory felt each of their deaths acutely seeing that those poor people lost their lives in vain. Melody was gone forever, Amy was safe but not saved and he just felt empty. And it was all because of that man, the Doctor.

Amy liked to compare her two boys, her Raggedy Doctor and the Last Centurion, but Rory never felt more disgusted to be compared to such a man. A man who sacrificed armies for his own schemes, who terrified people so much that they would kidnap children to combat him. Why the next time he saw him…

"Hello Rory." The Roman turned to unleash his torrential fury upon the Doctor but stopped once he properly looked at the Time Lord. The Doctor who was always so well put together, always looking on top of the world or the universe or whatever. But now he just looked so worn down, as if he had tried to hold the weight of the world on his shoulders had had been crushed instead. "May I sit for a moment? If you're not comfortable with that, I can certainly go elsewhere." Rory, still openly staring at this man he thought he knew, motioned to the seat next to him on the bench. The Doctor fell down rather then sat down and with a heavy sigh, began running his hand through his hair. "I just came from Amy."

Oh, that explained the face. Rory had tried to talk to Amy several times but all she would do was scream and throw him out as she wailed for her lost baby. It absolutely tore him to pieces and, though Rory didn't much care for it, he knew the Doctor felt just as strongly for the ginger woman.

"And how is she doing?" Rory asked quietly. The Doctor grimaced in a show of true pain that Rory very rarely ever saw. He took a discreet glance around and saw that no one else was paying them any mind which was probably the only reason the Doctor had let his guard down. He wondered why the Doctor chose Rory of all people to confide in.

"She-she's devastated Rory. I told her that I would do absolutely everything in my power to find Melody and she just wouldn't stop screaming…things." Rory winced, Amy had an acid tongue when she was angry and he could very well imagine the horrid things that had passed her lips. He almost found himself pitying the Doctor.

"Doctor, now she doesn't really mean it, she's just upset-"

"No she's right Rory. I am a monster, a demon as bad as the ones we ran off today and I dragged you and your family right into hell with me." Rory was silent; he had no idea what to say. "Believe me Rory, if you still care to listen to me, I didn't want this to happen to you; especially not you Rory." The Doctor sighed again and pulled his hand from his hair to begin fiddling with them.

"You-you have always been special Rory, the good man I could never be. I'd like to think once, a long, long time ago I was like you; but all of that was stripped from me by war and terror. I didn't want you to see the things I had to see, the pain I had to deal with because it takes all that's good from you and you don't realize it until it's gone. Until everything you've ever loved is nothing but dust." Rory felt a chill start in his heart and slowly begin to leak out to the rest of him. Rory had always has his suspicions about the Doctor's life before the Time War but he'd never dared to think that…

"Losing a child, losing all of your children, it is the worst pain you can ever imagine. I'm sorry, it won't go away with time, it won't dull, at best it will float to the back of your mind but it's always there like a splinter under your skin; a splinter that has become infected. You don't deserve that kind of agony; I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Every monster out there has a parent of some sorts who loves them and wants them to be safe."

"Doctor," Rory said breathlessly at the stunning amount of information that was being shared. "Why are you telling me this? You should be talking to Amy." The Doctor smiled briefly and gave Rory a hesitant pat on the shoulder.

"Because Amy wouldn't listen to me. Distraught mothers don't often pay attention to heartbroken fathers. My-my wife was hysterical when our first was lost off planet, disease took him, I don't think she ever forgave me for letting him die so far away from home." He paused, as if he was just as surprised to be saying such personal things. "As for why I'm talking to you, a long time ago I was angry and lost and wondering what good a childless father would be to the universe. And then I met a human, a girl named-named Rose…" he stopped to take a hitching breath and that told Rory everything he needed to know about who this Rose girl was to the Doctor. "And she fixed me Rory."

"She gave me my purpose back, kept the darkness at bay, gave me another child to look after and love. She left, just like children always do, but she never left in here. She's in here with all my children, humans and Time Lords alike ." He said with a light smile pointing to his hearts. "Lots of people came and went and they all made me better. It's not the same of course, just as things will never quite be the same for you and Amy. But it's all we have and we have to make the best of it or else you'll just shrivel and die. It's called being alive, it's not always easy, but you can find things that it make it worth living."

Rory smiled back at the Doctor, who now looked a little better or at least a little more presentable. Maybe-maybe he'd never quite understood the Doctor before but now he thinks he's starting to. Rory could now appreciate some of Amy comparisons. The Doctor grinned at Rory and patted him on the knee and stood up, probably to go soothe the various soldiers in his army. Rory would probably go get Amy, tell her that he loved her and that they would get baby Melody back even if he knew it wasn't true. But before that…

"But Doctor, one last thing... You mentioned that some of the humans you traveled with, you saw them as-as- well you know and um do you, I mean, are we-" The Doctor smiled again and brought his hand up to give Rory's short hair an affectionate stroke before planting a kiss on his forehead, the kind he gave Amy all the time. The Doctor grinned one last time and wandered off, pulling Vastra and Jenny near him as he began discussing something.

Rory rubbed his forehead thoughtfully, well _that_ was certainly news. He sat up and made his way over to the room where he knew Amy was holed up. Maybe he could drag her out, get her to talk to some of the women to calm her down. Maybe he'd even let the Doctor have another go and give Amy a chance to apologize. Rory wouldn't mind, not this time, he'd finally realized that he had nothing fear from the Doctor. He'd finally understood the real meaning of the love the Doctor held for Amelia Pond and, apparently, one Rory Williams as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that paternal doctor gets me every time


	40. Domestic

The Second Doctor felt like dancing during for what passed as night on the TARDIS. Jamie and Zoe were currently asleep in their rooms after a long, exhausting adventure but, as the usual, the Doctor was too excited to sleep.

There was still so much evil left to thwart and many strange, strange creatures to visit, how could anyone possibly stand still much less sleep? So, grabbing his recorder, the Doctor began a jaunty little tune and twirled on his feet. It was so lovely to be free, no restrictions or responsibilities or people telling him what to do. This was truly the life and he would never, ever go back to-

"Could you pick up some milk?"

The Doctor was startled at the sudden noise and very nearly dropped his recorder. Why he didn't even hear his companions come in, he hoped he hadn't woken them. He turned to face them.

"I'm so sorry, Jamie, what did you- oh my, why-why you're not Jamie!" the Doctor shouted angrily when he found himself face to face with a complete stranger. Well, he says 'face to face' but it was more like 'face to chest' as the man was infuriatingly tall. And who in Rassilon's name wore a scarf that bloody long? The stranger smiled as if all the screws in his head had come loose and were now rattling about inside his skull.

"No, I'm not; I don't think I'd look as good in kilt. Might give it a try one of these days, the Brigadier seemed to think it was nice when we were in Scotland."

"Scotland!?" The Doctor questioned angrily too stunned to actually question the stranger. He should feel nervous, a mysterious madman appearing in his TARDIS but all he could muster was irritation. It was as if he was unconsciously familiar with the man though he was certain they'd never met before. The man nodded enthusiastically causing his wild curls to bounce up and down.

"Yes, it's located on the planet Earth. I know you're aware of the place because I've been there several times which means you have as well. I quite enjoy it, what with all the bustling in the universe it's nice to go somewhere quiet and primitive. I understand you feel the same." The Doctor was practically shaking with anger as the mad man broke away to admire his console, reaching a hand out to lovingly stroke the time rotor. That was it! The Doctor growled and slapped the man's hand away from his ship.

"All right you, you've had your fun now tell me who you and what you want and then I want you to go! This is my ship and I will not put up with your crazy shenanigans any more!" The man smiled again in an almost patronizing fashion.

"Well you're a bit slow; you really are the early model. I told you," he leaned down to bop the Doctor on the nose causing him to sputter in indignation. "I would like you to pick up some milk, it's really not that hard. But that's beside the point, I thought my identity was obvious. And fourthly no thirdly, you simply can't kick a man out of his own ship, even if it is a couple hundred years in the past." The spirit went out of the Doctor, well the Second Doctor now, as his future self smiled cheekily.

"Yes there we go, hello there old chap, so lovely to meet me." The other Doctor reached over and vigorously shook the Second Doctor's hand. He shook himself from his daze and pulled back his hand.

"Now wait a minute, you're saying that you are me from the future? That somewhere along the line I go completely potty? Why you must be the Twelfth and final regeneration! That's the only explanation!" His counterpart smirked again.

"Afraid not, I'm only the third regeneration. I did briefly meet my successor, nice enough fellow, a little bit on the naïve side but terribly sweet mind you." The Second Doctor took a step backwards and a large bolt of static built up between them. Two Doctors at separate points in their own time stream standing this close together? The consequences could be unimaginable.

"What are you even doing here!? You're corrupting the time lines with your presence by interfering with your own past!" He paused as another thought occurred to him. "How did you- how did you even get here!? Don't tell me you parked your TARDIS inside of my TARDIS?"

"Well I certainly didn't jog here, she's just down the hall and to the right. Don't worry I shant stay long enough to cause the universe any peril. I just wanted to ask you pick up some milk. We're out." The Second Doctor strained his head to look up at the Fourth Doctor only to find him completely serious.

"You're out of milk." The Second Doctor said slowly watching his future self nod.

"Yes, I've been traveling around so often I haven't had a chance to pick any up and Sarah and I were going to make some cereal but there's no milk so I thought I'd pop back and ask you to do it, it would be in your benefit after all."

"So you're saying you piloted your TARDIS into your own past to ask me to purchase milk for you to use several lifetimes from now instead of just landing on the nearest planet and buying it yourself?" The Second Doctor asked incredulously watching his other self shrug.

"Why be boring? If I wanted that I could have just stayed on Gallifrey and counted the grass so will you get the milk or not?" The Second Doctor slammed his hand onto his forehead in frustration.

"Yes! Yes you idiot I will go buy some milk and put it in the fridge for you! Just will you get out here before you create a tear in the space-time continuum or so help me I will throw you out those doors and into the nearest black hole!" The Fourth Doctor winked as he stepped away from the console and into the hallway, supposedly where his TARDIS was parked.

"Thank you dear, I knew I could help myself. Give a kiss to the kids for me and maybe if you're lucky I'll come back some other night." He grinned and started down the hall with his ridiculous scarf trailing behind him. "Sarah!" the Second Doctor heard him shout. "Check the fridge again! There should be some milk now!" The Second Doctor continued to silently seethe until he heard the very familiar wheezing sound start up and fade out again leaving the Doctor to wonder if the whole thing had been some sort of mental episode. Perhaps this was the prelude to the loss of his sanity which apparently was totally gone by the time he reaches his fourth incarnation. That was something to look forward to he supposed.

He sighed as he remembered his task and murmured angrily to himself as he typed in the coordinates for an Earth supermarket. Expecting him to run errands like he was some sort of housewife, who did he think he was? He groaned as the TARDIS slipped out of vortex and he searched his pockets for money.

Well, his earlier good mood was completely banished. It seemed he would never be free of everyday domesticity so long as there were 13 silly Doctor wandering about. How infuriating that no matter how far or fast he ran, he would always be attached to those other crazy men. The ultimate ball and chain. He grumbled some more as he stomped outside even daring to slam the door. Oh well, he supposed it could be worse. Like his future self said, at least things weren't boring.


	41. Starman

David sat in his room frowning over his guitar, angrily strumming chords that just didn't scream 'number one hit' to him. His last song had been fairly popular and now he was at the tipping point. He could either write the songs he knew he could write and become famous or settle into obscurity as another one hit wonder. He groaned, the record company just wouldn't stop calling him and he was no closer to a hit song than he was to outer space like he wrote about before.

He grabbed his guitar case; maybe a walk would do him some good, get him out of the stuffy house and get some new ideas into him. Shuffling out the door with his trusty guitar in hand, he listlessly he began wandering around the outskirts of London, away from the nuttiness of the inner-city, looking for some inspiration. He needed something big, he needed it soon and he hoped it would be something he wouldn't miss.

In front of him, something exploded and he came to a halt as his mouth dropped open as he stared dumbly at the flames. A few moments later he felt two arms wrapping around him and dragging him away in the opposite direction. David gaped up at the smoking sky trying to figure where his normal life went.

"Hello, are you hurt? Were you burned? My name is Martha that there is the Doctor, we're nice so tell me, were you hurt?" A pretty dark skinned woman who was dragging his right arm away asked, he lolled his head to the other side where a skinny man in a long coat had his left arm. He grinned down at David.

"Yup, like she said. She's Martha, I'm the Doctor and we are much friendlier than the guys behind us so we took the liberty of not introducing you." The skinny man, the Doctor, said with a smile.

"Wha?" David croaked out looking behind him to see more blasts of fire were erupting. His confused expression sharpened up as a shimmering umbrella looking thing flew toward them. "Hey uh guys, there's something…" The Doctor turned his head and yelped.

"Martha, left, left, left! That's a Time Scoop! We need to hide from it, into the trees!" It was too late, the umbrella thing was over them and they stumbled to the ground. His hand automatically reached over for his guitar case which luckily appeared undamaged. He looked around at the bright blue room they were in and rubbed at his aching head. "Oh, never mind. Okay kid, now take a deep breath and don't panic but, well, you're not on Earth anymore."

"What? Then where are we?" The girl Martha shouted standing on her feet. "You're supposed to be getting us back to the present not into space! And what were those spider things that seemed to hate you so much, you never explained." She asked putting her hands on her hips in an annoyed manner.

"Spiders?" David asked dazedly as the man held up his hands in a defensive manner.

"Calm down there, I told you I'd get things sorted and I will, this is just a bit of an erm hiccup." He stooped and looked around "Well, If I'm right, and I usually am with these sort of things, we're on Metebelis III where a very, very, _very_ long time ago I had a bit of a tiff with the psychic arachnid inhabitants. I guess they haven't quite forgiven me yet. This looks to be a prison cell where they probably plan on eating us in a bit." The girl Martha glared at him a little while longer before bending down to David's level and helping him up with a gentle smile.

"It's okay, don't worry. The Doctor may be a complete idiot but he'll get us out of this. What your name by the way?"

"My name, it's-it's David, David Jones I mean uh Bowie I'm David Bowie now." The stares he received were slightly unsettling. Martha even cupped her mouth with widened eyes. "I uh, I have a song out, you may have heard of it it's uh called _'Space Oddity'_. It was a pretty big hit, you know, a few months ago."

The Doctor hissed through his teeth with an eye roll. "Riiiiiiiiiiiight, 1969, bound to happen sooner or later. And of all people, I guess Bowie makes sense really. No surprise we didn't recognize him without all the er make-up and such. Blimey talk about making history." David blinked at onslaught of chatter.

"I'm sorry, what?" The Doctor grinned again, a calculated, slightly devious grin that made David feel even more uncomfortable. He looked around, this was completely mad, there was no way he was in space. Where were the spaceships and the little green men?

"Well I guess since you're now involved in this top secret project I should update you so long as you promise to keep it on the down low." He said in a low conspiratorial voice. "my name's not really the Doctor, that's just my code name to use with civilians. My real name is Ziggy Stardust and I am an alien from outer space acting as an ambassador on Earth with extraterrestrial life." Martha made a choking gasping sound in the background, David rolled his eyes.

"Aliens aren't real." The Doc- or Ziggy apparently, raised an amused eyebrow.

"Tell that to the owners of the planet you're standing on, good ole Metabelis III a long, long away from the Earth which is..." He paused and thought before pointing in a random direction. "about a couple of billion million thata way. Good luck getting a cab this far out."

"Meta- Metabell- Meta-belly-" David frowned as he struggled with the words and the man leaned down with a patronizing smile.

"Or Mars, you know Mars is a nice, short, recognizable name. Good name to put on an album cover. Probably should mention the spiders too, it's a nice touch."

"Ok, as much as I hate to break up… whatever this is. How are we going to escape I'd rather not be eaten by a bunch of space bugs." Martha interrupted. Ziggy rubbed his hands. "Arachnids Martha, now then Mr. Bowie, is your guitar undamaged? Because it just may be the thing that saves our skins." David shook his head and handed his guitar over to this…madman. Ziggy grabbed it and scanned it with a glowing torch looking thing that David had never seen. Huh, maybe he really was from space or whatever.

"The spiders of Mete- uh Mars are susceptible to intense psychic energy and with my sonic amplifying the guitar's sound waves we can cause the blue crystals, with their psychic properties to…" He strummed down on David's guitar causing the locks in the cage to explode and a horrendous screaming to sound from the giant spiders. Martha poked her head out of the cage while David stood with his mouth agape. Oh my god this was actually happening and he was-

"They're down, Doctor, which way? Come on David, we've got to go!" As Ziggy continued playing some gorgeous licks on his guitar, moving around the twitching and screaming spiders like it was nothing, David had a bit of a revelation. This would make an amazing song, no that's too small, an album, a career. "There's the teleport, come on kids, let's head on back to planet Earth!" Ziggy shouted pushing a button. One dizzying sensation later and David found himself lying face down in the same field as before. Ziggy handed him back his guitar which David reverently stared at as if it held the answer to all his prayers. And maybe it did. Ziggy cleared his throat startling David from his daze.

"Well now, lots of fun there. The spiders should stay away from the Earth after that little experience so, good job everyone, A+. Martha, let's get on back to compiling our data, we need to send Ms. Sparrow that message so she knows all about the Angels." Ziggy rambled on about something he didn't know before the alien man smiled at him reaching out to shake his hand. "Nice to meet you David, it really was a lark and remember, all this is on the down low." With one last grin the man ran off leaving Martha to chase after him.

David stood there for a long, long time after that, long enough for the sun to have sunk low in the sky and the stars to begin to twinkle up there in the sky. He sat there for a minute trying to figure what direction that planet had been in, oh what was it? Meta- Mana? Mars yeah Mars was much better. A smile slowly bloomed on his face, no one was ever going to believe him so why not make use of this? He thought of that wild-eyed, crazy haired genius alien and his pretty young friend, so floating so far above his dreary reality. A man from the stars, a _Starman_. He grinned at no one and began running to his house. He had an album to write after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please search Ziggy Stardust and tell me David Bowie didn't have a meeting with the Doctor. 10 and Martha met him while they were stranded in 1969.


	42. The First

It's strange that he'd never really given much thought to it before, not until right this moment but by then it was far too late for any speculation. Though he supposes, in his defense, that even if he worried himself sick on the subject of his eventual death and rebirth he would be no better off than he was now.

The First incarnation of the Doctor slumped to floor as his old and fragile heart began to slow down and finally stop it's steady beat for the first time in centuries. Regeneration, of course he knew about it, it was a fact of his people's biology but he himself had never undergone the process before.

His oldest friend Koschei, or the Master as he now called himself, had already undergone several regenerations. Before their friendship had fallen apart completely, the Doctor had put his hands on his friend's newly created chest and listened in awe to the sound of two brand new hearts working in tandem. What must that feel like? Well he'll find out soon enough.

He is lying on the floor as his vision fades as his old eyes slip shut for what would be the last time. He hears his human companions, Ben and Polly, around him panicking and fearing for the worst. _Is this how it's supposed to go?_ , he wonders as he feels his worn out body shutting itself down. He knew he risked some danger running from Gallifrey, not only from the innumerable perils but from a faulty regeneration. He was used to being in over his head in this new and crazy universe but for the first time that sense of the unknown terrified him.

It had been so very long since there had been regenerations outside of the Great Citadel of Gallifrey. There, everything was controlled from the safety of a good Zero Room with healers there every step of the way to ensure a smooth transition to the next body. Maybe this far from his home planet it just wasn't possible to regenerate and this breath would end up being his last. His grunted as his lungs stopped working, not long now.

This certainly didn't feel like it had been described in the countless classes he'd taken, the ones he'd attended anyway. It felt more like the end, like proper death had come for him. How could life possibly come from this decrepit old body? Oh he hopes this works like they taught at the Academy, he'd told Ben and Polly that he would take them back home to the Earth. And Susan, he'd promised his granddaughter that one day he would come back to her and he was determined to fulfill that promise. Besides there was still so much left for him to do; he'd only had the briefest taste of the universe, he couldn't leave it now when he'd only just begun.

Suddenly his body, which had steadily been getting colder as this incarnation died, grew blazingly hot. He wanted to gasp but he could no longer draw air. It felt like his core was burning, a stinging burn rushing through his veins to every single cell in his body delivering a pain unlike anything he'd ever experienced. No, this can't be right, living shouldn't hurt like this.

He wanted to cry out, he wanted to writhe in agony and ask forgiveness for whatever he did to deserve such torment but he couldn't speak, couldn't move against the onslaught. He lay there motionless on the floor while his insides flamed and were torn apart cell by cell to be remade. He no longer had control of his body, the energy did, the energy which would save him but at the same time change him. Give him a new face and a new body with two hearts and a whole new perspective on life. He was absolutely terrified, he didn't want to go.

Though his eyes were closed, he desperately wanted them to open so he could see his impossible and beautiful ship one that time with these pale blue eyes. The eyes that had once judged the mighty Time Lords of Gallifrey and seen the most wonderful sights in the universe. The eyes that belonged to the father of his children and the grandfather of his children's children. Susan dear, please, help your old, foolish grandfather, just this one last time. Please... Just a little more-

And then he was gone, he felt that old man leave and another one step forward to take his place. He felt his mind rearrange as every cell in his body died and came back to life only in a slightly different manner. He felt the second heart grow in that spacious spot in his left chest and begin to beat in time with the other where it would do so for the rest of his days.

There was an unseen jolt that went through him as his whole body started up again as if a flip had been switched and what was dead was suddenly alive again. So the Doctor gasped, breathed with brand new lungs and opened his new eyes for the first time. _Regeneration_ , he thought, _wasn't that bad_ as he jumped to his feet and gleefully began to analyze his new, younger form. Oh this was wonderful! What had he been worrying about, this was quite the improvement over that old codger!

That is until he looked in the mirror and for a split second, saw that bitter and terribly kind old man with his white hair and twinkling blue eyes. And then he blinked and a short, dark haired fellow was in his place and he realized what they never told you at the Academy. That life does indeed come out of death for the Time Lords but that there was still a death as the cost for new life and one day this new body would also cry out in fear as he was overtaken.


	43. Always Here to Me

"You're not flying it right," the Doctor sighed as his wife appeared with an exasperated expression on her face but the slight curve of her lips gave her away. He huffed in her direction, making sure to keep his voice down; there were humans on board after all.

"I'm flying it perfectly, see, it's fine. I mean it's not like you could fly it any better." She smirked at him and folded her arms over her chest.

"Oh I know I can." The ship lurched all of a sudden causing the Doctor to pinwheel his arms to keep upright before rushing back to the console and pulling a few levers. "Come on now, you did that on purpose!" He said scolding his time machine, "I didn't even touch anything." He bemoaned as he put his elbows on the machine and listened to his ship moan at him unhappily. Yes he knew that she was concerned for him but it was fine, everything was alright when his lovely wife was here. He looked over to see her not so subtly grinning. He found himself grinning back.

"Shut up you." She wandered over and leaned her back against the coral giving him a flirtatious smile.

"Why don't you make me big ears?"

"Yeah, well maybe I will."

"Maybe you'll what, Doctor?" He turned to see Rose come into the control room with a naïve little expression of mischievousness on her face. "Are you trying to make a move on me 'cause at 900 years old I think my mum would have a bit of a problem with that."

"No, it's fine, it's nothing. I was just-just talking to myself." He said quietly before turning to her in a bitter, biting tone. "I thought you were going to bed." She jerked a little at his harsh tone and sniffed.

"Yeah, I was, just popped out for a drink of water and ended up here. Don't worry, I'll be sure to leave you to your stupid ship, see ya." She said edgily not quite stomping out of the room. He would've gone after her to apologize but he instead turned his head to the spot where his bride had been not a moment before only to find the space empty, just like it always was. He sighed and hung his head while the TARDIS dimmed her lights.

"I know Old Girl, but I-" he never finished that sentence and just stood there listening to the sound of the time rotor pulsing up and down for who knows how long.

**XXXXXXXXX**

"She was beautiful," his wife started quietly sitting on her knees atop the grating while he worked underneath the TARDIS. He didn't say anything, partially because the sonic was in his mouth but mostly because he was too grief stricken about Jenny to speak. Not to a human anyway. "She looked like you, well maybe not this you but a body from way back when. The Fifth one I think, I always liked that one, he was so kind." He made a sort of grunting noise in the back of his throat that may have been either an acknowledgment or a desire to burst into tears. They sat in silence for another few minutes before her head poked down the hole causing elegant chestnut waves to hang over him.

"You really should talk to someone, your friend Donna will help you get through this if only you'd let her. You can't just bottle this grief up like you did with the rest of the Time Lords; you know what that does to you my love. You need people around you to keep you grounded or-" He took the sonic out of his mouth.

"I'm talking to you, aren't I?" He replied cutting her off. She sighed sadly and looked down at her hands.

"Such a shame," she whispered, "she was such a lovely girl. She would've been so good for you." The Doctor gripped the grating beneath to keep his hands from shaking. She was right; his daughter of only a few hours had been wonderful and he'd never had a chance to tell her and now that chance would never come again. He'd been too busy trying not to love her, trying to block out all those painful memories because he knew it would only end in heartbreak. It always did.

"She was beautiful like you were." He said thickly and they slipped back into silence until Donna came in an hour or so later with a cup of tea as she tried once again to get him to talk to her. She plopped down near where his wife sat though Donna couldn't possibly know that.

"It's just not right just pretending it didn't happen Doctor. She was your daughter, I can't imagine what you're feeling but I can tell you that this isn't healthy. Please Doctor, please just talk to me. I want to help you and you can't just keep shutting me out like this. I only want to help you Doctor, you can't do this alone." The Doctor didn't reply and after a bit longer trying to convince him, Donna huffed to herself and left leaving behind the cold tea. The Doctor, meanwhile, continued to fiddle with his machine and after awhile reached his hand up through the grating.

"My love, would you hand me that doohickey over there?" He asked patiently, his hand extended but the tool was not magically placed there by soft hands and he was forced to crawl up and grab it himself. He tried to tell himself that it wasn't the end of the world only to remember that it was.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"No, no, no you don't understand, this is my ship. I am the captain so to speak and I will not have you bossing me around. I don't want to argue with you, I hate arguing with you." Amy raised an eyebrow at the sound of the Doctor hissing under his breath from down the hall. It almost sounded like he was having an argument with someone but River was right here and Rory was still cooped up with a bad cold.

"What's that all about?" She asked moving a little quicker to try and see who else was aboard the ship that the Doctor was talking to. It was always interesting to see the Doctor's friends; they always managed to show a whole new side to the mad man she thought she knew so well. She turned to her daughter expecting to see an identical look of mischievousness and curiosity only to find her pale and expressionless.

"Amy, come with me, we need to leave the Doctor alone right now." She whispered harshly in manner that set Amy on edge. River only used that tone when there was danger; Amy looked over her shoulder where she could still hear her friend arguing with someone. But what did she have to fear from the Doctor? "Now Mother." Amy slowly backed up and River grabbed her hand and quickly pulled her in the direction away from the Doctor. Amy felt her nervousness build at River's tense expression.

"What's so bad about the Doctor talking to someone? I mean, it's pretty rude he hasn't introduced us…"

"Mother, there's nobody there. The Doctor was alone." Amy blinked and shook her head.

"No, but he was talking, we both heard him. What do you mean he was-" they were now far enough away that they could no longer hear him and River stopped suddenly turning to Amy with a tight frown.

"The Doctor has never coped well with loneliness; it... does things to him, makes him forget the important things and lets him drown in his self-loathing. He cares for you Amy, you and Rory and he's trying to spread out your time with him so he can hold onto you longer. So while only a few months may have passed for you since you last saw him, it may have years, decades even, since he saw you."

Amy frowned, yes, she knew all this. She didn't like it but for a man who lived as long as the Doctor did it was understandable. "Yeah, so? What's that got to do with him now?" River looked away.

"When he goes long stretches between seeing people, he-he turns to other means of comfort. He's had many loved ones over the years and he'll seek them out sometimes, even, well even if they're not really there." Amy gasped lightly in understanding and River nodded sadly still not looking at her. "I walked in on him one time, long, long time ago, when he was talking well- to his wife, the one before me I mean. I had thought he had been referring to me so I played along and he became furious. He made it clear that I was unwelcome and practically threw me out." River brought her hands up to rub her forearms. "I saw him a few hours later, acting just as fine as could be, he never even mentioned it."

"Oh my God." Amy said harshly not sure whether to feel angry for her daughter's sake or pity for her friend's. River smiled slightly and reached over to link arms with Amy leading her away.

"There's nothing you can do, all you can do is be with him while you can. You're good for him; you keep him rooted in the present. I'm just afraid one day, there will be no one here to remind him and he'll get so caught up in his little fantasy that he'll actually believe it and his reality will just…" River trailed off and Amy repressed a shiver clutching her daughter tighter.

"But he'll be fine, he's the Doctor, he's always fine." She said weakly to herself and River hummed.

"Yes he does say that a lot, doesn't he? Now come on, I'm sure Dad could use some company, let's go fetch him a cuppa." Meanwhile down the hall and to the right, the Doctor was laughing.

"Come on dear, you know I didn't mean it." He said playfully to his wife's turned back trying to get back into her good graces. He so hated it when they argued, especially over stupid things like that silly war. He was sick and tired of talking about that old thing and he doesn't know why she's always bringing it up.

"Doctor, please," she said quietly looking over her shoulder at him. "Please go to them, they're right there. You need them, this isn't good for you and you know it. It's killing you bit by bit and I'm sorry my love but I won't be the death of you as much as you'd like that." The Doctor sighed with no small amount of frustration, why did it always come back to this?

"Well why do I need them when I have you?" he growled irritably as he reached out for her, the ship took that moment to hum angrily and he looked to the ceiling to chastise her. As soon as he turned back she was gone as she always was, gone back to the dark corner of his mind where she stayed until he was so desperately for company that he called her up. He growled to himself as he stood alone in the hallway.

She was right of course, she was always right. But he thought about what she said; the Ponds were just down the hall probably with Rory at this point. He could just walk on in, smile and laugh and try and think of crazy and elaborate ways to get the nurse up and moving again. Yes, he certainly could do that. He could talk to real, _living_ people and interact and be happy. Instead he turned on his heels and quietly walked to his room where he shut the door and cut out the rest of the universe.


	44. Things Unsaid

He had to do it sometime. Well actually no, he really didn't. The TARDIS was infinite after all so what was one more room that was empty and tucked away somewhere he couldn't see? He could just sort of put it aside and let it sit there and then he wouldn't have to deal with this. Except if he didn't do this now, didn't go and straighten up that room and put away that boy's things the Fifth Doctor might just sit and wait for Adric to return home for the rest of his very long life.

He stood outside the door now trying to find the courage to do what he had to, no matter how much it hurt. He'd given Nyssa and Tegan a day at a very luxurious spa to help them cope with their grief and this is what he had to do to deal with his. The door, appropriately enough, had a star on it which bore the boy's name in his native language. It was a largely unnecessary gesture but it had connected Adric to his own culture in E-Space and given him a sense of belonging.

With closed eyes and a frown, the Doctor found the courage to push open the door and find the state of the room exactly as the boy had left it when they'd been arguing earlier in the week. Rassilon had it only been a few days since he'd been gone? It seemed like longer. There were some pajamas lying on the floor which the Doctor picked up and folded before setting on the floor as if waiting to be put on. He took a strangled breath and brought his hand to his eyes as the boy's familiar scent began to overwhelm him.

They'd been through a lot together, he and Adric. Well he'd been a different man when they'd first met, literally. He'd been capricious and zany and he'd taken a shine to the know-it-all stowaway from another universe. Romana had been there as well and they'd had this nice little family dynamic going on. He supposes that's where things started going downhill, when Romana left. Her departure had devastated more than he'd ever care to admit and he might have acted a bit coolly to the child who looked to him for care and guidance.

The Doctor ran his fingers over the nightstand next to the bed, there was a half-eaten snack bar and it caused him to smile a little. That boy was always eating something, the Doctor used to chastise him for it but it had been a terribly long time since the Doctor was that young. It made him burn with shame to admit that he had forgotten about the bottomless pit that was a growing boy.

Even after he'd regenerated into this body he never quite gave Adric what he needed. A boy like that, bold and brilliant, needed constant attention and kindness in order to reach his true potential. After all, hadn't he as a boy wished that some of his elders would sit down with him and help him through his problems? But then Tegan had arrived and was so frustrated and scared that he had to devote so much time to keeping her happy and calm. And sweet Nyssa joined too after the destruction of Traken which had left her the last of her kind. So could the Doctor really be blamed for giving the two girls more attention than a boy?

Of course he could because it had been plain to see that Adric had been suffering to; he was neglected and rebuked by the people who were supposed to be his family. The Doctor fawned over Nyssa about Traken but it was so easy to forget that Adric was all alone in this universe as well. They were all he had and more often than not, they let him down. No wonder the boy misbehaved so much; he himself had caused trouble at the Academy if only to get people to notice him. Negative attention is better than no attention at all. It broke his hearts just to think about it and, worse yet, now that they had realized what they had been doing Adric was dead and gone. Anything he could have and should have said to that boy will now forever be left hanging in the empty room.

He kneeled down and put his head in his hands as suddenly the finality of the room became too much for him. He had children of his own back on Gallifrey, children he loved more than anything and now it felt like he'd lost one of them. This little mix-matched family of his and he'd let one of them succumb to death while he could do nothing. His poor boy, never quite good enough for anyone.

He discreetly wiped at his eyes and stood up. Well there wasn't anything he could for Adric at this point but honor his memory and move on. He was a stubborn, contrary boy, why if he was here he'd call the Doctor foolish for getting so caught up sentimentality when there were other things to be doing. He rolled his eyes, his stupid, wonderful boy. He sure was going to miss him.

The Doctor continued around, putting things away and cleaning up the room that would never again be occupied. He wasn't sure he had the heart to delete it all together but putting everything away gave a sense of finality to the situation. Maybe one day he'll even come to forgive himself though he's not sure what'll he'll have become if he does.

He smiled a little bit as he pushed the last drawer shut making the room as clean as it would ever get. There wasn't much else for him to do in here but he couldn't quite get himself to leave. He knew the moment he stepped outside that door he would never come back. So instead he wandered over to the bed and pulled something very familiar out of his pocket. He gripped the broken gold star badge which he had used to destroy a Cyberman. Adric would have been proud of that if anything else. He set the broken pieces on the bed in place of it's owner and he clasped his hands in front of him.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly not quite able to look at the empty bed. "I should have been there for you, not just on the spaceship but before. I wasn't fair to you, I never gave you the attention you needed and I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do but I guess we didn't understand until it was too late." He stopped for a minute to collect himself. "You were brilliant Adric, I knew that right from the start and I always cared for you even if I didn't always show it. You were, well you were like a son to me. I know that doesn't do you much good right now, but-but I love you Adric, I always will." He sniffed lightly and put on a light smile.

"So you be good, you get your rest and do all the maths that your heart desires. You were very brave and your sacrifice will not have been in vain. And one day, one day I'll see you again and I'll be able to tell you properly what I should have said before. Take care son." Unable to take it anymore, the Doctor turned and stalked out of the room and leaned heavily against the door sliding down until he was on the floor.

He'd lost people before, good people who he cared for. But this was different this was the first child he'd let die, the first companion who he had known and cared for was dead because of him. He would move on of course, he had to, but he would always be a little bit broken because of the boy with the golden star on his chest.

**XXXXX**

He was dying, he was fairly sure of that but one never knows. It was strange, this didn't quite feel like all of his other deaths and the slow feeling of slipping away made him fear that this time he might not regenerate. He smiled a little as Peri pulled herself off the floor and came over to him. But even if this was it, he could be at peace knowing that Peri would be ok. The TARDIS would certainly take her home and he wouldn't have the death of another child on his mind.

"Don't give up! You can't leave me now!" she said coming up close to him and starting to cry a little bit. He tried to smile but found he couldn't, he could barely even breathe now.

"Going soon. It's time to say goodbye. I might regenerate... I don't know... feels different this time..." he said as suddenly he saw Tegan. Kind Tegan who had left because she was afraid of what he had become and Nyssa who he'd loved like a daughter from the moment he saw her. Turlough too, still infuriating but with a noble heart the Doctor had admired. And then Adric was there and the Doctor wanted to cry with relief.

"Adric?" he whispered quietly. He was ok, look at him, look at his boy, fine and wonderful. He had missed him so much and now he had come to lead the Doctor where he ought the go. There were so many things he wanted to say to him, to apologize first off and then to tell him how much he'd cared for him but Adric merely rolled his eyes and held out a hand.

'It's alright Doctor, I know, I've always known. Now come on.' The Doctor smiled and took the boy's hand feeling a brush as his next incarnation took control and just like that he was gone. But he smiled down at Adric, who despite all that had happened between them had come for him in the end. 'I heard you Doctor and I forgive you.' The Doctor smiled at that and slowly the Fifth Doctor and Adric made their way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adric's death and treatment will never upset me and Fivey's last words being Adric will always open up the waterworks


	45. Play

"Doctor I'm bored," Peri moaned folding her arms and leaning on the table to glare lightly at the chessboard in front of her. "Do we have to do this? Can't we go somewhere and actually do fun things? Like a beach, I haven't been to a nice beach in forever." The Sixth Doctor huffed as he moved his rook over and he straightened his coat.

"Really Perpugilliam, chess happens to be a very exciting and engaging game. When you asked for something to do, I thought I was really treating you by pulling out this old board. I guess I mistook you for a cultured and intelligent individual." Peri growled and, still slumped on the table, pushed her queen a couple of spaces to the right. The Doctor raised an unamused eyebrow and turned away from her in frustration.

"Well now Ms. Brown! If you're going to purposely lose the game we might as well not play at all!" Peri huffed and sat up resting her chin in her hands as she rolled her eyes up to her companion.

"What are you talking about? That was a perfectly legitimate move. I'm moving my queen up not only to advance across the board and gain better territory but also to defend my king, rook and uh the horse one." The Doctor huffed again and toyed with her queen.

"Knight, Peri, it's called a knight. And you just left your queen wide open for my rook to take. With your queen gone your offence is as good as gone and the game will be mine in less than 6 moves." Peri smirked, a sly little thing that made the Doctor nervous. She leaned forward.

"Alright Doctor, go ahead, take my queen. I bet you'll just love the results." The Doctor froze over his rook and his eyes went back to the board. No, no he couldn't have missed anything. The take was legitimate and there was nothing she could do to prevent the queen's capture and inevitable mate.

He frowned as he leaned closer to look at the board. He was a Time Lord for Rassilon's sake! There was no way a young human girl, _an American_ , could outwit in the game his own people created. He scoured the board going through all the possible moves she could legally make and came up empty handed. He looked up to see Peri still with the light smirk on her face.

"You're bluffing," he said unhappy with the light ring of doubt that sounded in his voice. She had to be bluffing; there was no other moves she could make. But that smile was still there…

"Well then, if I'm bluffing then make your move and finish me off. I dare you." At that the Doctor reached out and grabbed one of his pawns moving it forward leaving Peri's queen safe for the time being. Peri smirked at that and moved her queen over and out of the rook's reach. The game continued on for a little while longer but the Doctor was still fuming over that supposed move. Finally, the game ended in the Doctor's victory-as it always did- but he had gone nearly beet red with frustration thinking over that blasted plan of hers.

"What are you thinking Peri? What move did you have planned? What evil scheme did I foil by moving my pawn instead? You must tell me or I promise I will never take you to another beach as long as I-" at this point Peri whose smirk kept widening until she burst out laughing doubling over and spilling a few chess pieces on the ground. The anger went out of the Doctor as he watched his companion collapse in a fit of giggles. "-live." He gamely, "now what's so funny young lady? What did I do this time?"

Peri looked up at him and wiped her eyes. "You are so easy to play you know that? It's amazing you're able to outwit your enemies, I could take you down in 10 seconds flat." She kept on grinning and rested her elbows on the table. "I had no moves, I just let you think I did and you totally fell for it you great big dumbo. Ha, some Time Lord you are letting me fool you." She continued to cackle and the Doctor felt a bit of annoyed amusement rise within him. Oh so he thought she was clever eh?

"Oh is that it Ms. Perpugilliam Brown, well you know what I think?" He said angrily raising to his full height as she lazily watched him showing no sign of fear. But not for long, he grinned wickedly and assaulted her in a flurry of tickles. "I think that you are cad, an absolute disgrace to all women with your outrageously devious behavior."

He took pleasure in the sounds of her shrieks as he tickled her ribcage laughing even more when she tilted right out of her chair and into his waiting arms. "Why I'll never play chess with you again you lying cheat! I ought to tie you up and take you to Temril, the planet of the purple frog people, how would you like that? I bet they'd love to play chess with you."

Peri of course had to retaliate and grabbed at his coat distracting him enough for her to grab one the dislodged pieces, his king he thinks it was, and chuck it at his chest. The action startled him causing him to take a step back while Peri stepped forward and turned his own tactic on him, running her tiny little fingers over his waistcoat causing him to produce a very un-Time Lordy sound. In his haste to get away he ended up tripping over the board causing the both of them to tumble to the ground and the board and all the pieces to go flying everywhere.

The TARDIS hummed affectionately, as a mother might do to rambunctious young children while they wrestled on the ground for a bit longer before collapsing next to each other, their laughter resounding through the old ship. Peri coughed a couple of times and continued to laugh.

"Ow jeez I think I'm sitting on a bishop, you sure are a sore loser." She said between giggles while he himself rubbed his head after he knocked himself on the board during their tumble. He poked at her causing to swat her arm at him.

"I only did it because you were cheating."

"I was not cheating! Bluffing is totally in the rules you stupid head!" She grinned and they sat, staring at the blank ceiling of the TARDIS for a while in comfortable silence. He hummed as a rare feeling of warmth and contentment overcame him.

"You were right you know," he said with a light but serious tone. "If you ever turned against me I would helpless. I defeat my enemies not only because they can't guess my moves but because I know better than to trust them. You are my best friend Peri and I will always trust your word, no matter what. I'm not sure if that makes me strong or weak." Peri was silent for a moment before snorting.

"I don't know about strong or weak but it sure makes you a pretty lousy chess player." She sat up and grinned down at him. "Ready to play again?" He let out a haughty bark.

"Oh so now we want to play chess, what ever happened to the beach Ms. Brown?"

"The beach will still be there later, now I know I stand half a chance of beating you."

"But have you ever considered that I am bluffing in an attempt to keep you here playing my favorite game instead of gallivanting around in a scandalous outfit?"

"Shut up and set up the board, I'm playing white this time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> six and peri are soooo cute and i love writing them


	46. Heal Thy Self

The man who despite everything was still the Doctor closed the door of his TARDIS with a lovely smile on his aged face. He looked to the ceiling of his beautiful machine that he loved more than anything and watched the lights dance happily on his old but spirited ship. He grinned up at her. She knew, she'd always known that he was coming to this, knew that one day the pains of this incarnation would be healed and he would be granted absolution. All the times he was in turmoil over whether or not he was acting in the name of peace and she knew that one day his work would bear the sweetest of fruits. He held no grudges against his ship, the timelines had to be preserved and all and besides that, he was still too elated to think of anything else but the joy coursing through him. He knew this feeling would disappear, very shortly now, but in the end he knew it was for the best as he'd one day remember his greatest triumph.

Except one thing, there was one thing out of this whole adventure that he wished he could retain.

He _was_ the Doctor again and, more to the point, he had never stopped being the Doctor. He may have forgotten that fact for a little bit, very nearly threw away the title completely but he was truly and surely the Doctor. He'd done some things during the war that he wasn't proud of but nothing compared to what he'd almost done. He gripped his hands, healer's hands, and smiled brightly. He was only mildly surprised to see them start to glow in a very familiar manner. He had lived a long time in this body, long agonizing years of war and death and he wouldn't be sad to see it go.

He leaned his head back and smiled as the energy built up around him and began to consume him. As the energy took over and the TARDIS began her flight to who knows where he could feel, little by little, his last adventure being purged from his mind. He saw the Bad Wolf girl fade out (but maybe not completely), the Zygon plot to steal the Earth became nothing but empty space, Spunky Clara Oswald and her kind, sympathetic eyes disappeared and even that skinny, scruffy Doctor and the young old Doctor became mere dreams to be revisited later.

He was sad to see those things go but he knew that they never really left, there were always there in the back of his silly old head waiting for the time when they would become his reality once more.

No matter what he believed, for now he could be content with the knowledge that Gallifrey had been spared the cruel fate he had almost brought down upon her. For now he could remember that he upheld the promise he'd made long ago. There were young Gallifreyan children who would live to see the twin sins rise again and that beautiful and insufferable society he had loved and hated would continue on as it should.

That terrible, staining blood was off of his hands and he _was_ the Doctor and he had always been the Doctor.

He wished that he could remember that, so that in the dark times ahead he could recall when he had changed the fates and surpassed the most insurmountable of obstacles. That one brilliant shining moment when he had well and truly been a Doctor to the entire universe, healing it and ensuring that no one had suffered at his hand. He breathed in deep and that grumpy but silly old man faded forever from this life in a burst of gold.

But as the new face took over, that beautiful moment of triumph left with that Warrior-Doctor and in place of all the joy and love and relief there was only anger and regret to take it's place. As the golden energy died down and the tenth body of the Doctor arrived into the universe already cursing himself and the crimes he believed he had committed. He would push that hated man deep into his memory and nearly forget about him altogether in his self-loathing. But as the man who would claim the Doctor title for the Ninth time settled into his new reality, the War Doctor went onto his well-deserved reward.

The man who was born a Warrior and died a Doctor smiled as he was greeted by his others personalities within his mind. He told them of red grass and silver trees and how he had managed to save all of that beauty despite the staggering odds. The one he had replaced on Karn came up to him warmly and together they reassumed the title they both had thought lost.

His other incarnations came up and congratulated him on upholding the title during the worst of times and seeing that the legacy of the Doctor could continue on. So he settled into his new existence not minding that, to the new Doctor, he wasn't even worth acknowledging. He knew that one day, everything would be made clear so he was content. After a lifetime of searching, the Doctor who everyone forgot about had found his way home.


	47. School

There were times, like now for instance, when Susan seriously regretted her rather hasty decision to run away from Gallifrey with her Grandfather. At the time, all she'd thought about was the adventure and the chance to see things she'd never get to see stuck on that old planet. But it had been a few years now and she was beginning to understand the consequences more acutely.

The first time she'd gotten homesick, thought of her friends and family and the grassy red hills of her Grandfather's estate, it really came to her that she may never see those wonderful things again. She remembered quietly excusing herself and going back to her room for a good long cry. Grandfather had probably suspected what was bothering her but there was little he could do at this point. What's done was done, they were now homeless renegades until their planet's laws allowed them back and who knows when that could be?

She discreetly wiped her eyes hoping that nobody had noticed her moment of weakness. It had gotten a bit stuffy on the ship so she'd decided to step outside for some air. Grandfather didn't like her wandering outside the TARDIS for too long alone but they were only on Sol 3, an incredibly primitive and quiet little planet on the edge of the universe. Susan couldn't imagine what could possibly happen here. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of life around her: the birds chirping as they settled in their nests, the sounds of wheeled vehicles driving past, even the sounds of fellow humanoids breathing around her was strangely relaxing.

Susan felt she could spend some time here; thus far this had been the only planet to truly fascinate her. The humans were far behind the Time Lords in so many ways but as time passed she started to realize that they were more advanced then Grandfather gave them credit for.

"Oi! Girly! Hold up, I need to ask you a question." Susan heard the voice coming quickly behind her but she ignored it assuming the human wasn't talking to her. She was thus taken completely by surprise as the other girl yanked on her shoulder to stop her from walking.

Humans had a notable tendency toward violence and Susan froze in fear of the attack. "Are you deaf girl? I wanted to ask you a question about…school…." The girl seemed to final notice Susan's stricken expression and let her go, taking a quick step back. "Hey I'm sorry, did I scare you?" Not sure what else to do Susan quickly shook her head and the girl smiled again and started talking again.

"Right, so do you have notes from Professor Wright's class? I cut out today 'cause my boyfriend was in town and I know we got that test coming up. Could I just borrow them for the night? I'll give them back tomorrow morning I promise; I'll meet 'ya outside the front gates." Susan blinked taking a quick, cautionary step back away from the girl who, despite their similar appearances, was most likely much younger than Susan herself.

"I'm-I'm sorry; I do not understand what you want. You want notations? What do you need them for, are there challenges you must pass with these notations?" She asked quietly but with an edge of curiosity. What a curious society they had found themselves in, she hoped this girl would tell her more. The other girl merely raised an eyebrow and began to snicker. Feeling that any danger had passed, Susan smiled back.

"You're real funny you know that? So I'm guessing you don't go to Coal Hill High School then?" Susan shook her head again. "Oh man I'm sorry, I've just seen you walking past there so I just sort of assumed. My name is Becky, what's yours?" Becky asked genially, extending out her hand. Susan beamed, she knew this one, she saw some young people doing it the other day. She raised her hand and spread her fingers.

" _High five_." The other girl, Becky, snickered again before mimicking Susan's action. "I am Susan, I live with my Grandfather down the road."

"Ah, so where do you go to school? I'm assuming not around here judging by your-" Becky paused as if considering something, "excitement." Susan wrinkled her brow in thought. Yes she knew of schooling at the Time Lord Academy but she hadn't been there for very long before she and Grandfather had fled.

But from what she had observed, the schooling on Earth was much different from what she knew. She saw the young humans laughing and interacting with one another walking to and from the building lugging heavy books. The whole concept seemed to be terribly arduous but it was probably necessary in such a technologically deficient environment.

"I do not attend school here; I am travelling with my Grandfather. I did attend an Academy for a period at home." Susan's face fell just thinking about that beautiful planet. Sometimes she just missed it so much, she wondered if Grandfather ever felt the same but, then again, he'd had centuries to appreciate it while she did not. Becky smiled sympathetically and patted Susan on the arm like Grandfather occasionally did.

"Feeling homesick huh? I understand, I've only been here for a couple years but sometimes I still miss my old home, you know? I mean I like it here and it's cool seeing new things but you miss what you know. It's scary when things get too different." Susan gaped at the human girl, how could she understand? Susan was incredibly impressed at how well the human had read and reflected back her feelings. Susan smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes, yes, exactly, Yes I miss Gallifrey so much sometimes that I feel that my heart will burst." Becky smiled.

"Gallifrey? Is that in Ireland? You being Irish though makes sense… Anyway, if you and your Granddad are going to stick around for a bit you'll need to attend school. You should come to Coal, the work's a bit hard at times but we know how to have fun. Don't worry, I'll show you the ropes." Susan cocked her head in curiosity.

"Oh so you use ropes at your school as well, what do you use them for? Is this where the challenging notation comes in?" Becky started to laugh again and gently slapped Susan's shoulder as she started to walk away. Susan was almost sad to see her leave.

"You're funny Susan, hey; I'll see you around, okay? I think you'd do fine at Coal Hill, heck maybe you could even help me pass Professor Wright's history class. Alright, bye!" With that said, Becky ran back off into the street; presumably to look for more notations. Susan watched her go until she was out of sight. She looked down and began twiddling with her thumbs in a manner that would've gotten her punished at the Academy.

But she wasn't at the Academy anymore, she was free. She could do whatever she wanted, she could giggle at jokes, she could actually ask questions, why she could even curse Rassilon's name! Yes there were still a great many things she missed from her home but maybe she could find a new home here where things were a bit more fun. Feeling much better, Susan began the walk back to the junkyard where her Grandfather was still probably fiddling with their TARDIS.

She almost hoped that it was still broken; she wanted to explore this quaint little world a little longer, maybe even join Becky and other young humans at school. It would certainly do to relieve her boredom and she just might learn a thing or two from these clever creatures. Or better yet, she might finally find a home again, one which would embrace her for all of her oddities.


	48. Family Comedy

The Doctor, or rather the Tenth incarnation of the Doctor, was in a very curious situation. While it wasn't like he'd _never_ run into past versions of himself, the timing of this one was pretty rubbish. Martha had just left, the Master nearly destroyed everything -again- and well he had forgotten how grumpy celery boy could be. But still, they'd done good together, saved the universe from a Belgium sized explosion and all was well for the time being. So now it was time to say goodbye to the outdated model of the Doctor and send him back to all those loud-mouthed companions of his.

"To the days to come." The Fifth Doctor, you know just to keep things simple, said with a gentle smile.

"All my love to long ago." The newest or Tenth Doctor grinned back. So timey wimey-ness was all sorted and the universe could now fold back into it's usual pattern. Except that just then the TARDIS door opened, _in the middle of deep space might he add_ , and a little blonde haired girl walked in. She was holding a tiny doll of him in her hand. The Tenth Doctor blinked, what? Just what?

"Daddy!" She squealed and ran to him, gripping his pinstriped pants with grubby fingers. "Mummy says you and Granddad have to come in now." She grinned in a most adorable way. The Tenth Doctor chuckled awkwardly because he didn't really know what else to do and bent down to her level.

"Hello sweetheart and what would your name be and-" he looked over at the TARDIS door which was now closed. "And where did you come from, my dear?" She smiled again and put the doll version of his head in her mouth. He couldn't help but grimace a bit, that couldn't be sanitary.

"I'm Olive Tennant, I came from the house. Mummy says you and Granddad need to stop playing doctor and come in for dinner." The older Doctor, good ole Fivey, bent down next to him and gently set his hand on her light blonde hair.

"What do you mean by Grandad dearest? And how can I be your Granddad and he be your dad, we're the same man believe it or not." The girl looked at them blankly still gnawing thoughtfully on her doll's head. "Ok how about this, where is your mummy? Surely she knows what's going on?"

"Mummy said I needed to tell you to stop playing." The Tenth Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Olive was it? Yes, we're not playing; in fact we are the Doctor. Different versions the same man, a renegade from Gallifrey who travels around in a bigger-on-the-inside Police Box." His Fifth self smiled at the girl and lovingly stroked her head.

"The Doctor is a legend, a wanderer who stops injustice wherever he may find it, helping the weak and the underprivileged fight for their freedom and saving the universe from perils unbound. Truly there is no greater adventure to be had than running with the Doctor." The two Doctors grinned at each other, bound by centuries of shared memories and hearts that loved every minute of their journey. The beautiful moment was interrupted by an exasperated woman walking through the door. Seriously _what_?

"Honestly Dad, I expect this sort of behavior from David but this is getting ridiculous. You had better not be giving Olive the 'greatest adventure to be had' speech again. Goodness what am I going to do with you two?" The Tenth Doctor felt the air leave his lungs, no it couldn't be, she was-she was dead.

"Jenny?" He asked in a harsh whisper staggering to his feet as the woman walked over and scooped up the little girl who squealed happily. The Fifth Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"You know this woman?"

"She is- she was my daughter, but-but she died on Messaline trying to unite the humans and the Hath." The Fifth Doctor frowned in confusion looking between the woman and him.

"But I thought she was your daughter, they can't _both_ be your daughter." He noted, pointing to little Olive who had now completely bitten the head off the doll. The Tenth Doctor shook his head as if it would clear it of all the crazy.

"No, this isn't right! What is going on here? How can you be here, Jenny? Who is this girl and what is her relation to us? And where did you two even come from? We're in the middle of space! Not somewhere you can just pop in and out of." Jenny sighed as if she were used to dealing with such behavior and shifted the girl in her arms.

"Ok, you know what? Fine, if two insist on finishing your little nostalgia tour then I'll let you. Olive and I will start dinner, I'll put something in the microwave for you two. Dad, please try to behave yourself. I don't want to hear any more complaints from the neighbors." With that, Jenny flipped her blonde hair and walked out the door. Olive looked over her shoulder and waved at the two Doctors.

"Bye Daddy, bye Granddad." As she spoke, the head of the doll she had bitten off dropped out of her mouth and clattered on the floor. The sound seemed to echo in the Tenth Doctor's head long after the doors had closed. He rubbed at his eyes, what had just happened? After a minute or three, the Fifth Doctor leaned over at him and said with a grin.

"I think I'm Olive's favorite Doctor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know, Olive Tennant is David Tennant's daughter with Georgia Moffat who is the daughter of Fifth Doctor Peter Davison (Georgia also played Jenny in the Doctor's Daughter O_o). Inspired by 2 separate stories, one was Georgia's son talking about his favorite Doctor (it was David and poor Peter was so upset!) and another a bit later in which Olive did bite off the head of a Tenth Doctor doll to which Peter declared that Fivey was his granddaughter's favorite...


	49. Mistaken Identity

The Eighth Doctor whistled lightly as he polished the columns within his TARDIS. He'd just finished up a wild and extremely dangerous adventure and decided that he would take a day off to relax and spend some time with his favorite time and space machine. He stooped down to rinse off his towel in a bucket of water before started lovingly scrubbing again.

The TARDIS didn't really need this as she was generally self-cleaning but it was relaxing and he knew his girl liked the attention. She purred happily and he smiled, all was well in the universe for the moment so he supposed he was happy too. His thoughts were interrupted by the TARDIS engines screeching suddenly. He dropped the towel and took a few steps back before running to the console and pressing several buttons.

"Hey there, calm down. What's wrong old girl? What's upset you now?" He yelped a bit himself as the room spun around. He tried to grip the console for support but was surprised to find that it wasn't there anymore. Instead he found himself sitting down; blinking away the stars as he angrily noted that he had once again been plucked away by the Time Lords and brought home to Gallifrey. He grumbled a bit as he settled more comfortably into the seat. He really needed to talk to Romana about these unwanted kidnappings, it was getting really old really- wait a moment was that the Valeyard?

"We meet at last, Doctor," the Valeyard paused to smirk malevolently as the lights came up to illuminate the high council of the Time Lords. "Are you ready to at last pay for innumerable crimes against the universe?" The Doctor blinked and rubbed at his eyes but still they remained. No but this-this couldn't be right.

"Um hello, yes pardon me, but I'm afraid you've got the wrong man." The Doctor paused awkwardly seeing everyone giving him blank stares. "Well actually the right man but from the wrong point in time. Easy enough to mistake I suppose." The Valeyard's smile fell and the Inquisitor leaned forward skeptically.

"You are the Doctor, correct? The renegade Time Lord who is being tried for interference?" She asked to which the Doctor nodded, wondering how this had happened.

"Well yes, but you see, I've already done this. I've already experienced this trial from my point of view, I defended myself against the ridiculous accusations of the Valeyard, a rather unscrupulous person from my er... nevermind. You'll be wanting the Sixth incarnation of the Doctor, the one with the crazy coat and the short temper, I'm the Eighth incarnation." As awkward as this was, the Doctor was rather enjoying the embarrassed looks on the face of the Time Lords and the Valeyard. He pursed his lips to prevent himself from laughing, oh he bet Charley would enjoy this story when he picked her up later.

So it would appear that a teleportation mistake had been made, well it had to happen sometime what with all those crazy Doctors running about.

"On the bright side," he shrugged jovially trying as always to see the positives. "Now you know the outcome of the trial seeing as I was not, in fact, found guilty of treason, killed and had my remaining regenerations harvested by this lunatic. Maybe you could just skip all that and save everyone the time and trouble, maybe go out for coffee instead?" The Valeyard growled and slammed his fist on the railing. Well, it had been worth a shot.

"Send this man back to his own time and get the proper Doctor here right this instant! I move to a recess in light of this new information to re-work my argument. This Doctor we see may only be an echo of a possible reality and the trial still may sway in favor of justice." The Doctor rolled his eyes, talk about contempt of the court. The Inquisitor, who somehow managed to look mildly more professional, agreed.

"Yes it seems we have made a bit of an error, we will postpone the trial by one day. The future Doctor will be sent back to his TARDIS and the younger Doctor will be detained in stasis until the trial resumes." The Doctor winced, that long in stasis? No wonder his head had been so foggy when his Sixth self had awoken to the trial. "Doctor we do apologize for the misunderstanding, have a pleasant rest of your day."

And just like that the Doctor was back in his ship, the wet cloth was still lying on the floor while his TARDIS whined at him. The Doctor rubbed at his head leaning against his ship. He almost wished that they hadn't sent him back so soon, he could have maybe saved lives back then. The people killed by the Valeyard and Peri… Maybe even Peri's life could have been spared. He took a deep breath and shook his head.

No it was not meant to be. Peri was long gone and so was that past, he stared up into his TARDIS contemplating those long ago days. While he shuddered to think of them in another strange way he missed them. He'd had some good times in that body and been loved by the best of friends. He shrugged, only way to go now was forward. He picked up his towel and began scrubbing at his TARDIS again. He certainly wasn't going to let the Time Lords ruin his day off.

**XXXXXX**

The Valeyard stomped down to the Matrix. No! The Doctor could not be allowed to live! He was to kill him and harvest his regenerations for himself! No he could not stand for that man to walk free! Maybe he needed to up the ante. He thought he could get the Doctor convicted on his actions alone but if another regeneration walked free… then maybe the Doctor's records needed altering. Maybe he could twist the actual events to make the Doctor's crimes seem worse than they were to ensure that the Doctor never left Gallifrey from his trial. The Valeyard smirked, tomorrow, yes tomorrow the Doctor will face his doom.

For real this time.


	50. A Clever Lie

He was crying now, she hated to see him cry. Her Doctor, her strong and caring husband who loved more than any being ever ought to. He ran his hands down the glass that separated them and would eventually lead to her death. She brought her hands up to his, meeting only the cool glass where she ought to feel his warm embrace.

"Hush now, don't give me that face, you'll be just fine." She said with a small smile watching as his fingers curled painfully on the glass. He paused, breathing harshly through a pain-filled expression for a moment before pounding once more on the glass that could withstand a full meson blast from a Dalek. He himself had helped design these barriers in order to help Time Lords escape. He knew it was impossible for her to pass.

"No, I will not leave you, not ever. I will get you out, I swear. I promised that I would protect you and I will get you out!" He shouted as he continued to pound on the glass until his hands became red.

"No, Doctor, stop it! You're hurting yourself, please just stop. I don't want to see this, not now." She said leaning her forehead against the glass where her husband's blood was streaked on the other side of the glass. This war had cost them all greatly; they had lost their home, their friends, their children… she couldn't stand to think of adding another weighted loss to her hearts. He stopped and let out a choking sob. Oh her sweet Doctor, she wished she could do something to comfort him.

"I can't-I can't lose you too, not after-not after…" He muttered and she rubbed her hands against the glass, at his pitiful expression and sighed sadly. Honestly, would she be any different were their situations reversed? Would she be able to remain calm as her love awaited certain death while she could not save him? But he would die if he stayed with her; one of a hundred different things could happen if he didn't leave for safety right now.

And he would. He was a stupid, stubborn man but a good one, too good, and he would stay with her until they both perished in this hellish war. She shook her head against the glass. No, not her Doctor, a man like him could afford to throw away his life for such a silly reason. He was so much more than that. So steeling herself, she told the first and last lie she would ever speak to her husband.

"Do you remember the Gardens of Elysium? How we ran? Or the time we were stranded on Arcadia?" He looked up at her, his grief momentarily overtaken by his confusion. His brow furrowed as he went through his incredible memory, he looked so innocent there as fires burned behind him. She would have laughed at his precious face if the situation weren't so dire.

The door at the end of the hall exploded behind her letting her know that her time was almost up. She choked back a frightened sob and stroked the glass lovingly, trying to make her lie convincing enough to the man who made his living on trickery. If she couldn't convince him now then he stood no chance of escape. "It's okay my love, I know you don't because you haven't done it yet."

"What?" He growled and gave a halfhearted pound against the glass in frustration. "No-no, what are you saying? Are you saying that you met me out of sequence? And you never bothered to mention it?" He gave a short, borderline hysterical, laugh "You waited until _now_ of all times to tell me?"

She bit her lip as she could hear the screech of the Daleks down the hall. She had less time than she thought and he was clearly not buying her story. She had to make it convincing, she had to make him believe that he would see her again or he'd never leave. She took a shaky breath and smiled at him.

"Yes, don't be mad but I met you from far, far in the future. You outlive this war darling; you have to because I remember seeing you in your silly outfit with coppery red hair and that ridiculous smile on your face. You'll see me again, it will all be ok." She knew that details made a lie more realistic, the clothes and the smile were easy. He always chose the craziest outfits-thank Rassilon he stopped wearing that ridiculous coat- and that lovely smile was always present on his face. But the hair...

He'd never been ginger before, but one of their daughters was… had been, the brightest shade she and the Doctor had loved to pet. The color of the red meadows before the fires had eaten them. He would like that, she thinks it would suit him. He was now staring at her with a gaping mouth and wide eyes; he closed his eyes and shook his head.

"No, that can't be-that's just not possible." She risked a quick head turn where the metallic shadows crept across the floor like a plague.

"You have to go. You need to live Doctor, you have to. I know it will be hard but you have to be there to meet me or we could cause a paradox. You had such old eyes then, that future you, so much pain and anguish but you survive and you move on. It will come don't worry, my love, and remember that I'm always here with you." She gave the glass a chaste kiss, wishing she could feel his lips just one last time.

"But I can't leave you." He moaned, her breath caught in her throat as she tried so hard to keep the tears at bay until he left as she knew he would. No matter how hard he tried, he could never refuse her for long.

"Please go my love; I don't want you to see this. I love you, Doctor." She whispered harshly. After a long and terrible moment of hesitation, he backed away from the glass and she fought down the cowardly desire to cry and ask him to stay with her.

She was already dead; she wouldn't deny him his chance at life.

"I love you." He choked, "I will wait until the end of time itself for you, I promise. I will always wait." And with that, he was gone. The corridor was empty as the Daleks were almost upon her. She had a few precious breaths left before they were in range to wonder if she had made the right choice.

He just may escape the Time War, especially armed with the false knowledge that he survived it but was the cost worth it? Was it a hidden blessing or a heavy curse to have him waiting for a reunion that would never happen? It might keep him alive long enough to find himself new loves or he might spend the rest of his days in exile, wasting his life on a long dead wife.

Well there was no time for that now. What's done was done and there was nothing she could do about it now. She believed she had been correct in telling a little white lie, if only it gave him a little more time. She felt the laser burn into her back but she didn't feel the second shot that cut her regeneration short.

Her last thoughts, staring at an ever darkening world at the door her husband had run through, were of her beautiful Doctor out there running. She hoped he never stopped, for he stopped for even a moment he might finally catch onto her lie. One last lie to save his life, was that really so bad?

The Doctor's wife died still unsure of the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to Still not Ginger of the Doctor's Gallifreyan Wife


	51. Signs of Affection

"It's not supposed to make that noise," River Song said, pausing for effect, clearly enjoying the power she held over him. "You leave the brakes on." He saw Pond snorting a little in his peripheral vision and he just knew that she wouldn't let him live this one down. Ever.

Hmph River Song, the mysterious woman from his future who would die in his past and somewhere in-between learned the answer to the most dangerous question in the universe. And after knowing him for who knows how long, she really didn't think he knew how to properly fly the TARDIS?

He knew the location of every lever, the feel of every button, the way each toggle sounded when he toggled them. 900 years and he knew this ship better than he knew his own body which was admittedly fairly new so that really wasn't saying much. And that was what River was missing, what all the companions who thought they could fly the TARDIS missed. It wasn't about the buttons or the toggles, those were as interchangeable as his face. It was about the heart and soul of the ship.

When he'd originally borrowed this ship, a long, long, _long_ time ago, he hadn't realized that her level of sentience was much higher than normal due to a broken inhibitor which, now that he thought about it, was probably the reason she was in the repair shop in the first place. When he first discovered his ship's temperamental personality he'd become upset and frustrated. She wouldn't take him anywhere he wanted to go with Susan and the chameleon circuit wouldn't work properly which made the very young Doctor incredibly cross.

 _Well that's what he got for stealing a faulty TARDIS in the first place,_ he thought with annoyed resignation. Next time he'd take the risk and steal a newer one...yes, next time, but for now they were in this together. It wasn't like he could just go back to Gallifrey and steal a different TARDIS and he simply didn't have the skills or the tools necessary to fix her himself. Whether he liked it or not, he was stuck with the dogmatic vessel for as long as he and Susan were away from Gallifrey. The only thing he could do was live with it.

Oh how he fought against that temperamental ship during those early years. He would spend the hours when Susan slept under the console trying to gain back some control only for the blasted ship to make his life a living hell for the next few days with cold showers, burnt food and a constantly shifting maze of hallways.

Day in and day out he muttered to himself about opinionated time machines that didn't work and silently accepted Susan's complaints that they had landed somewhere unexpected that was, more likely than not, populated by large bugs, cannibals and a large variety of other nasty things. For a while he suspected that the ship was _trying_ to kill them in the most horrific and creative way possible. And the incidents just continued to pile up.

One day on Sol 3, the chameleon circuit decided it wanted to be an Earth Police Box no matter how many times he tried to change it. She then thought it would be a good idea to tempt two human school teachers into the ship and take them to many dangerous and exotic locations. The Doctor had just about had enough of it when suddenly he found himself enjoying these wild adventures. Wasn't that why he left Gallifrey in the first place? Why he never felt more alive than when he was running from peril.

He remembers distinctly pausing while needlessly fiddling with the controls one day while Susan, Barbara and Chatterton were smiling and laughing around him and he felt his own lips curl upwards. Beneath his wrinkled hands, the console hummed warmly and he thought for the first time that maybe having a stubborn old ship wasn't so bad. He thought maybe that they might complete the other. So for the first time since he'd originally stolen- _borrowed-_ the ship, he called her beautiful and began to form a proper psychic bond.

Years passed, faces changed and humans, aliens and robot dogs went in and out of those Police Box doors but only the Doctor and his TARDIS remained. Together they grew madder with the endless passing of time and grew closer until it reached the point where you couldn't have one without the other. But it was the advent and tragic conclusion of the Last Great Time War that really cemented their relationship because now there really were no more options. Now the option of trading the other in simply did not exist and he noticed the change in their relationship immediately.

He became much more open with her, sometimes spending hours fixing her up while talking out loud to her. His ship became his priority on every adventure he went on and any time he was away for too long, he would worry until that big, blue box came back into view.

She stopped being so finicky to him, stopped trying to purposely trip him up and make himself look foolish in front of his companions, for the most part anyway. She reserved her usual torments of rearranging rooms and taking him to boring planets only for when he was being especially thick which seemed to be quite often. But most importantly, she spoke to him more.

Like any machine, all TARDIS's made noise but his had been always louder and more vocal in everything she did. But after the Time War that changed. Oh the engines had always made that funny wheezing sound but there was something else in there, that mental relay between TARDIS and Time Lord that only he could hear. Whispers of love and loss and happiness and grief. She wished him luck, told him she loved him and reminded him that he was never alone. For the first time in perhaps all of Time Lord History, the mental barriers between man and machine were completely broken down.

She was his and he was hers forever and always, cross his hearts and hope to die, stick a needle in his eye.

It was scary in a way, the level of commitment he had willingly signed himself over to the last being from his planet. Complete access to every thought that went through his mind, his every emotion and sensation was shared with her. But the Doctor loved his ship, loved her back on that day when she had first hummed to him and even more now. So listening to River tease him about the noises the ship wasn't supposed to make made him smile a bit. As brilliant as she was, River couldn't possibly hope to understand the bond he and his ship shared.

While the TARDIS wasn't technically supposed to make all that noise, she did because she could and because it was the only way she could tell him that she loved him. So he responded in kind.

"Well it's a brilliant noise, I love that noise." He smiled gently as the TARDIS hummed back. Yeah, me too dear.


	52. Under my Protection

"So do you come here often?" The man, a much older man as the Seventh Doctor noted bitterly, asked of Ace. They were at a little party on a small asteroid orbiting the rings of Saturn. The Doctor got an invitation from an old friend and Ace, feeling uncharacteristically feminine, had gone all out wearing a very flattering dress and doing her hair up in a clip. Normally it would make him smile to see how far his young companion had come in maturing into such a beautiful young lady. Except, of course, for the fact that every other being in the place seemed to notice it as well and were gathering around her like flies drawn to syrup.

He was only half listening to his friend as most of his attention was on the conversation between the man and his young ward. He knew that she was an adult and perfectly capable of making her own decisions but the thought of her with such a creep made his blood boil.

"-You know I was thinking of lighting myself on fire, would you care to join me, Doctor?" His friend asked genially and the Doctor nodded tapping his umbrella irritably on the ground as the man moved closer to Ace.

"Yes, that sounds lovely." Without even looking the Doctor knew his partner was rolling his eyes.

"Just go over to them, Doctor. You're not doing anyone any good by standing over here pretending to talk to me. Just do it nicely, I don't need you starting a fight in here." The Doctor tore his gaze from Ace to give his friend an admonishing glare.

"Come now, I'm a 900 year old Time Lord. Do you really expect me to get into a barroom brawl in the middle of party? I'd like to think I have a bit more self-control than that." The other man scoffed and gave him a friendly nudge in Ace's direction.

"Yes, but you must recall that I have daughters as well. Now go on, I think he's going to make a move." The Doctor whipped around to see that the man had indeed closed the gap between himself and Ace and was well within her personal space. Ace was starting to look a bit uncomfortable though she didn't push him away.

The Doctor tramped over effortlessly stepping between them while trying to mask the outrage on his face. He, the master of secrets and manipulations, was having trouble controlling his emotions. Would you fancy that? He cleared his throat loudly while Ace blinked up him with mild annoyance.

"Pardon me, Ace I just wanted to introduce you to that friend I was talking to you about. He was probably going to leave soon so I thought I'd let you know. He's right over there, the fellow in the black suit with the four arms. Yes that's the one, now go say hello, I'm sure you two will get along just swimmingly." Ace shrugged and tromped off hiking her dress up a bit revealing her boots which she wouldn't change out of no matter how much he asked. Once the girl was out of hearing range he glared at the man who snorted grumpily.

"Relax old man, I was just talking to her. I didn't mean any harm." The Doctor didn't listen to any more and grabbed at the man's cravat threateningly. He startled but otherwise remained quiet as the Doctor pulled him down to his level.

"Now you listen to me you heinous cretin. Ace is not a toy for you to play with, someone you can lead on and then leave in the gutter. She is a human being with colorful thoughts and emotions and more importantly she is my little girl." The Doctor pushed him back roughly taking delight in the wide-eyed expression on the man's face. "Now be off and if I see you talking to Ace, or any other young impressionable ladies this evening, I'll be sure you learn your lesson properly. Oh and don't worry about me, I've a time machine, prison means very little to me." The Doctor said adding a dramatic lilt to his little lie but it was enough to leave the man frightened and scampering away.

The Doctor smirked and made his way back over to Ace who was chatting amiably with his four armed friend. It was nice to see Ace associating with gentlemanly characters for once. It was lucky for her he was around to keep an eye on her. On the other side of the room the band started up a new song, a bit of catchy jig that Ace started tapping her foot to. She turned to him with a smile.

"Hey this is pretty good, c'mon let's dance, Professor!" He grinned as she grabbed his arm and started tugging him toward the dance floor. Meanwhile his friend crossed both set of arms and gave the Doctor a mischievous grin.

"You'd better go, can't keep your little girl waiting." The Doctor blushed; he always forgot how good his hearing was and instead shrugged. There was little point in arguing, somewhere along the way Ace had become very close to him and she would always be under his protection.

"Professor!" Ace said as she continued dragging him, he smiled and spun her in and began the soft jig. After a minute or two showing her the steps they were gliding along with the rest of the dancers. He couldn't help but notice Ace's bright smile as she got the hang of dance and began nodding her head to the music.

What a girl, truly one of a kind and, for the time being, she was all his. One day she'd leave the TARDIS and have a marvelous career without him. But until then he would enjoy his sort-of pretend daughter and protect her as much as he could. It was the least she deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 7 and Ace seriously are the cutest


	53. Love Triangle

The Third Doctor hummed a bit as he buttoned up his jacket preparing to help out the Brigadier with another mad chase. He ruffled his coat to make sure he looked his best. In the corner, the TARDIS sat impassively watching him. He knew that being grounded to one planet had been quite a blow to her so he tried to keep her near him and assure her that he'd get her up and running in no time. If only there weren't these periodic monster chases he'd probably be halfway across the galaxy by now. He turned around to show off his outfit.

"Well my dear, how do I look?" He asked throwing his arms out in a dramatic fashion. The TARDIS hummed in a way which could have conveyed either approval or disgust. He chose to believe it was the former. He walked forward to lovingly pat her panels. "Now don't worry old girl, I'll be back just as soon as I can. I just need to help the Brigadier; he'd been terribly kind to us by letting us stay here so I must pay him back. You understand, don't you?" She hummed in the affirmative and he patted her again.

"Right then, I don't want to hear any fussing, the longer you keep me here the more time I'll be away so I really must be off." He turned to leave but he felt a question being planted in his mind. He chuckled in affection and turned to face her again. What a lovely old ship he had.

"Oh you needn't worry about how I'll 'round, Lethbridge-Stewart was kind enough to give me an Earth automobile for transportation. I've been fixing her up in my spare time and I must say Bessie is quite the machine. I know you feel saddened that you can't fly but don't you worry about me." He felt alarm radiate from his ship and he frowned in confusion. "Come again?" He was then distracted by the sound of a horn honking and he stalked toward the door.

"I'm afraid this will have to wait dearest, that'll be Bessie and the Brigadier. I'll be back in a bit, we just need to stop this minor annoyance and I'll be right back." More alarm came from his TARDIS and he smiled at her from the door. "Oh you, don't go worrying about my safety. I'll be just fine, why I've got those human soldiers to watch my back. And of course there's Bessie. Now I simply must be off." With that, the Doctor closed the door and raced down to where the yellow speedster was parked.

Had he remained in his lab just a few moments longer, he would have felt his TARDIS seething in anger.

**XXX**

"I'm back dear, I would have been back sooner but the Brigadier insisted upon stopping for some food and rest for the soldiers. Honestly humanity is so fragile; it's amazing they made it out of the oceans." He said lightly hanging his jacket on one of the hooks. "Now then, let me take a look at your dematerialization circuit once more-by jove!" He said as he opened the door to his TARDIS only to find an ordinary police box interior. He blinked and closed the door only to open it again and find it still small, cramped and decidedly lacking in any technology. He frowned up at his machine.

"Now what's the meaning of this old girl? Let me into the control room this instant or you'll never get off of this planet." He took a step back at the angry hum coming from his ship as her doors slammed shut and locked themselves. He put his hands on his hips.

"Now don't you go throwing another temper tantrum. You know as well as I that we need to occasionally lend support to the Brigadier so I don't know what's got you so upset." He felt anger radiating from her felt like a slap and he sighed slowly stepping forward to put his hands on her frame in a placating manner.

"Okay now, settle down. I'm sorry I got mad at you but I can't fix whatever has made you so angry if I don't know what's wrong. You know as well as I that I'm quite the fool and without you to help me I'd be a babbling mess." He felt her calm down a little and he felt a strong projection of yellow enter his mind. He frowned over the image. Yellow? What about that color had upset her so?

"Is it Jo's blonde hair? I thought you liked the humans, old girl, what did Jo do to upset you?" The TARDIS groaned in the negative and added the image of a car on top of the yellow and it clicked.

"Bessie?" He let out a startled laugh. "Is that's what's got you all prickly? You're _jealous_ of Bessie?" She expressed her irritation at his teasing by slamming open the door into his face. He rubbed at his sore nose and gently stroked her door. "Oh my dear, Bessie's just a car; she doesn't come close to comparing to you. I need some way to get around this planet and the military vans the Brigadier uses are not my style. While I'm getting you fixed up I need transportation, I thought you knew that."

She moaned sadly and he patted her gently. He knew it was times like these that she, much like himself, longed for the freedom of the stars and any jealousy she felt for an Earth automobile was born out of self-pity for her own situation. A TARDIS wasn't meant to be grounded after all and he once again felt guilt for landing her in this situation.

"Tell you what, how about I give you and Bessie a chance to get to know each other, a girls' night so to speak. You can see that there's no danger of me running off with her and besides, you're probably tired of listening to me babble on all the time. It's about time you found another machine to talk to."

**XXX**

"Doctor this is completely ridiculous, an inane waste of UNIT funding. How am I supposed to explain to our accountants that I'm sanctioning a date between a car and a police box?" The Doctor ignored the Brigadier's complaints as they wandered down the hall towards his office. He'd tried to explain that the TARDIS was sentient and was feeling lonely and forgotten but the Brigadier wouldn't have it. He was an open minded man, but not _that_ open minded.

"Alistair," the Doctor paused letting the significance of the name settle in. "I don't ask for much and, really, how much will it cost? All I asked was for the grounds to be vacated for the night so the TARDIS and Bessie could bond. There's a great deal you don't know in the universe and I generally don't hold that against you but when it comes to the happiness of my ship I'm afraid I must put my foot down." The Brigadier sighed and rubbed at his eyes.

"I don't know why I'm even arguing with you, it's all set up. The men were given the night off, the area within a 2 kilometer radius has been secured and all the knickknacks you requested for this little date have all been set-up. I just wish you wouldn't treat me like a fool to ask me to do this as if that silly ship of yours is really- Good heavens!" The Brigadier startled when the Doctor opened the door to the lab to see the TARDIS and Bessie appearing to be having a good time.

Obviously they could not get the car inside of the building but the windows to the lab were opened allowing the car to peek in and have fun with the time and space capsule. He smiled to see the situation the two machines were in while the Brigadier's face grew pale as a sheet.

"Hello, just popping in to see how everything is. You two ladies having fun?" Bessie honked happily. "That's good now I hope this puts an end to any trouble between the two of you. I'll need both of you to get off of this planet." The TARDIS hummed a bit in acknowledgement. "Alright then, you two have a nice evening and be sure to put away the oil when you're done. We don't want to make a mess, come now Brigadier." The Doctor said pulling the man out of the room.

"I didn't know a police box could dance like that." The man breathed in awe and maybe just a bit of terror. The Doctor chuckled and gave him a friendly slap on the shoulder.

"My dear Brigadier, a beautiful ship like that, why wouldn't she dance like she's only 1700? Now then, why don't we head on down to your office and have a bit of that brandy you keep in the bottom drawer of your desk while I explain to you the scientific reasoning behind sentient machines."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you #TeamTardis or #TeamBessie?


	54. Agony

Donna quite liked being a genius and having the whole of the universe turning in her head. No wonder the Doctor was always jabbering on about something or other, he had so much knowledge in his head, it'd probably leak out his ears if he didn't talk constantly. She and the duplicate Doctor _\- oh yeah, she knew all about that now. Biological meta-crisis, highly improbable but **completely** brilliant-_ made quick work of the reality bomb and begun messing with the Daleks and Davros.

While the two skinny boys worked, Donna felt the first twinges of pain flash behind her eyes but she ignored it in favor of making the Daleks spin around in circles. Yes the Doctor knew so many great things _\- did you know that there was a whole planet where flies were the dominant species? Flies!-_ but he held such terrible knowledge as well.

Through his eyes she saw the Daleks slaughter millions, she saw his old friends die because of them and whole planets be destroyed in their quest for purity. She almost wanted to cry as visions of the Last Great Time War began playing in her head. All those people… How did that man do it? How could he possibly move past that? While on the outside she laughed and joked with the others, on the inside she was screaming. Is this what it was like for him all the time? Was he cowering behind every chuckle? She tried not to think about it as they started sending the planets back home but her now infinitely powerful mind wouldn't let it go.

She ran 'round the TARDIS trying to set it up so that they could all tow the Earth back home. At least now there were six pilots so this thing wouldn't be rattling about. Why couldn't it be like this all the time? Oh well because there weren't five other Time Lords to help fly this broken old thing of course. The thought of it again broke her heart and she distracted herself by helping Martha Jones _\- oh boy did that idiot Doctor wrong her, she'd have words with him later about that-_ with the correct levers. She took a deep steadying breath and looked up to see the Doctor watching her closely before looking away. She knew what he was thinking and he probably knew her thoughts as well, the same brilliant mind was shared between them and so the thought hovered in the air between them.

There had never been a human-Time Lord meta-crisis before and they all knew why.

She struggled to keep her hands from shaking as more painful memories assaulted her. She remembered when this poor old TARDIS had been stranded in that dusty old repair shop before the Doctor had nicked it. She remembered how the Master had stolen circuits from the ship and nearly caused it blow. She remembered how this old girl had wheezed and groaned in agony as she flew through the Dalek battle fleets above Gallifrey's second city piloted by a man who was not the Doctor.

And just like that, there was celebration and Donna was hugging everyone. It was a joyous occasion, the Earth was safe, the Daleks were gone and peace was restored. As she held Jack Harkness - _though not too tightly though. He didn't look so handsome now, in fact he looked so very **wrong** but she wouldn't tell him that. She was crass not rude-_ she couldn't help but feel second hand guilt for leaving him on Satellite Five and dooming him to immortality.

As Sarah Jane came over Donna thought not of the wizened woman, but of the spunky young girl who looked so sad as she was forced to leave the TARDIS when the Doctor returned to Gallifrey. Even the sight of Rose, whose very visage should have only inspired care and affection, brought only more sorrow and guilt. Davros had been right, she couldn't tell if the Doctor's precious companions were better off for having had him. His interference only seemed to make things worse for them. She hugged them all as if to apologize for something she herself had not done.

Her head was simply killing her now. The goodbyes were said quickly as one after another the companions left and took a little bit of her heart with them. Donna didn't know these people, but the Doctor did and he loved them so much that seeing them leave so casually must be killing him. And now it was time for the hardest goodbye of all. She kept her mouth shut at Bad Wolf Bay mostly because this was a private event _\- even if she did know all about it now-_ but also because she just needed a moment of quiet to get her head together.

Was she Donna Noble? The Doctor? A little bit of both but where did one begin and another end? Was she an Earth Girl or a Space Man? She was amazed she kept herself so still while the two warring personalities tore her mind apart.

As the Doctor stepped forward to say goodbye to his Rose for the last time, to leave her here in another universe with a copy, Donna died a little bit more on the inside. Because right now she couldn't see the beautiful Norwegian _-was it still called Norway in Pete's World? She would think about that later-_ beach, all she could see were the bright burgundy grasses and a happy little family. Happy until the fires and the Daleks stole them all away.

Donna had believed him when the Doctor said he had been a father before but now she could really see it, see their little faces, their smiles, the way they lovingly clutched at his coats. And she saw them all die, each one more horrible than the last until none remained. Afterwards, all he could do was run because there was nothing left for him and he refused to fight in this war until his death on Karn. Oh those beautiful children… And now the Doctor was saying goodbye to another loved one, it wasn't death but it was just as permanent. Her heart ached for him and she bit into her lower lip to stop herself from crying. No wonder he needed that second heart, there was no way he hold in all this sadness with just the one.

And then they were off again. Rose and the Doctor duplicate were off to begin their new happy life as the Doctor went on to more loneliness and misery. There was no one left who could really heal him; they only stayed long enough to hurt him. Why should anyone have to suffer like he has? And now he's got that face on, the one he wore earlier in the TARDIS that says that her time with him is up. She can feel it too, the overload of information was frying her neurons and her little human brain just couldn't keep up anymore.

But more than that, the weight of his memories were destroying her piece by piece; all the horrors and sorrows and heartbreaks and losses were hollowing her out. She closed her eyes as she wandered away from him and began babbling about something stupid, mountains in the breeze she thinks. She had to hold on because even though these memories hurt, even though the deluge of information was overwhelming; she couldn't leave him. Not like everyone else did.

He needed someone by his side to stop him and to help remind him that he could still find happiness. That poor man had suffered enough in his long, long life _\- much longer than she had initially thought the lying cad, and he called her out for trimming off a year or two!–_ and she would not add to that suffering. His happiness was worth a bit of a headache right? But the inevitable was almost upon her. There was only one solution, one terrible solution to save her life and it would devastate him. All he had now were his memories, when everyone he loved was gone all he had were the good times and now he was going to take them away from her.

He came over to her with those big, sad eyes and brought his hands to her temple. No she wouldn't let him; she wouldn't let him do this. Those were the best days of her life, if she lost them she would be nothing again. But she wouldn't even remember what she'd lost, she'd just be gone but the Doctor would always remember her. He always remembers the bad things because that's the only thing he has left to hold onto.

So she cried not so much for herself but for him because she knew what this would do to him. She could see him becoming vengeful and reckless and borderline out of control with grief. The loss of her friendship would tip him past the breaking point and would eventually lead to the early death of this incarnation and, God, onto the last body. As she lost every scrap of her memories of the Doctor, of their time together and of his whole life. She continued to cry for the sad old man in his box who would always be on the losing side.

So when Donna awoke on her bed a little bit later, fully clothed and feeling very frustrated; she couldn't help but finger the dried tears on her face. She must have had a nightmare, she thought as she got up to yell at her mum and granddad only to find them looking sadly at a spiky haired man.

There was something maybe a little bit familiar about him but she shrugged it off, maybe because it wasn't important or maybe because she didn't want to know. All she knows is when she calls up her friend _\- to talk about planets in the sky of all things –_ she thinks about whatever made her cry in her sleep. She never cries, not ever so it had to have been pretty bad. All she knows is that the nightmare is over and she can continue one not knowing that another's man's nightmare was only getting started.


	55. Forgiveness

Clara was asleep which was probably for the best. It had been an exhausting day and besides all that he needed a moment to himself. The Eleventh Doctor walked slowly around the center of his console taking in the glowing lights for a moment. The manic, gleeful smile he'd worn for most of the night had become a contented smile. In place of giddiness and joy he felt a more welcome emotion settle, relief, as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. She was safe; Gallifrey and all of her people were safe because of him. He may not know where they were at the moment but the empty hole they had left in his hearts was filled once more.

In an action alien, pun completely intended, to him; the Doctor decided to sit on the floor letting his long legs splay out with his head resting lightly against the console.

"You did it old fellow." He said quietly thought it sounded awfully loud in the empty control room, as if to reinforce the idea that he had, in fact, done the impossible. He folded his arms over his chest and resisted the urge to cry like a child. It had been a rough couple of centuries. He'd wanted to live his last body in peace with his Ponds but they too had been taken from him. 

Dealing with Clara's mystery and Trenzalore had nearly made him give up altogether. Give up on a cruel universe, on humans who never could stay long enough, on himself and the things he'd always regret. Except for this. For all the bad things that had happened to him and because of him, he had managed to rewrite his greatest mistake and save an entire race from extinction.

He smiled and brought his knees up and rested his rather large chin on top of them while his arms hugged them tightly. He supposed he looked a bit childish right now but that was alright. Tragedy had a way of aging him but now without all that guilt to weigh him down he felt free to express the wayward immaturity he never really grew out of. He smiled lightly, he was still guilty of innumerable atrocities but maybe it was time after so long to acknowledge them, accept them and move on. Now that the dark shadow of the Time War was gone he could finally see that for all the harm he caused, maybe there was some good in there too.

Especially him, well the other him. The Doctor smirked to think of that snarky but kind loving older looking man who despite his best efforts had still been the Doctor. That silly Doctor of War, and yet without him, this whole thing wouldn't have been possible. He'd had an edge to him no doubt, a weariness that spoke of many years of unrelenting hardship. The Doctor had hated that forgotten incarnation for so long, pushed him deep into his mind as if that could hide the evidence of his crime. He chuckled at that, no better than a young boy guiltily hiding a baseball bat in front of a broken window he was. But he had been good, that one; despite all the horrors of the war something in him had still shined. It made the Doctor smile as he looked over to the spot where he remembered his warrior-self had regenerated.

"You did good, mate. No matter what I or any of the others ever said about you, you were always the Doctor." He said quietly hugging his knees tightly. He was on his way out and he knew it, could feel it in his bones as every day that passed bringing him closer to Trenzalore and his final breaths. He thought he'd die as he was this morning when he picked up Clara, broken and angry at himself reveling in his unhappiness as a sort of penance for his guilty conscious. He never would have thought-Rassilon it had been so long and maybe he couldn't…

He shifted his head so his forehead rested on his knees and hid his face from view. He shook his head slowly as if to deny the tears that dripped down his face as he spoke the words he never imagined saying to himself.

"I forgive you," he croaked out hugging himself tighter. He let out a giddy little laugh at that which, for once, wasn't sad or broken or frustrated, but elated. "You did good this time you old thing and I forgive you." He laughed some more as he continued to cry the last bits of his grief away.

He cried for the children climbing out of the wreckage of the citadel looking at a million possibilities. He cried for everyone he'd loved and lost and regretted that they were not all here to share in this celebration with him. He cried for every lonely night he had spent contemplating just ending it all. Mostly he cried for himself. It had been so long since he'd been able to look in a mirror and not feel ashamed. A man with blood stained hands could never be forgiven, the only exception was when the blood washed off.

So he forgave that kindly old man, and the big eared grump, and the skinny emotional one and he forgave this young gangly body too. He continued to cry for hours hugging himself tightly as if he couldn't believe the lightness in his chest that he thought he would never again have. Four hundred years of anguish gone in a moment as he remembered what it was like to forgive himself.


	56. Fanclub

As much as the Fifth Doctor loved travelling all throughout time and space having wild and crazy adventures with companions; he found that this incarnation quite enjoyed a little bit of rest every now and again. He took a deep, relaxing breath as he strolled through a park somewhere in London. Yes, he really should do this more often, the constant stress of adventure couldn't possibly be good for his hearts.

Nyssa and Tegan had left him almost as soon as they'd landed ready for shopping in 21st century London, which was just as much an adventure for Tegan as it was for Nyssa. It would be nice for them to do something together and, quite frankly, the Doctor was relieved to have a bit of alone time to think. He adored those girls but sometimes a Time Lord just needed some space.

He hummed a little tune he'd picked up on Venus as he put his hands into his pockets. As it was such a lovely day out, he had his long cricket coat folded neatly over one arm. Yes this really was shaping up to be quite a nice day.

"I never thought I'd meet another person who believed in the Doctor." The Doctor paused at this, as one is wont to do when their name is mentioned, while he was just passing a young couple on a bench. He smiled and shook his head at the coincidence and was about to continue on when the man spoke again. "I thought I was mad believing in a crazy mad man in an old blue Police Box." At this the Doctor spun on his heels and leaned over the back of the bench to address the young man and woman who blinked up at him in surprise.

"Hello, terribly sorry to interrupt but you were mentioning the Doctor?" The Doctor said casually watching their eyes light up.

"Have you-have you seen the Doctor too? The tall skinny man in the trench coat with his disappearing Police Box? He was the bloke who saved us on Christmas Day with that spaceship hanging over London and all those people possessed you know!" The Fifth Doctor frowned, obviously a future regeneration, well something to look forward to he supposed. He smiled genially.

"Yes, I've heard a thing or too, might I ask your interest in him?" The young woman bit her lip to repress her smile and whispered conspiratorially.

"We're tracking him, he's obviously got to be some government big shot or-or like some special branch of MI6 what with all the things he's done. But nobody knows about him, I was just telling Elton here about this group of people who've taken notice and want to find him." The Doctor shifted uncomfortably.

"Well he might not be either of those; he could just be, you know, a nice enough chap who just happens to run into trouble every now and again and does what he can to help. It might not be this crazy conspiracy." The two humans gave him blank looks.

"A normal bloke with a disappearing Police Box?" The man added dryly and the Doctor shrugged.

"It could happen." The man rolled his eyes while the girl pulled out a little notebook and scribbled something down.

"Well, my name is Ursula and if you're ever interested in talking more about this Doctor, here's my phone number. I think we're going to get everyone together this Sunday so give me a ring if you'd like to come 'round. I'm sure everyone will be excited to hear what you have the say about the Doctor." The Doctor tried not to make a face as he accepted the hastily scrawled telephone number. Oh he was _very_ certain they'd be interested in what he had to say on that subject.

"Thank you young lady, I'll consider it but I'm afraid I'm not really from around these parts. Bit of wanderer I am which, speaking of which, I probably should be getting back to that, places to go and all." He said slowly edging away but Ursula and the man, Elton he recalled, had jumped right back into their conversation as if he hadn't even been there.

Walking quickly back to the TARDIS, he hastily plugged the woman's phone number into the computer. If this little organization started drawing too much attention to him it could potentially be very, very bad. UNIT was bad enough and he'd heard rumors of another shadowy organization. He frowned as a flyer appeared on the screen.

" _LINDA_? What an atrocious name," he muttered scanning the flyer that would be put up sometime in the next few weeks and relaxed slightly. It appeared that the group never really got big enough to cause him any trouble and it seems that they broke up only a few months from the current date if his estimates were correct. He frowned, strange, it looked like most of the members were never heard from again…

His thoughts were interrupted by Nyssa and Tegan bustling through the doors each with a gigantic armload of bags. Nyssa gave him a strange look while Tegan looked angry as usual as she dropped her bags to the floor.

"Did you do something, Doctor? In the stores, everyone was talking about this spaceship hanging over London and hypnotizing people. They said aliens were invading! I thought you promised us a day off to actually do something fun or did you get it wrong ag-"

"No Tegan, you got your day off and we'll be leaving now thank you very much. Just a little foreknowledge for an event I will be a part of in the future and avoiding a certain nosy LINDA group." He said irritably as he closed the doors and began take-off procedures. He couldn't risk those two humans coming across the TARDIS by accident, oh that'd be troublesome. Nyssa set down her own bags and wandered over.

"Who's Linda? What did she do?" He sighed as they slipped back into the vortex.

"Oh nothing really, just an annoying fanclub I discovered." He chuffed and preened as put back on his coat adjusting his celery. "And really, who could blame them? I am sort of marvelous after all. I can't believe no one's made a fanclub before."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During the Red Nose special Time Crash in which Five and Ten met up, Five referenced the LINDA fanclub from the Tenth Doctor story 'Love and Monsters'. How did he know them? This is how. And yes I do have way too much silly DW knowledge.


	57. Young Man

_Once upon a time the Doctor was a young child_

When the first incarnation of the man known as the Doctor ran from his home planet, he was barely more than a child in the eyes of his people. Oh he'd gone through all the necessary trials at the Academy and earned his title, but to a race that measured age in millennia, the two hundred year old Doctor was like an out of control child.

That old and aged looking body, which fooled so many people into thinking he knew what he was doing, held within it the burning soul of someone just starting out with everything ahead of them. He worked so hard, putting up his front of indifference and authority hoping that someone out there would treat him with respect. On Gallifrey he was a young graduate who barely passed his classes with grand and treasonous dreams of freedom, but out there in the stars, why he could be absolutely anything.

That silly old man, yet so young in heart and mind, got his real education out in the stars that he never found in the stuffy lecture halls of Gallifrey. It was an active education, one filled with strife and danger but the Doctor soaked it all up like a voracious student who was always ready for more. He was a child learning all he could so that he could prove that he was indeed smart and brave enough to play with the big kids. All that gruffness and sarcasm merely being a shield for his ignorance. It was so obvious that even the humans he stole, another hallmark of his immaturity, were able to see it.

Ian and Barbara, the first to travel with him due to his selfish and frightened attempt to protect the one good thing in his life, saw his reckless and childish actions for what they were. They were teachers after all, molding young minds is what they did best and that's exactly the task they undertook during their time in the TARDIS.

Ian helped guide the Doctor's brilliant but wandering thoughts and helped him hone his skills as a serious scientist and someone who could think on their feet. With Ian's help, the Doctor was able to learn and temper himself accordingly to use all that knowledge acquired on Gallifrey and during his travels. Meanwhile sweet Barbara brought out the Doctor's innate humanity that had never seen the light of day under Gallifrey's apathetic laws. She, both by example and passionate speech, was able to open his eyes to the people and cultures that the Doctor would have never known.

One might argue that it was best education he received, that ability to see and sympathize with people so different from himself. A man who had lived hundreds of years longer than two humans was still very much a child and they guided and helped him as often as he did to them. Even when they left him, their teachings remained and in times of trouble he would always fall back on their well-worn advice. He'd only wished that silly young man had had the sense to thank them for all their work before they left for good.

Other companions came and went each imparting lessons and teachings onto the still young Time Lord who thrived under their tutelage. Until came the inevitable time when he regenerated for the first time did the Doctor finally feel true confidence in his newly acquired skills and began to behave much more freely and childishly.  
  


_who then he grew into a petulant boy  
  
_

True, the Doctor was still terribly young, why 450 Earth years was nothing to a Time Lord, but he had battered around the universe for years now. He had seen things no other Time Lord had ever dared to, surely that meant he was all grown up? A young child just stretching his legs so to more quickly reach the wisdom and self-assurance of adulthood, he strived to appear more than he was. But with all the experience he had acquired, he figured he might as well have a little bit of fun along the way.

He acted the grown up when he needed to, lecturing silly humans when they behaved irrationally but truly he himself was finally embracing his inner child. There was no reason for him to be so stuffy like that baby Doctor who tried so hard to be grumpy and important. He was the Doctor after all, look at all the people he had saved! The lessons he had learned! He was young, true, so he might as well enjoy his life of wandering without responsibility. But even in this reckless and wayward incarnation the Doctor was always learning and growing and soon the wisdom of age came to him whether he wanted it to or not.

Taking on little humans from the past, Jamie, Victoria, even dear Zoe, helped the Doctor to hone the skills he'd learned from Ian and Barbara and he found himself a teacher in his own right. He guided them, proudly told them the little he knew of the universe and did everything he could to impress his companions. Like a teenager with a crush, he held his companions close because he still did not yet grasp how impermanent their lives were compared to his own. People and friends had come and gone in the past but never unwillingly and never without the Doctor's consent. To this young and silly Doctor, he could have travelled with those humans until time collapsed around them.

And that was the problem, the Doctor had not yet had enough experience with life and it's cruelties to understand that not everything works out and eventually every bright life must be snuffed out. To him, the Time Lords were of no issue, he worried not of their reactions to his wayward activities, he didn't dwell long on the consequences of his actions either to himself or the peoples he visited. He was simply content to do as he pleased. But it could not have gone on forever and soon the Doctor got the biggest lesson in his young life since Ian and Barbara had stumbled into his ship.

When the Time Lords eventually did catch up to him as they always would have, he got his first taste of true loss. He thought he understood but this was far worse than when Susan left him for love because he knew there would no consolation for any of them. Jamie and Zoe would return to the past, losing anything they had gained in their travels with him and the Doctor would be stripped of this body and his freedom. Like a kid caught stealing candy, he begged for forgiveness and demanded that they see things his way but, of course, they wouldn't listen. Why would older and wiser men trust the word of an unruly child who flaunted their sacred rules like it was all some sort of game? Honestly they probably though they were doing him a favor, putting him on a secluded planet as a sort of intergalactic Time-Out.

Surely, they must have thought, that would temper his childish urges.  
  


_before becoming a frustrated adolescent  
  
_

So maybe in his third incarnation, after such a devastating blow to his confidence, one would think that the alien Doctor would have grown up even just a little bit? Yes, probably, but not in the way the Time Lords had wanted him too. As many a wearied parent knows, sometimes punishing an unruly child will only drive them further away and the Doctor found his solace in the human race.

Stranded on that little blue planet, the Doctor spent much of his time sulking, lamenting over the unfairness of his exile and wishing for freedom. He mocked the humans he interacted with, flaunted his intelligence and tried to pretend that he was so much more than them in order to appease the ache in his hearts. But for all he commiserated, the Earth and it's people did him good as they always do. It did control his recklessness and wanton irresponsibility to an extent, making him more aware of his actions and how they affect not only himself but others as well.

It is really here that the echoes of the caring and passionate savior of worlds was clearly beginning to come into his own where before it had been aimless. He saw injustice and stopped it prior to this incarnation but perhaps being rooted to one time and place had made him more determined to help the helpless and to fully live up to his chosen title. But he was still so young with so much to learn from both humans and Time Lords alike. Even now he continued to draw on the wit and wisdom of the men and women around him beginning to form bonds that would last the entirety of his life. Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart in particular was the first human the Doctor could call a friend, he was not a teacher nor a silly student, but a man just as dedicated to peace and bravery.

The humans again showed him the importance of their friendship and how far a little bit of love could take him. But there was a distance this time that had not existed before, the loss of his previous companions still weighed on his hearts and it would be awhile before he opened himself up to the humans who he knew would leave him far before he was ready.

He was still a bit immature at times, he liked to remind his human compatriots at every opportunity how much cleverer he was than them. He selfish and catty and terribly bitter about his situation but inch by inch he _did_ grow up. He's not quite sure when it happened, he can't name a time or a date or a place when he suddenly realized that the universe, however wonderful, wasn't his own personal playground and did not owe him anything. It was a painful realization, as with any growing pains, but he got passed it and he likes to think he is better for it.  
  


_finally blossoming into a mature adult  
  
_

But even so that mad and impossible Doctor never really got the hang of 'grown-up', it just didn't suit him. So he thinks that perhaps no matter how old he gets, he'll always have that streak of immaturity wide enough to pilot a Dalek warship through. It's a comforting though in a way that no matter what happens to him, the heartbreaks and tragedies and sorrows, that some small part of him will still be that naïve young old man who stole a box of dreams looking for something more. Because the best of people, in his humble opinion, never really grow up much at all.  
  


_sort of_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its still amazing that I can go back and watch early Who and it's really easy to code 1, 2 and 3 as "young" whereas 10 and 11 come across as much older. Wild.


	58. Spoilers

So he was arguing with himself, _again_. The Eleventh Doctor wanted to roll his eyes; he really was quite the contrary person, why did he always end up bickering with other incarnations? Though he really did wish Dick van Dike would calm down a bit. Not only because he was at the moment very busy trying to free them from this prison but because the conversation was going into uncomfortable waters. Yes, he had forgotten certain things but he was impossibly old, it was to be expected. Not only that but if he tried to hold onto all of those painful memories... He closed his eyes as he continued to carve the vortex manipulator's activation code into the wall. He really wished Clara and Kate would hurry it up already.

"Where? Where can you be now that you can forget something like that?" His Tenth self demanded and he wanted to scream at the other man. He wanted to scream at him for being so bloody capricious and thoughtless and _human_. For wasting a precious regeneration trying to please a human shop girl and leaving this body with the burden of being the last of the Doctors. He wanted to tell him of the tombs, one on Trenzalore and one on the Library planet, that made him almost wish he could stop the running and just let it all end.

But of course he couldn't; it would cause a mess in the time lines and besides, he was the oldest. It was his job to reign in the wilder impulses of his younger selves and see this problem solved. But he could give the other a hint, one word to get him to back off so he could continue his work.

"Spoilers." The word hung in the air and it had the intended effect, the other's eyes widened just a fraction and for a moment he was silent. Of course this skinny idiot had a gob on him and he started right back up into the same tirade but the Eleventh and final man to bear the title Doctor likes to think maybe there was a bit more respect in the other's eyes. Respect that shows that he can maybe understand a little bit of the sorrow in his elder self's eyes.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

He was getting married again it seems, the Tenth Doctor groaned silently to himself as he straightened his tie. Elizabeth had insisted on getting cleaned up for the impromptu wedding and he and Chinny were just waiting in one of the side rooms. Miss Clara had taken one look at them and decided to take the youngest and, ironically, the most innocent of the Doctors out for something or other. He almost wishes they could have stayed to diffuse the suffocating tension in the room.

He let his eyes wander over to the floppy haired idiot he'd mercilessly mocked up until now when he really ought to have apologized. Because of his sentimentality, that man would have to end the line of Doctors. How does one go about apologizing for that? When his own time came, he'd explode in a fire of life while his boyish successor would feel his body fail him as the lights went out for good.

He looked the other man up and down. So that would be his last body, the one he would die in; how appropriate that he looked not much older than a university student when his eyes told a very different story. He could see every year etched in that man's eyes and he could see that not all of those years were pleasant. He swallowed a painful lump in his throat as he thought back to their conversation earlier and the terrible realization of who this man really was.

"She was talking about you." The Tenth Doctor said quietly, not intending for his other self to hear but it seems the other man did for he turned with a sad sort of smile. A smile that was equal parts pride and heartbreak.

"Yes, I was the Doctor who ran with Professor Song. Well, last body, it's not like there's anyone else it could be." Ten winced in guilt as the older Doctor continued. "All across time and space we ran from angels and fairytale boxes and the truth of us. The greatest adventure, the Doctor and River Song and the ending that never should have come." Ten looked down and decided he should probably redo his tie since he had begun to wring it nervously. Of course, it was his fault River died, maybe if he had loved and trusted her like this man did he could have saved her. Maybe he could have known the woman who would someday learn his n-

"Do we really tell her our-" the older Doctor gave a light snort at his panicked question.

"I'd say spoilers but there isn't much of a point, you know exactly what's going to happen. River Song, mad, impossible Melody Pond is the woman who marries you," The Eleventh Doctor grinned cheekily. "For real this time, not a pretend ceremony you can run away from." He said with a light gesture towards the window where the wedding preparations were occurring.

Married, really properly married again. He couldn't even imagine that, he'd been a widower for so long that to have a loving wife again would just be… simply awful since he'd know every time he looked at her exactly how her eyes would roll into the back of her head as she died. He looked at his older self with pity. This certainly wasn't pleasant pre-wedding conversation but there one thing he just had to know.

"Was it worth it? I mean knowing how it all ended right from the start, do you regret it?" The other Doctor sighed and leaned against the window looking out where a couple of Elizabeth's servants were putting up a tent. Eleven smiled, a terribly sad smile, and ran his finger down the side of the wall.

"You should have seen our wedding, to River I mean. It was the most jumbled, mixed-up thing imaginable. First of all it took place in an altered reality, on top of Cleopatra's pyramid of all places while I was hiding inside a robotic version of myself to avoid River killing me at a lakeside as arranged by a deranged religious order who had kidnapped her as a child."

What? Sorry but _what_? He didn't question it instead watched the sad, but peaceful, look on his future self's face as he reminisced on supposedly happier times. "Her parents were there too, please don't ask it's complicated, but to me, there was only her. And even though the whole universe was on the brink of collapse, I just remember thinking how beautiful she looked there and thinking that if I had to do it all over again, I would want to marry her." He let his head fall against the stone wall and Ten looked up to the ceiling to give the elder Doctor a moment of privacy.

"So I'm afraid I can't tell you if it was worth it or not. For every joy we shared there was just as much sorrow. Every meeting brought us one step closer to the day I gave her a modified sonic at Darillium- it was a wonderful date by the way. River forgot to mention that day at the Library that it had been raining, helped to cover the tears I guess." The last Doctor finally turned to look at him. It was… an unhappy picture he created. It was almost like looking at a once proud animal after decades of imprisonment at some zoo.

Like he had just had enough of everything, that he was almost relieved to reach his last life.

"I can't judge because I've been through too much with her. You have to make that call. You can't change it, believe me I tried, but I'm leaving it up to you to decide whether River Song was a curse or a blessing. I almost wish you'd retain your memories of this event. Then I could tell you to treat her better, to not spend so much time running away from her when you should have been running towards her and cherish every moment together." He smiled and this time the Doctor could almost see a semblance of happiness in the other's face and he had to remind himself that his future wasn't all bad. It couldn't be if River Song was in it. A knock on the door startled both Doctors from the somber mood and the other turned to begin playing with his ridiculous bowtie.

"Sir Doctor? Her Majesty is requesting your presence, all is prepared." The Doctor nodded before realizing that the servant couldn't see it and said.

"Uh yes right, good. Yes, I'm almost ready, be out in a mo." He cleared his throat and began to redo his tie afterwards taking a moment to play with his hair which had been surprisingly limp all day. Maybe in response to the palpable sadness coming off his future self. The other Doctor came up from behind him and gave him a friendly slap on the back. His nigh manic grin was back in place and the Tenth Doctor could almost pretend that the whole conversation had been nothing but a bad dream. And in a way it would be until the moment this body died and he woke up in the next one. The one with bow ties, fezzes and the saddest of Songs.

"Come on Doctor, cheer up, you're about to become the king of England! That's not something that happens every day, well not usually; probably on a bi-weekly basis I'd say." The floppy haired man clapped his hands together and wandered out the door. "Oh I do love a good wedding myself, I do hope they have nibbles, those little bite sized snacks. The Ponds had little hot dog things at their wedding, maybe some of those things will be there." The Tenth Doctor rolled his eyes affectionately as he finished getting ready. What a silly old man he was.

"Doctor," the other man turned and he put on a smile. "One last question, I noticed... back then that River was quite an attractive woman. I've always wondered and well, between you and me, could you tell me if she was a good kisser?" The other Doctor laughed, his eyes crinkling in a nice sort of way as he probably imagined a great deal of Professor Song's lovely kisses. He instead put a finger to his lips and cocked his head in a way Ten was certain was textbook River Song.

"Now Doctor, where's the fun if I tell you everything? There are some thing you need to find out for yourself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little addition from day of the doctor where 11/10 discuss not only 11's status as the final regeneration but also River. (It's also a little incorrect since 12 was the one to take her to Darillium but shhh)


	59. Unknown

" _Do you have any family yourself?"_

" _I don't know."_

" _Oh, I'm sorry. It's the war, isn't it? It must be terrible not knowing."_

" _Yes." Kathleen and the Doctor in the Curse of Fenric_

* * *

Kathleen turned away from him after her simple question and began rounding up the women's chess sets. While she was busy, the Seventh Doctor tried to push down the horrid feeling rising within him. He was white knuckling his poor trousers though they'd done him no harm but he couldn't seem to let go. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't understand, not really. She too was embroiled in a war that had loved ones pulled away from her but the war against Germany was nothing compared to the war about to explode on Gallifrey.

Right now it wasn't much more than a power struggle between his people and the Daleks. The Daleks would blow up a planet in the Kasterboros system and the Time Lords would put up more defensive blockades. They felt that, in time, the Daleks would yield to Time Lord superiority but the Doctor knew that the Daleks would escalate the war before too long. A few planets had already been lost as the Daleks tried to expose Gallifrey's weaknesses. At this point, his planet remained neutral but it was only a matter of time before the Time Lords turned their genius intellect toward war. And that was something the Doctor had hoped he would never see.

As Kathleen bustled out of the room with an armful of chess sets; the Doctor let himself relinquish his grip on his trousers and sink down to bed to rub at his forehead wearily. Since the war had started, the Doctor had been avoiding Gallifrey at all costs. He and the Daleks had a long and bitter history, his presence on Gallifrey would only increase their already impressive ferocity. The Time Lords too might take drastic actions if they had their favorite renegade there to lead their armies.

It had been so long since he had been home, since he had seen his wife and children and, like any family man, he constantly worried for them. He couldn't go home, he could barely even call them lest the Time Lords or the Daleks overhear and light the spark on the proverbial powder horn. The situation was so delicate at this moment that one false move could turn this cold war into a full out Time War. He shuddered to even think of such a thing.

He wanted to get his family to a safe place, pull them away from the dangers that loomed over their once peaceful planet. He wanted to hold them in his arms and assure himself that they were safe as long as they were with him. But it simply wasn't possible; his wife was very involved with the council and couldn't leave even if she wanted to. Besides, taking his family and running could be the thing that breaks the war wide open. He just had to leave them where they are though it tore at him.

It was why he was traveling the universe at an almost manic pace. There were few breaks between adventures for every time he slowed down, he thought of his family screaming as the Daleks barreled towards them. Ace had to have noticed his slight erratic behavior but thankfully she didn't say anything. He rubbed at his eyes, oh dear what a distractible old man he was. Here he was doddering on things he couldn't help when Ace was wandering about by herself with Fenric lying in wait to wreak havoc.

He hefted himself to his feet taking his fears and locking them in some corner of his mind. Taking a deep breath, he put on what Ace called his 'mysterious face' and sauntered out of the room as if he hadn't a care in the world. His family was safe on Gallifrey and there was nothing he could do for them at the moment so he'd better solve this crisis here and now. But soon enough this war would spiral out of control and while he could only wait anxiously on his TARDIS and hope that he would have the strength to save his loved ones.


	60. Damsel

"Tell us everything you know Doctor or I'll acquaint you with your internal organs." The thug said, holding a knife to the Fourth Doctor's throat who did his best not to look as frightened and uncomfortable as he felt. One, it would do him no good and two, he wasn't a coward... half of the time.

"Thank you friend but I'm rather attached to my organs and I'm not all that partial to breaking that bond." He quipped as he couldn't even squirm uncomfortably in in his chair. It had been a stupid mistake but one he didn't regret. He and Leela had been fleeing from a band of corrupt militants when they'd been cornered. Some of the men had been firing paralyzing darts and he had, quite heroically might he add, pushed Leela out of the way. It would have been quite glorious had he himself not taken the hit, forcing Leela to leave him to the mercy of his captors. It was for the best, he trusted Leela to go get help but he couldn't help but note how quickly she had turned tail once he'd been hit. _Fearless savage indeed_ , he thought with a wry smile.

"Tell us what you know and you just might live to see tomorrow!" the man shouted again as he backhanded him. The Doctor reeled back and rolled his sore jaw as much as he could. Ruthless thugs really knew how to pack a punch.

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't know much. I'm just a traveler, really, I'm not important in the least." He replied watching again as the knife came right up against his throat. The Doctor grimaced. This wasn't how he planned on regenerating; he just hoped his next body was a little more thick-skinned. Before he could contemplate what hair color he wanted in his next body (Maybe black again, certainly not blond, he'd never get any respect as a blond) a bedraggled young man stumbled in nursing a severe head wound.

"Captain, we're under attack! It's the rebels and they're being led by this crazy woman with a knife!" The Doctor from his chair beamed. Leela had come through and gotten the rebel faction to save him! While he didn't normally condone violence, he was willing to allow most anything to get out of here.

"Doctor!" He heard Leela shout as she was searching for him. "Where are you? Can you speak?" Meanwhile, the men around him scrambled into position. The Captain growled and retracted his knife causing the Doctor to sigh with relief only for it to be short lived.

"If he so much as breathes the wrong way, I want him dead, is that clear?" The men hadn't much time to accept to the orders before Leela burst and immediately set to work.

"Leela!" He shouted vainly, as if somehow that would lend his all-too-human companion assistance but in actuality he really wasn't needed. Between her sharpened blade, her well-trained muscles and her rather frightening demeanor Leela had disposed of most of the thugs and sent the rest running for their mothers. He grinned up at his assistant. "Brilliantly done Leela, I-" she rolled her eyes and with one clean slice, cut the ropes that bound him.

"There's no time for talking Doctor, we must go now, can you walk?" She demanded and the Doctor felt quite uncomfortable. This wasn't usually how this sort of thing went, he normally was the one saving the pretty human girl from harm and now he found that the tables were turned.

"Well, now you mention it, not really. They shot with some paralytic, should wear off soon enough. Why don't you get one of the rebels to help get me up?" Leela gave him a frustrated look and stuck her knife in-between her teeth as she grabbed him under his arms. "Leela, what are you-Leela stop, I'm far too heavy for you carry- Leela!" The Doctor flushed as the tiny woman fireman lifted him over her shoulder. She grunted a little under the excess weight but other than that gave no indication that she couldn't handle it. The Doctor gulped, not sure whether to feel grateful to have such a capable companion or absolutely terrified. "Leela I'm not sure this is a good…"

"Silence, you are injured and I am getting you out. You would do the same for me. Now we must return to the rebel base to discuss their victory and how best to solidify their new regime. The TARDIS is also located there. Everything will be alright Doctor."

"That's my line," the Doctor grumbled into her shoulder as she carried him to safety.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, dear."

Of course, by the time the Doctor was able to lift his pinkie; Leela had not only gotten him but the rest of the rebel faction back to their base. After setting him down on a cot, she'd gone through the soldiers one by one, congratulating them on their bravery and instructing them on ways to maintain order in their new society. As the Doctor staggered to his still slightly numb feet, Leela had been declared a national hero and songs were currently being written in her honor.

"Ready Leela, it doesn't look like there's much left for you to do here." The Doctor said snidely, grumpily putting his hands into his pockets. Leela tossed her hair over one shoulder.

"You are correct Doctor, let us go." Walking towards the TARDIS, he realized he was being a bit unfair to his companion and lightly grabbed ahold of her shoulder.

"Hey, you did good out there, kid. You sure saved my skin along with all these people and I'm proud of you." He smiled at her in that dazzling way that usually made his young ladies weak in the knees but Leela just huffed in annoyance.

"While I am glad you approve, Doctor I do not need your praise to know I did well. I did what I had to do and that is all. Now, are we ready to leave?" The Doctor grinned and slapped her warmly on the back.

"Ready when you are, Captain!" He said causing her to smile slightly and walk proud back to the TARDIS as if she owned the old girl. The Doctor scratched at his head under his hat. It was quite exhausting having such a self-assured, competent companion but he wouldn't trade his savage for anything.

"Doctor, are you coming?" He snapped to attention and trailed after the warrior. Pretty soon, people would be asking _Leela Who_ and he would be chasing after her in a short dress. He thought about this and decided he'd better stay where he was. His legs didn't look half so good as hers after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so begins the adventures of Leela Who and her damsel companion, the Doctor


	61. From the Homefront

_Major General,_

_The situation with the animated shop window dummies is well in hand and the threat has been neutralized. The culprit was revealed to be an alien consciousness called_ **the Nestene Consciousness** _which had plans for world domination had U.N.I.T not been there to stop it. This is further proof that the Earth is being threatened by extraterrestrial life forms and thus intelligence organizations like U.N.I.T are needed to be prepared for further attacks. In addition, we have finally found a scientific advisor to assist us who I believe will prove most competent. He is known as_ **the Doctor** _(_ see attached file #1963 _) and he is an example of alien intelligence though of the more benign sort. I had met him previously with the incident involving the Yeti in the London Underground_ (see attached file #541) _and I can vouch for his trustworthiness_ **Ms. Elizabeth Shaw** _, our initial choice for advisor, is choosing to stay on for a time as his assistant. This information is strictly classified and I trust you will use it wisely._

_Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, 1970_

**XXX**

_Major General,_

_U.N.I.T has once again encountered an alien race though they claim to be natives of this planet, coming from deep within our core. They are known as_ **Silurians** _and they are of reptilian persuasion, vicious and cunning and remain quite a threat to mankind. A small band of them was eliminated when we realized that they would never come to our terms. My scientific advisor, the alien known as_ **the Doctor** _, was not pleased with this action. Rest assured that should he get in the way of world peace than_ **the Doctor** _shall be appropriately dealt with. We must however consider that one day Earth will need to deal with other life forms. It is recommended that they be studied and negotiated with unless proven hostile. I await your verdict._

_Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, 1970_

**XXX**

_Major General,_

_A new threat has emerged and it warrants great care and attention. Another alien being, of the same race as_ **the Doctor** _, has appeared and begun to plot against the Earth. He is known only_ **the Master** _and it is he who was responsible for the reappearance of_ **the** **Nestene Consciousness** _. He is incredibly intelligent and dangerous and we need further funds in order to be better equipped against further encounters_. **The Doctor** _was able to temporarily thwart_ **the Master** _but further funds are required if U.N.I.T is to deal with this newfound threat._

_Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, 1971_

**XXX**

_Major General,_

_I do not appreciate your inquiries into the reliability my scientific officer,_ **the Doctor _._ The Doctor** _is no threat to U.N.I.T nor to anyone on Earth or any other planet. I have told you the problem lies with_ **the Master** _. Respectfully, I ask that you cease your inquiries and put your focus where it is needed._

_Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, 1971_

**XXX**

_Major General,_

_Another alien species was discovered, they are known as_ **Daleks** _ **.** They resemble pepper pots and have a large eyestalk. _**The Doctor** _tells me that they are quite a deadly enemy and I suggest that U.N.I.T be prepared for further attack. It would be much too difficult to put into words what happened during the encounter so I shall just conclude that_ **the Daleks** _attacked the Auderly house and were sufficiently repelled. I don't think you would believe anything else._

_Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, 1972_

**XXX**

_Major General,_

_I am sure that you are aware that U.N.I.T's UK headquarters temporarily disappeared for a period of a few hours. I am confirming this and informing you that the cause of this is irrelevant as it would be far too onerous to explain. I will simple state that it involved time and space travel, a rogue alien named_ **Omega** _and three versions of my scientific advisor_ **The Doctor** _running about. I request that you simply accept this fact as headquarters is back where it should be and I don't know how to answer your question._

_Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, 1973_

**XXXX**

_Major General,_

_Despite what your reports may claim I did not replace my scientific officer,_ **The Doctor** _. The man currently acting as advisor is indeed_ **the Doctor** _. You are well aware of_ **the Doctor's** _alien origins and his people have the unique ability to change their appearance when they're dying. I have faith that even though_ **the Doctor** _has changed his face, he still remains loyal to the Earth and to UNIT and will continue to serve us as he always has. I also am fairly certain he is sane, no matter what **Lt. Surgeon Harry Sullivan** has to say. He's probably just cross about being kidnapped._

_Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, 1975_

**XXXXX**

_Major General,_

_Regarding my undercover mission at the boy's boarding school I have absolutely no comment to make as I have no idea what happened myself._

_Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, 1983_

**XXXXX**

_Major General,_

_This time there were five version of_ **The** **Doctor** _ **.** As the incident didn't even take place on Earth I'm not even bothering to file an official report and for that you should be grateful. This is merely a formality to let you know that I am severely underpaid for the work I do for U.N.I.T._

_Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, 1983_

**XXXXXXX**

_Brigadier Winifred Bambera,_

_I sincerely hope you are enjoying my former position and I hope you're prepared for what's to come. I have been retired for many years now and I'm not altogether pleased to be called back and writing these reports again. When I was younger and more sure of myself, I thought that a well-written report could save the world. Indeed, the value of a report cannot be underestimated. However, I've found in my many years working with former UNIT scientific advisor,_ **The Doctor** , _that sometimes a report just won't do; especially when one is engaging all sorts of mad and impossible things. This latest adventure involving medieval knights and wizards was relatively normal compared to the things I have witnessed during my active years. I have grown weary trying to justify the strange and otherworldly to your ilk so I would like to state, for the record, that the affair was sorted by a man far greater than I and no typewritten paper will ever do it justice. If you're really curious to know what happened, come by my house on a Saturday afternoon for tea and I'll regale with some of the most marvelous stories that are almost too fantastic to believe. I find, however, that those are the best._

_Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, 1989_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it amused me endlessly to imagine the Brig trying to fill out the events of DW in paperwork form. Poor man.


	62. Matchmaker

There were not enough days like this, the First Doctor thought happily, days of calm and restfulness that suited this old body. They were parked on some planet, at the moment he didn't even care to recall the name, while Susan and the Earth woman Barbara contented themselves to wander about. A small smile graced his face, of course his love for Susan was boundless and eternal but even so he had become fond of stubborn yet kind Barbara Wright. Why at this point, he was almost glad she was traveling with them. A crashing sound behind him sullied his mood and he reminded himself that not _all_ of his unwanted passengers were as enjoyable.

"Chatterton, what did I tell you about being careful with those tools, hmmm? They are delicate scientific instruments not toys to be trifled with." He lectured, waving his cane in the direction of the clumsy human. Yes, while Barbara and Susan were doing, whatever it was females did when they were alone, the Doctor was stuck with Ian Chesterton as together they worked on repairing the TARDIS's confused systems. Ian, for his part, grinned sheepishly and hastily retrieved the fallen tool.

"Sorry Doctor, I guess I was just thinking." The Doctor clicked his tongue.

"Evidently not enough, young man," he replied as he swiped the tool from the human and inspected it for damage. "Now help me get under the console so I can check the configuration of the time rotor." Ian hummed slightly to himself as he helped the Doctor get his old bones down on the ground. The young man sighed forlornly and leaned against the console.

"I was just thinking about Barbara, what do you think she and Susan are doing now?" The Doctor furrowed his brow in annoyance, how in Rassilon's name was he supposed to work with this pretentious ape spewing such nonsense.

"Would you be quiet boy! I can't hear myself think over your jabbering!" He said tapping his foot in annoyance hoping it would deter the young scientist from speaking again, hopefully for a good long while. Sadly, the Doctor very rarely got what he wanted.

"Sorry Doctor, did you notice how lovely Barbara looked this morning. Her hair was done up so beautifully with that clip and that blouse and skirt just seemed to fit her so well, like it had been tailor made for her. Of course, she looks good in everything." The man continued to gush and the Doctor thumped his machine in exasperation.

"Good heavens man, you are completely besotted!" He paused after he said this because, up until this moment he hadn't noticed, but, indeed, Chesterton was completely in love with Miss. Wright. The Doctor blushed at the implications and justified his ignorance on the matter because Time Lords simply did not involve themselves in the affairs of humans. Above him, Ian sighed like a hundred trillion lovers had before him and would after him.

"Yes, I know. It started out as a small attraction when she started teaching at the school. I thought it would mellow out as we became friends but it only seemed to get worse. And now with all this nuttiness with time and space I seem to have fallen quite over the edge." The Doctor coughed, trying to divert the flow of this tedious conversation before it went on for too long.

"Yes, fine, now then, there should be a tool that's shaped like your Earth spanner, give it here." Another mournful sigh came from Ian as he placed said tool in the Doctor's waiting hands.

"What do you think I should do, Doctor? I can't stop thinking about her, every time I'm with her I just want to take her into my arms and tell her everything I feel. But I can't find the words to woo such a magnificent lady." The Doctor shifted uncomfortably under his console. He couldn't wait for the girls to return, if Barbara had any admirable qualities, it was the ability to leave the human male speechless.

"Well how should I know?" the Doctor barked, fiddling nervously with his tool wondering why it wasn't working only to realize after a moment that he was holding it upside down. The Ship made a curious humming noise and the Doctor could have sworn that the obnoxious thing was laughing at him. "I don't have the time or the patience to deal with such trivial human relationships, much less care about them." He huffed irately. Ian, meanwhile, leaned down to look at the Doctor curiously with a bit of surprise on his face.

"But Doctor, Susan is your granddaughter correct? Surely that means that you have a wife and children..." The Doctor pursed his lips into a harsh line. If there was one thing he liked talking about less than human love affairs it was his own torrid past. He snorted indignantly at the question.

"That is an entirely different matter, young man, one that has nothing to do with you. Recall that I am not of your world and your nosiness into my planet's customs is not appreciated." Ian pulled back as if burned and stood back up stiffly.

"Yes, why of course, forgive me Doctor, I didn't mean to unnecessarily pry." He said tautly before falling back into silence. Despite the blessed noiselessness which the Doctor had desired, a curious feeling of regret welled up in his chest. It had to be hard on the young man, being in love was chore enough not mention being so far away from all that he knew with only a grumpy old fool to go to for advice. Clearly Ian had been desperate to even consider it. The Doctor cleared his throat.

"Have you tried talking to her, boy? Barbara can't possibly know of your feelings if you don't communicate them to her. We're not all mind readers are we, hmmm?" He heard Ian shift on his feet.

"How do I start? 'Hello Barbara, now that we're between adventures with flying space squids and ancient Greek poets, let me tell you that I am very much in love with you'? Yes, that would certainly go over well." Ian remarked sarcastically. The Doctor groaned and put down his tool to massage his eyes. He didn't recall having headaches like this _before_ he took the humans aboard.

"You must be casual Chesterton, make her aware of your affections without outright stating it. Be kind to her, make her tea the way she likes it, little things to let her know that you wish to become her mate." Ian sputtered next to him.

"Oh no, it's not like that! I'd just maybe like to hold her hand, maybe take her to the cinema or something. I mean possibly in the future after we've dated for a while, if she consented, I would ask her to marry-"

"Hullo boys, we're back!" Barbara said cheerily as the doors opened and she and Susan bustled in cheerily. Ian, midsentence, froze before continuing with a dreadful melody.

"-Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!" He squeaked before swallowing and awkwardly playing with his feet. "Uh heh, the Doctor here wasn't very familiar with traditional Earth holiday songs and since time passes strangely here, I figured it's got to be Christmas… somewhere." He said trailing off while Susan and Barbara chuckled at his behavior and wandered off. Below the console, the Doctor banged his head against the floor. Perhaps there were some beings out there in the galaxy who were just not fit to pass on their genes.

**X**

It took Ian a bit longer than it probably should have to notice that the Doctor left him and Barbara alone quite often. He could think of countless times over the last few months when the old man would suddenly summon Susan away or drop them off and run off somewhere. He smiled to think that maybe the Doctor had a heart after all and had pitied Ian and his rather poor attempts to impress Barbara.

The little insistent nudges only seemed to increase after Susan chose to remain on future Earth with David, as if the man needed a young child to nurture now that his only family had left him… Not that Ian was calling himself a young child or anything. He smiled to think of the little impromptu dates the man had set them up on from touring old world Venice to cocktails on one of Jupiter's moons. That last one had been particularly memorable, he recalled with a happy blush, as it was there he received his first kiss from Barbara.

Now while Ian couldn't call what he and Barbara had a 'normal relationship', but he loved her and he knew that one day soon he would ask for her hand and he felt confident that she would eventually say yes. He sometimes thought about how he would repay the Doctor, without his persistence, Ian would probably still be twiddling his thumbs giving Barbara nervous, sideways glances. Anytime he tried to bring up the subject, the Doctor would scoff and say that he didn't know what he was talking about and then walk away leaving perhaps a bottle of Champagne or some alien flowers.

But now despite the adventures and the gratitude he felt towards the old man, both he and Barbara felt that it was time for them to leave the TARDIS and return to the Earth where, hopefully, a bright future awaited them. He felt awful about leaving the man, especially so soon after his precious granddaughter had left. Even so, he couldn't help but feel that they had just been the first in what would be a long, long line of temporary company. It was hard to imagine that now as he glanced at the Doctor's saddened face one last time before they were teleported to the Earth. For all his claims, Ian was positive that the alien Doctor was much more human than he ever gave himself credit for.

This thought was confirmed when sometime later, after he and Barbara had merrily celebrated their return, Ian found something in his jacket pocket. His eyes widened as he fingers closed upon a spectacular silver ring with beautiful blue stones inlaid into it. There was a small note attached.

**_I noticed this particular bobble caught your eye at the market the other day and thought I would save you the trouble of nervously buying and hiding it from your beloved. I must say my boy you've got good taste! Barbara will love it. I know you two will enjoy your lives together greatly. Good luck and be sure to think of a wearied old traveler every now and again._ **

**_Remember to hold her close and never let go,_ **

**_The Doctor_ **

Ian threw his head back and laughed as he carefully folded the note and placed it back into his pocket while he tossed the ring into the air and caught it.

"Doesn't have the time or patience for human affairs, does he?" Ian grinned affectionately, once again mouthing a thank you to that mad man and his even madder time machine. For all he complained about the peril and disaster, Ian would be grateful for what he got in return and would treasure those memories always. If only there was a way to send a wedding invitation to the TARDIS. What a toast he would give. He heard Barbara shuffling about in the other room.

"Ian? Did you say something?" He smiled warmly as he gripped the beautiful ring tightly.

"Just thinking about some advice the Doctor once gave me. Now say, do you have a minute? There's something I've been meaning to ask for awhile now."


	63. Fire

The Doctor has always been afraid of fire. He's not quite sure why, but it's always been there, always in the back of his usually logical mind burning like a dark secret. He distinctly remembered being in his third incarnation and watching a whole parallel world burning with him unable to save it. He spent days in the TARDIS afterward trying to come to grips with what he had seen, trying to understand why it had frightened him so much when he had seen so many equally terrifying sights.

He had seen Daleks wipe out millions of people, Cybermen turning humans into patchwork people devoid of emotions and hundreds of other ghastly creatures do all sorts of harm to innocents. But none of those horrors haunted him like the warm sticky feeling of a raging fire burning out of control around him, watching everything around him crumble and those poor people screaming as their flesh burned. He returned to UNIT trying to pretend that all was well but he suspects that the Brigadier saw right through him. He had been soldier long enough to understand that terrible fear even if he couldn't, not yet anyway.

Years passed, he changed faces every now and again but still that innate fear remained as apart of him as his very name. It was infuriating sometimes, he was a Time Lord and yet the thought of those flames was enough to make him quiver. It didn't even make sense, matches he could deal with and he quite enjoyed sitting around a campfire telling stories but there was something about an out of control fire that terrified him deep into his bones.

He'd always wondered, in the back of his mind between adventures, why those dancing flames frightened him so but decided in the end it was best left alone. Some doors should remain shut after just contented himself that he'd never know the source of his fear.

And then came the war, that terrible, terrible war. And as the Last Great Time War raged suddenly he understood with sickening clarity. He'd never before understood why the fires had frightened him so but now he did. It was a backlash. Time Lords weren't known for living linearly and that applies to emotions as well. As he stands there in the middle of a charred field watching his home planet burn, listening to the Daleks and Time Lords scream in anger or just out of terror, he doesn't doubt that this horror he feels could resonate all the way back to his Third self.

But this time the Doctor can't hide from his fear, can't brush it off as some annoying quirk and forget about it. The fire was real and the fire was now and it was destroying everything he loved. The Doctor felt a tear smear some of the soot on his face as his hands shook, wringing with uncertainty. The Doctor was really, properly afraid, more so than he had ever been in his entire life and this time there was no one there to comfort him.

All across Time and Space, every incarnation of the Doctor would stop and shiver, some might take a moment to loosen the collars of their shirts to ward off some imagined heat. The rest of them were able to either push away the unpleasant feeling and concentrate on the present or perhaps unhappily reflect on the war's outcome. All except for the one who stood there in the middle of that blaze at this exact moment, afraid enough to affect them all.

So for all the moments when the Doctor was safe and happy and in control of his life, he will always feel the echoes of the time when he wasn't.


	64. Familiar

There was just something about the human called Rose Tyler that the Ninth Doctor knew was special and it bothered him immensely. He'd gone for so long without companionship of any kind, since the War that's for sure, and then out of the blue he just picks up this human shop girl and invites her to travel with him. Oh he liked her plenty, she was clever and cheery and so kind-hearted that he felt like a better man being around her. But that still didn't explain why he felt so at home with her just hours after meeting her.

Back when he was young and stupid, he changed the companions like he changed clothes. He'd take them with him for a time and lose them in the end to death, random circumstance or simply their desire to be elsewhere. He'd told himself that he wouldn't go through that again, wouldn't play with the humans and their tiny little lives. He wasn't that man anymore, that man had been wiped out with the rest of the Time Lords. But here he was now with Rose; joking, smiling even, as if he didn't have the weight of numerous genocides on his shoulders. In a way it was freeing, when he was around her he didn't feel like such a bitter awful thing. He felt like, for the first time in centuries, he was the Doctor again.

He's leaning against the console while he waits for Rose to finish getting ready. He'd been needling her at breakfast about the marks on her face where she'd clearly slept on top of her cellphone and she, as usual, made some rude comments regarding the size of his ears. He smiled warmly at the memory. He knows he ought to be suspicious of the feeling of trust and assurance he got from a tiny little human girl no more important to the universe than the air he breathed but he simply couldn't. He just trusted her to love and guide him to be a better man, a better Doctor.

There was something about that girl that was… familiar almost, like a shadowy memory of a really good dream he had once had that he'd since forgotten. He hummed lightly, closing his eyes and imagined the impossible. He thought of clothes that were ripped and worn, filled with holes in a style that really wasn't Rose at all. He thought of a wolf spread across time and space which really made no sense at all. He thought of that big wide smirk, filled with goodness, sparkling blue eyes and an expression that said anything was possible. And he could almost fool himself into thinking, for just a moment, that maybe everything would work out after all.

"You need a nap already, Old Man? I can't have you nodding off so early in the day." He blinked open his eyes and the vision was gone replaced by ordinary human Rose Tyler with a teasing grin, her hair in a messy tail and a plaid shirt and short shorts on. He cleared the fog from his eyes and grinned back leaning down to give her nose a little flick. What a sentimental old thing he was, he'd really have to work on that if he wanted any respect from this girl.

But so much for fantasies, Rose was here, she was human and she was the best thing that had happened to him years. Though there wasn't anything tremendously special about her or her short life, the Doctor knows that, to him anyway, she may well have been the most important biped that had ever lived.

"Maybe I wouldn't need to if you didn't take so long to get ready; it's Disneyland Clom, not Queen Victoria's Ball, though maybe we should pencil that one in sometime. Vicky always knew how to throw a good party. What do you say Rose, would you accompany me to the ball later this evening? I would take the TARDIS but she's not very good on her feet so I guess you'll have to do." He said sticking out his elbow for her to take hold of. She stuck her tongue out at him but linked arms with him anyway.

"Jeez you stuck between a girl and box, story of your life ain't it?" He paused for a second, as if there was something in that phrase that was important, something that he should be remembering… "Oi are we going or not, you promised me a Clom stick! I don't know what that is but you promised it!" He grinned and walked her over to the doors, opening them gracefully with one hand.

"Oh just you wait Rose Tyler, the best Disneyland of them in my opinion. Are you ready? Because the moment is here." He said with a grin not really understanding that a few hundred years ago, those were the most important words he had ever heard. But that's the thing with people and memories and _moments_ , sometimes you come across them again when you take the long way around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rose being the Moment in Day of the Doctor was a bit of a self-fulfilling paradox. She takes that form before the War Doctor and then when grumpy Nine runs into her, she gives him a sense of peace, of hope leading to the events that eventually save Gallifrey.


	65. Fourth Wall

"Sarah, would you mind moving a bit to the left?" The Fourth Doctor enquired lightly over the TARDIS console, not even looking up at his current travelling companion. Sarah Jane just rolled her eyes and continued adjusting the straps of her red overalls.

"I'm a bit busy at the moment, besides, I'm hardly in the way. You're all the way over there." She retorted and the Doctor gave her a quirky grin and pointed to some spot over her shoulder.

"I'm afraid you are, my dear, they can't see with you standing there." Sarah Jane blinked and turned around searching for these mystery people but saw nothing. She pursed her lips angrily having been caught up in the Doctor's mocking tricks once again.

"Really Doctor," she began huffily but the Doctor merely raised a finger to his mouth to indicate that she be quiet.

"I'm not joking Sarah, we are being observed thought not currently. I believe we're on, oh well I guess you could call it 'commercial break' right now. We don't have much time left before they come back though." Sarah Jane looked at him with a horrified expression as she quickly scuttled away from the area.

"But Doctor, how do you know? There's no one there, and even if there is who are they? What do they want?" The Doctor gave her a quick sideways glance before going back to fiddling with his controls.

"Well I'm able to see more than you humans are capable of so I can tell you that there's quite a bit of people watching us, millions, maybe more, I can feel the psychic presence in my mind. They're not confined to that one spot either; they follow me wherever I go. Right from my first encounter on Earth with Ian and Barbara oddly enough." He said casually, as if the thought of millions of people of watching him day in and day out was no big deal.

"Millions," she whispered quietly to himself instinctively getting closer to the Doctor but instead he gave her a mildly annoyed expression and pushed her a few paces back.

"Now don't start that, relax, it's perfectly safe. They've been following me awhile now and I'm alright, aren't I?" He said with a shrug but Sarah Jane, still a bit panicked, growled under her breath in frustration.

"Yes but who are they? Who's been watching you and for God's sake why aren't you doing anything about it?" The Doctor finally stopped his fiddling and fixed her with a small smile.

"Because they want to be entertained. I don't know who these people are, or if they are even people, but I can feel that that they just want to watch the adventure unfold, I feel their mirth when I'm funny, their sadness when I'm hurt and their joy when I'm victorious. The way I see it, this is my legacy, and a much better one than writing a dusty old book." His grin then became smug as he proudly adjusted his scarf.

"And besides, I always thought to myself that I would be good for the theatre and I suppose this is my chance to prove it. Tell me, which is my better side?" He questioned teasingly but Sarah still regarded him as if he were mad.

"Doctor I don't-"

"Shh, they're coming back, act natural. If they think that you've caught onto the charade you might have to leave the TARDIS, that's what happened to poor Miss. Shaw anyway." Her face grew pale and her eyes wide and she opened her mouth to say something but the Doctor shushed again, much more harshly this time which seemed to snap her back to normal but he caught her glancing toward 'the camera' for lack of better word nervously and he knew that she wouldn't be with him much longer. The clever ones never lasted long.

He always said that one of these days he would find out who his audience was and what they wanted with him. But the happiness of the children, almost a constant presence in his mind, stayed his hand. No matter how he did it, he was the Doctor and he made people better. Even if it was in such an unconventional way, the Doctor knew that out there somewhere, he was bringing joy. What more could an old man ask for? He grinned at Sarah.

"Now smile Sarah, it's showtime."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I did write this about the Fourth Doctor just to make a Fourth Wall joke. Also I'm gonna really out myself as a nerd. The red overalls that Sarah Jane is wearing in this shot are from her last episode. I can name /companion outfits/ how sad is that.


	66. Half Past Six

Melanie Bush was not quite convinced that this man was the Doctor. She supposes he was quirky like the Doctor was and this man was Time Lord who was wearing that ridiculous outfit her Doctor had loved when she'd first found him. But he was still so _different_ and not just physically.

She frowned and hung back slightly suspicious as this new shorter Doctor hummed at the console. Her Doctor never hummed, he usually just talked about his great personality or how peaceful the Eye of Orion was. He'd changed clothes now, she never thought she'd be sad to see that rainbow disaster go but now she wished more than anything for that eyesore in her vision. This new man, this new Doctor, wore a jumper with question marks on it and checkered pants. In place of bouncy blond curls he had fluffy brown hair and he even looked just a bit older than he had before. He was like a new person altogether.

She frowned to herself and turned to look at the floor as she wondered what would happen next. Would this new man still want her around? Or even if he did, would she be able to accept this new Doctor? She'd grown very fond of that mad man, she knew all his quirks, his habits and phrases and even how he liked his tea. But this new Doctor... Was he still that man she had grown so attached to? She didn't want to let go of her old Doctor, the one she had connected with on their travels together? She huffed, was it possible to care for both?

"I suppose this is all a bit of a shock to you." She was startled from her thoughts as the maybe sort of Doctor started talking and she noted for the first time that he had a bit of a Scottish accent. Just another thing about him that was different. He looked up to her and gave a small smile. "I'm still him you know, just as he was me. No matter what I look like on the outside, I'm still the Doctor." She shook her head slowly and walked over to the console.

"But that's the thing Doctor, it's _not_ you. The Doctor I knew was loud and boisterous and so terribly sweet and well he was _my Doctor_ and I'm sorry, I'm sure you're very nice and all, but I'm just not sure who you are yet." The man chuckled lightly.

" _Doctor Who_ eh?" He grinned and she found herself grinning back. She was surprised how easily the action came to her and she turned away in slight embarrassment. She really oughtn't be grinning with this replacement when she was still missing the other Doctor, the man who apparently had to die in order for this new man to appear. The thought of her silly Doctor dying made her eyes water. He smiled warmly as if reading her thoughts and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Well you are right Melanie, though I am _the_ Doctor I am not that Doctor whom you knew. Though I can't really tell who I am yet because I don't quite know myself. I'm brand new and there's a hundred million directions I could go in." He looked down as he pulled his hand back and started fiddling with the controls. "That's why I'd like you to continue travelling with me because I can only find my way with you. You brilliant people always show me the way I ought to go, you tell me when I'm doing good or when I make a mess of things and how to be a proper Doctor."

She looked up in awe as this sweet little man with his questions marks and kind eyes looked at her and realized that the Doctor really hadn't changed all that much. After all, only the Doctor could look at her with that much affection. "For all the fantastic sights and thrilling adventures, without you to help, there is no me." She smiled and walked over to him giving him a gentle bump in the shoulder which he playfully reciprocated.

She still wasn't sure she liked this new Doctor. He was so different and so strange and so very far away from the man that she had known. But he was still the Doctor she supposed, in all the ways that counted at least. He still had his silly blue box and he was still a mad man determined to fight all the evils in the universe and that would be good enough for her until she knew him better. She could get to know for this new Doctor and still care for the one now gone because they were one and the same. He had to be as the universe would always need a mad old Doctor about.

"So Doctor, I've been meaning to ask," Mel said causing her companion to look up and give her his full attention. "Why did you change? I mean one minute you were well, you and the next you were this whole other person! Is that something that happens often because I'm not sure I can deal with that. The space and time machine is hard enough to accept." The Doctor chuckled and bopped her nose and she felt a flash as she remembered the old Doctor doing that.

"No, no only it only happens in the direst of emergencies when my life is threatened. Just a bad knock to the head while the TARDIS was bouncing about started the regenerative process. I suppose I could have stopped it, it wasn't that bad of an injury but-" he paused and she noticed a nit of a faraway look in his eyes. "But I think it had been my- well his- time. I'm fond of all of my selves but sometimes they become so worn and frayed by the universe it becomes necessary to bring in another Doctor who isn't quite so damaged." He smiled sadly and Mel knew he was thinking of her, that Peri friend of his who he'd lost. But he came back to himself after a moment and gently lifted up her chin so she was looking at him.

"It's how I'm able to survive in the long term, think of it as a complete rejuvenation, a clean slate to remake myself to the man I ought to be. Sad though it may be, sometimes it's better to go than to stay. And one day, who knows how long from now, it will be this body lying on the floor despondent and grave; wishing for nothing but a good rest as I make room for the next one. It's called life, my dear and I wouldn't wish it any other way because, without it, I just wouldn't be me. All Seven of me!" She nodded and watched as he stumbled over to another section of the console as it began to beep. He sighed forlornly.

"Though mind you, I think I could've gotten another few years out of that last body. So much life left in the poor chap. What poor timing for the Rani to attack, oh the adventures I could have had in that beautiful body of mine, what fun we could have had." He moaned though not too seriously.

"We'll just have to make up for it in this body then." She chirped and he smiled.

"Right you are my dear, right you are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is technically about the shift from 6 to 7 but, in a larger sense, about the curiosity and suspicion of a new Doctor coming to the screen. I was very nervous about 12 which presented itself in this story.


	67. Cold Hands

"Here you are, Mister," Martha said breaking the calm but the Tenth Doctor didn't mind. He was really starting to like Martha Jones and not just because she handed him a freshly made cup of tea. He grinned up at her as he accepted the proffered drink.

"Thanks, put it on my tab." He had just about turned away when he heard her gasp lightly. "What, is something wrong?" He asked worriedly. They'd been here nearly 20 minutes, he wouldn't be all that surprised if some sort of disaster broke out nearby. Martha, her mouth still gaping a little, lightly shook her head.

"It's uh, it's nothing. Are your hands always so cold? If I didn't see you acting so normal I'd swear you had hypothermia." The Doctor relaxed a little, chuckling a bit as he took a sip from his tea.

"Just got around to noticing that, did you? Perfectly fine, it's just Time Lords run at a lower temperature than humans, 'bout 16 degrees Celsius." Martha hummed as she sat down next to him with wide, curious eyes that told him how young and eager she was to learn about other species. He knew he'd been that way too, a long time ago. He then paused as he took another sip and thought that maybe he still felt that way even after all this time.

"Sixteen degrees Celsius? That's nearly half of a human's!" She said excitedly, taking one of his hands. "I guess I didn't notice before what with all the running around we've been doing. So you don't even feel the chill? How do you react to other temperatures? What else is different about your physiology?" She blurted out, turning over his hand in hers and he reached over with his free one to rescue his mug. Still, he had to admire her enthusiasm.

"Well, in order, I do and I don't notice it much like how you humans don't notice the heat you radiate. I notice it most often when I'm standing still but it's not uncomfortable, it's just always been that way. Time Lords are very resistant to extreme temperature changes so that's not a bit deal. But right now I can feel your hand heating up my own, it's not uncomfortable per say, more like walking into sunshine after being inside for a while." He took a long swig of his tea. "And as for your last question, that's a lot of talking even for me. Despite appearance, our species are radically different. Just think of comparing yourself to a porcupine." Martha smiled thoughtfully as she finally relinquished his hand allowing it to begin returning to it's normal, cooler temperature.

"Is that why you're always grabbing hands? Because we're like a hand warmer to you?" She smirked and the Doctor chuffed in offense at her accusation.

"I do that to save your life, Miss. Jones unless you'd rather be trapped with witches and drug addled people, I don't want to lose you. Your kind is always wandering off, I need to keep you close or I-" He said, catching himself on the last bit as he thought of Rose and the one time he hadn't been able to hold onto her making him lose her forever. Rose, unlike Martha, had never commented on his physical differences and he suddenly found himself a bit self-conscious under the scrutiny. It was hard being the only alien in the room sometimes.

Martha seemed to sense his change in mood for she fell quiet and finally drank her tea as the last bit of the sun set. They sat there in quiet silence that was only slightly awkward, but then again, most things he did these days with Martha were slightly awkward. He supposed he made it hard what with him still trying to let go of Rose.

"Well, I think it's cool, pun definitely intended." Martha stated suddenly cozying up next to him until it felt like someone had draped a blanket over one side of his body. It felt warm and comfortable and he found himself relaxing into the heat. "Besides, you know what they say about cold hands." She said and he caught the glint of her teeth as the twin moons became brighter in the sky. He shrugged and he imagined she was rolling her eyes.

"Cold hands means a warm heart or I guess it'd be hearts in your case, wouldn't it?" He smiled at that as he shifted a bit to make himself a bit more comfortable with the human heating pad next to him.

"Yeah, I guess so." They didn't say much of anything after that but the Doctor felt a bit more warmth for Miss. Martha Jones in his hearts, cold hands and all.


	68. First Meeting

**Life**

_The Tenth Doctor didn't really know why he was at this rubbish old party anyway. First of all, the last few parties he'd attended had ended in absolute disaster and the thought of more chaos being unleashed upon unwitting party-goers seemed almost too cruel. He tilted his head until it rested on his palm as the speaker continued to drone on. Okay so that was a bit of a lie, he just didn't much care for archeologists. Honestly who wants to_ talk _about history when you could_ live _it? So distracted was he by the speaker's inaccurate telling of the building of the Pyramids of Giza that he almost missed the warm body slipping well into his personal space. He jumped slightly as he turned to see a pile of wild blonde curls._

" _Hello Doctor, it looks like I get a younger version today, how exciting, now let's go before he starts talking about Nefertiti, but then again, you know all about dear Neffy don't you?"_

_"I'm sorry?" The Doctor squeaked as he was pulled out of his chair and into the hallway._

_"Spoilers Pretty boy, now help a girl out will you? There's a pack of Weevils outside ready to tear the place apart." She said briskly as if this were an everyday occurrence._

_"What?"_

_"Just shut up and come on!"_

**_Is a process_ **

_The newly regenerated Eleventh Doctor was finally settling into his new skin. He finally got his neurons firing dealing with the Atraxi threat, he had his new travelling companion all lined up and waiting for him and his bowtie was strapped securely around his neck. He played with it briefly, yes, it had been awhile but he was quite certain that this was going to be a bowtie body. He was on the moon having taken a quick jump to break-in this brand new (and quite sexy)TARDIS and he didn't think it was too much to ask to take a moment without humans to just accept this new incarnation. Goodbye Doctor, hello... Doctor. So, about the cracks in the universe... The sharp tang of a vortex manipulator startled him from his thoughts and a woman smiled upon seeing him._

_"Oh hello Sweetie, sorry to pop in so suddenly but prison was really starting to wear me down. Hope you don't mind." She said taking a moment to puff her frankly ridiculous hair, moving about like she owned the place. He scrambled behind his console eyeing the suspiciously unconcerned woman in a very tight clingy outfit the Doctor was most definitely_ not _noticing. See that? Not noticing._

_"Who are you?" He demanded curtly. He didn't really feel he was in any real danger but people just appearing out of nowhere in his ship, the most secure ship in all of time and space, was enough to shake him up a little. Her eyes sparkled in amusement and he realized that she not only recognized the TARDIS but this face, this very, very new face. So a future companion then? No there was something about her eyes that said she was more than that._

" _Oh wow I must have arrived too early! When are we? Have you done Berlin? Lake Silencio? Mario Kart World?" His blank face must have spoken volumes for she laughed gaily and leaned seductively over the console and, red-faced, he forced his gaze to retreat above her neck. Hard work indeed. "So this is our first date yeah?" she said with a wide grin that caused his head to spin in all sorts of circles._

" _Wait, what? no, I don't-What are you doing here?" he demanded in a high pitched voice feeling completely out of his depth with this woman. He really hoped that this awkwardness wouldn't end up being a habit of this incarnation, but if this woman stuck around, it just might. He tried not to feel thrilled at the idea._

" _Oh_ _I am loving this. Is Amy here? Oh not yet! Wow and look at you, you really are brand new, still cooking you are." She said lounging in pilot's chair observing him like he was a tasty snack. "Right, you want answers. The short version, I'm from your future, long version, well, you'll get there eventually. Don't worry, you'll get used to it. Or don't, I quite like seeing you like this, all wide-eyed and suspicious. Doctor River Song, now why don't we go pick up Amy and do something about that bowtie."_

**By which**

_The Ninth Doctor sat on the bench and stared at his hands. He was on Earth somewhere and somewhen, he didn't really bother to look and in the end it didn't really matter. He was here and that's all he cared about. The planet just calmed him down like a cup of tea or a really good re-run of a sitcom and he needed a little calming right now. He'd just become the last of an extinct species, it was quite a lot to take it. He closed his eyes and wondered what he was going to do now. He vaguely registered the sound of footsteps in front of him._

" _Goodness I hardly even recognized you," a breathy voice said stooping in front of him and he opened his eyes to meet crisp blue eyes that radiated care and understanding. He snorted, he must be seeing things. He'd never seen this woman in his life and if she really knew him, she'd never look at him like that. No one would._

" _Look whatever you're selling I don't want it." He muttered turning away only for her hands to gently drag his chin back towards her. Surprisingly enough, he let her. She smiled warmly while her eyes widened in understanding and maybe a bit of awe._

" _My God you really don't know me. I mean I should have guessed by the face but still. This is your first time, I'd always wondered…" She said softly before shaking her head lightly. "He's told me about this, about this you, well you have or I guess you will. It's all a bit confusing but he, you, future you, told me to come here and pass on an important message." He was in the process of sneering at this woman who dared to talk about his future when he knew damn well that there was nothing left for him in this godforsaken universe except then she was kissing him. It was a soft, chaste kiss but there was a tenderness to it that soothed him and he knew all at once that this woman was no stranger to his mouth. She pulled back and winked in a way that was entirely too cheeky after such an intimate gesture but he found himself liking it anyways._

" _My name is River Song, I'm a student at Luna University and your future is just getting started Doctor."_

**_A few_ **

" _I now pronounce you man and wife." Said the minister slamming shut the bible giving the two of them dirty looks. The Tenth Doctor, still pale faced and wincing from where he'd taken a beating from that nightstick turned to his new bride with a confused and obviously horrified expression. She appeared to be enjoying herself far too much even with the pale scratches marring her otherwise beautiful face-he did just_ marry _her after all, might as well appreciate what he got- and her daringly low cut dress was a bit rumpled but amazingly not one of her curls was an inch out of place. She had one hand over her mouth to prevent herself from laughing out loud and it boggled his mind at what about this situation warranted outrageous laughter. The minister straightened his glasses and glared at the woman._

" _Now Mysgos is a decent God fearing planet and I will not have such a shameless harlot wandering about in the Devil's clothes defiling our pure home. I hope this union will redeem you of your wicked ways and you will settle your proper place." He smiled as he turned to the still slightly dazed Doctor and patted him warmly on the cheek. "If this good, wholesome young man hadn't agreed to take your hand and absolve you of your sins why I'd have taken your head right in the town square. Now Godspeed my children and take comfort in your blessed matrimony." As he left, the woman finally allowed herself to express her merriment doubling over, keeping one arm on his shoulder to keep herself upright._

" _Okay, what is it? What part of any of this is amusing? You were moments away from getting your head chopped off and you think that's_ funny _? Are you mad woman?" He asked as her laugher subsided and she wiped tears from her eyes. "Blimey you are mad, what are you even doing on Mysgos dressed like that? Married, again! I don't even know your name." She didn't even appear to be listening to him as she just grinned at some apparently hilarious joke and shook her head._

" _My God, we were always destined you and I. You don't even know me and we're already married! No wonder you kept smiling atop the pyramid at Area 52, we were already hitched." She giggled and he stared at her wondering just how he got himself into these situations._

" _Okay, just so you know, I'm a rubbish husband. I'm not good with picking up my socks or remembering to return library books and I can't pay alimony since I don't have any money and-" she cut him off with a kiss, not your typical wedding kiss but it was enough to set his hearts on a rampage._

" _I know that moron, that's not why I married you, then or now." Before he could even fathom what_ _that_ _meant, she smiled something gorgeous and decided that he didn't really care as she extended out her hand. "Professor River Song and I must say husband it is a pleasure."_

**Desperate longings**

"Doctor," River said stepping slowly down the stairs where the Eleventh Doctor was sitting under the control room in his swing. "I brought you some tea, you've been down here a while. I was starting to think you fell asleep down here." She said suspiciously as she handed him the mug and he couldn't blame her. Since he'd been down here he'd hardly tinkered with the TARDIS at all as he got caught up in his thoughts of better days that should have been. "Is everything alright my love? Do you want to talk about it?" She asked taking a seat on the second to last stair and he sipped his tea.

"Oh no, sorry, I guess I was just thinking." He said dreamily.

"About what?"

"About the day we met, from my point of view." River beamed, clearly happy to be in his thoughts and held her steaming mug closer to her heart.

"Oh really? Tell me Doctor, I know all about spoilers and all but could you just tell me, was it good? Tell me I was good." She said like a child seeking approval and he smiled sadly.

**Morph into**

" _Hello Sweetie."_

" _Dear God you're hard work young!"_

" _The Doctor. In the TARDIS. Next stop: Everywhere."_

" _Hush now, spoilers."_

**A thousand**

"Oh my Dear," he said lovingly drawing out the pet name. "You were magnificent, every single time." Seeing her confused face he laughed. "Meeting someone for the first time is special, especially someone like you so I try not to confine it to just one finite moment in time. I was thinking of all the first times we had, could have had, should have had and probably did have in a universe that's just slightly different than ours. There's only so much you and I can have River, I want to ensure that I can hold onto everything I can get. That our story plays out in the best way possible." River rolled her eyes and gracefully got to her feet.

"Sometimes Doctor I don't think I'll ever understand how that head of yours works." She said playfully, letting her hips sway seductively as she climbed the stairs. "The point of a first meeting is that it only happens once, that's what makes it special. What's the point in dreaming of all things that didn't happen?" She said already halfway out of the console room leaving only the fading echoes of her voice. The Doctor sighed and rocked ever so gently in his swing staring into the dark abyss of his tea.

"Because they were what you deserved, what _we_ deserved." He whispered to himself as he closed his eyes and thought of all that could have been.

**Meaningless wants**

_The Eleventh Doctor was running, there was something chasing him. He didn't really know what it and he really didn't think stopping and asking for species identification would be the best idea right now. So focused was he on running he nearly ran into a woman or at least he assumed it was a woman by the simply outrageous amount of hair and the dress. He grabbed ahold of her hand and dragged her along knowing that she probably wouldn't care to meet his pursuer either. She struggled against him, as she should, and he shot her a breathless but open grin to reassure her._

" _Hello, sorry, Doctor, monster, chasing, running." He panted in-between breaths watching her anger fade to curiosity as she quickly glanced over her shoulder. Obviously not liking what she saw, she picked up the pace with a mischievous glint dancing in her eyes and smile on her face. Clearly running from peril was not new to her, how exciting._

" _Hell of a way to introduce yourself. I'd have thought you'd have asked a girl to dinner before you dragged her into some dangerous scheme." He chortled at her spunk, already taking a shine to this girl-_ no _, he thought giving her a quick once over,_ this woman _\- and fighting down the snaking feeling that they'd soon be getting to know each other very well. There was something about her, her flagrant love of danger, her wild hair, her whole being that just felt right._

" _Perhaps another time Ms…" She smiled in a way that lit up her face._

" _River Song, pleased to meet you Sweetie."_

" _Likewise now run!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit sad of the Doctor imagining other ways he and River could have had their first meeting. The quote is by Robert Brault and if put together reads 'Life is a process by which a few desperate longings morph into a thousand meaningless wants.' which I thought fit the theme of hopeless wishing very well.


	69. Chess

The Seventh Doctor stared thoughtfully at the chess board in front of him. Melanie Bush fiddled passively with her hands while she watched him contemplate his move. She wasn't even a big fan of chess but the Doctor, this new Doctor, had insisted that a game would help close the rift that had sprung between them after his sudden change. Still, strange or not, she was willing to do just about anything to learn more about her friend's new quirks. But he was taking such an awfully long time! The last time they'd played he'd beaten her soundly within 20 minutes but now he'd been staring at that board for almost 5 or 6 minutes now. She wasn't that keen a strategist, he didn't need to think so hard.

"Doctor?" She asked gently only for him to roll his eyes up towards her as thoughtful, pensive look appeared on his face.

"Mel dear, where did chess come from?" She blinked at the rather odd question especially coming from the man who she was pretty sure knew everything. She couldn't even begin to answer when he shook his head and dismissed the question with a little wave. "No, you misunderstand. I was just thinking. The game of chess as you know it was invented by the Time Lords, by my people." He said finally reaching out to move his knight only for her to roll her eyes when he played with it only to set it back in it's original place.

"Oh really, I didn't know that." She said brightly, glad to have anything to distract her from the dreadfully boring game. She wrinkled her nose in thought. "Wait but if Gallifrey is in space, how come the Earth has chess too?" The Doctor grinned and tapped her nose.

"The Earth is in space too my dear and that was just the question I was pondering." He folded his hands under his chin and furrowed his brow as he thought out loud. "It's quite a little conundrum. It's everywhere now but there's no doubt that it originated from Gallifrey. I recall playing it as time tot with my fellows, long, long before the Earth had even begun to form an atmosphere."

"Oh well that's nice." Mel said trying to keep up her chipper attitude but the Doctor wasn't really listening to her anymore.

"So how did it get introduced to Earth?" He mused, tapping his foot lightly under the table. "I suppose it could have been that meddling Monk but that isn't really his style, he likes interfering with big historical events. Introducing a Gallifreyan board game seems a bit tame for him."

"You know a Monk?" Mel questioned trying to remind him of her existence but the Doctor only hummed.

"Oh yes, troublesome man he was. Now what about the Rani? Hmm no that isn't much her pace either. She never liked playing chess anyway no matter how much I begged. She used to throw pieces at me. Hmm what about the Corsair? Not many Time Lords leave Gallifrey you see Mel so there can't be too many options." Mel stuck her elbows on the table as the Doctor continued to ramble on. "Well, no. I just saw the Corsair a few decades ago, ran into him by chance. I mentioned the Earth to him and I feel he would have brought it up if he'd introduced chess to such a primitive planet. I suppose upon reflection he's not really the generous sort." Mel set her head in her hands as her usually boundless enthusiasm seemed to drain under his meandering. She yawned; she didn't even know what time it was, it was so hard to tell on this ship. It was probably late, it felt late at anyway. _I should probably get to bed_ , she thought as she stood up.

"That's nice Doctor, I think I'm going to bed now, we'll finish our game in the morning alright?"

"I suppose it could have been the Master, manipulation and mayhem seem to be his forte and chess is plentiful in both qualities."

"Doctor, I'm leaving, good night now."

"But how did he do it? When? Has he already done it? Or has an eviler, more terrible future incarnation of his has yet to go back into the past and instigate the spread of the game? Do I even have the right to stop him when it's become such an integral part of history? Would I have to go back and help him plant the game in the human consciousness? What do you think M-" he looked up and was mildly surprised to find that his companion was long gone. He turned around and found the little control room empty. When had she left? They'd been in the middle of a game, he'd been just about to move. Quite rude of her actually.

"Hmm, humans, such a short attention span. I certainly wouldn't keep someone waiting like that." He said grumbling as he began to reset the board when a chilling thought came to him. "Wait what if it was _me_ , what if I was the one who introduced the game?" He rubbed at his head as he searched his memory. "I've certainly been on Earth during that time period, dear me could I accidently have showed the humans how to play? I don't recall that, was I drugged? Have I even done it yet?" He fretted as he stood up and began to pace back and forth. "No, I couldn't have, that would be irresponsible oh but look who's talking oh dear maybe I have done it, or maybe I haven't! How am I to know?"

**XXXXXXX**

"Morning Doctor!" Mel sang, walking into the control room feeling much more refreshed. As she suspected, she had been exhausted and fallen asleep the minute she laid down last night. Now after a good night's rest she was ready to finish that chess game, no matter how long the Doctor took between moves. "Doctor?" she asked finding the control room empty. It wasn't like him not to be here when she woke up, she frowned anxiously. She wouldn't much enjoy wandering around this endless ship trying to find him, who knows if she'd ever come out? She was spared from a decision by the Doctor walking in through the doors with a proud little smile on his face. He tittered happily and brushed off his hands as if he were relieved of some great burden.

"Doctor? Where did you go? Have we landed?" She asked noting that the center console was still indicating that they had indeed landed. He walked across the room and merrily tapped her nose.

"Oh you know me, just out doing some chores."

"What sort of chores?" She asked as he went over to console to close the doors.

"Why introducing chess to the early humans of course!" He beamed.

"You what?" She squawked incredulously noting how pleased he seemed with himself.

"Well I couldn't remember if I had at any point and I couldn't tell in the future so I just decided that at some point I probably did therefore prompting me to go back and ensure that, yes, I was the one who brought the game to Earth reestablishing the time lines which were threatening to be re-written by the fact that I didn't know that I hadn't something I'd yet to do." He explained while Mel merely cocked her head.

"Could you repeat that?"

"Oh nothing, just ensuring I got my due credit was all. Now, how about some breakfast? I can make a mean set of chocolate chip pancakes."


	70. Citizen

"Doctor, might I have a word?" The Third Doctor looked up to see Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart leaning in the doorway of his lab with a curiously passive expression. The Doctor sniffed in annoyance and set down his tools leisurely, taking a long moment to wipe off his grease stained hands.

"Well I really am quite busy at the moment so I would enjoy a bit more quiet," he replied with only a little bit of petulance which he felt in this case was wholly justified. There was a large congregation of scientists coming to London for a convention this afternoon for a discussion on the reoccurring alien threat. The Doctor would have given anything to discuss his passion with fellow scientists. Sadly though, there were complications.

This was a very exclusive, very furtive event and only men and women with the proper papers could get in. U.N.I.T, of course, would have no problem allowing him but the matter of his non-terrestrial origin and lack of identifying papers ensured that the Doctor would not be attending. Liz Shaw would be going in his place, presenting the paper _he_ had put together especially for the occasion and discussing the nature of otherworldly creatures, of which he was very nearly an expert on but never mind _that_ , with people in their field.

So yes, the Doctor was a bit frustrated. Yes he was happy Liz could go and achieve fame and recognition for her own achievements in the field but he too desired a little more than this lab. This is perchance why he was not pleased at this interruption from the Brigadier, who was more than aware of the situation after the Doctor argued with him for days over it. Today, the Doctor just wanted to hide in his lab and have as little human interaction as possible. He really didn't think was all that much to ask after such a disappointment. The Brigadier gave him an irritated expression and wiped any imagined dust from his uniform.

"Now that is not the correct way to address your commanding officer, least of all a friend?" He said lightly before continuing. "And really Doctor, sulking will do you no good in this situation and if I might say you are behaving quite childishly, almost human I should say." The Doctor pursed his lips and angrily threw down his towel.

"Well this may be news to you but you are _not_ my commanding officer because I am, in fact, not human and therefore not bound to your irksome, pretentious rules. That's the whole problem, you humans are so caught up in what you deem necessary for ordinary life that so many worthy parties are left out! And all because I'm missing a few meaningless bits of paper!" Across the room, the Brigadier smiled just a little bit.

"No, you are correct Doctor. You might not have the proper papers but one Dr. John Smith certainly does." He replied pulling out a bag which contained several identifying papers. Upon closer inspection, the Doctor noticed that is was his face that was pasted on them. He blinked several times before he looked up to see the Brigadier critically eyeing what looked to be a passport. "Yes, Dr. Smith has everything in order, everything that would possibly be needed to attend this conference coming up. But, curiously, we can't seem to locate the old fellow and was wondering if you would go in his stead. Miss. Shaw needs someone to accompany her after all." The Doctor gaped like a fish, reaching for the papers and flipping through them as if he couldn't believe that.

"But no, but you said you couldn't- I mean-" The Brigadier held up a hand to silence him instead gesturing him towards the door. The Doctor grinned and gave a completely unnecessary lighthearted skip as he went back to his desk to begin preparing his things. Behind him, the Brigadier chuffed merrily.

"I had a special rush put on those and I do hope you appreciate it. I had to pull a lot of strings and threaten a good amount of people not only to bring Dr. Smith into existence but to get them done in time for today. They just arrived by post from Washington. Now we really don't have much time to dawdle; we must be on our way if we want to get there in time." The Doctor grabbed his cape and joined the Brigadier by the door with a wide smile on his face as he continued to look at the identification.

"My dear Lethbridge-Stewart, I am incredibly grateful but I must ask, why? Surely you wouldn't go to all this time and trouble for me to attend such a simple conference." The Brigadier nodded sagely.

"Quite right Doctor, I'll admit I have selfish motivations for getting you those papers. The fact of the matter is that due to circumstances out of both of our hands, you are to be here on Earth for a certain amount of time. While here, you are acting as U.N.I.T's scientific advisor and as such, I'm going to be needing you to have your papers in place when the people we work with ask for credentials. We here at U.N.I.T may be open-minded but the rest of planet is calmed by a well-documented gentleman." He clapped the Doctor on the back.

"Besides, since you're here and working for us for the greater good, so that makes you a citizen of the Earth. I know it's not quite what you had in mind when I met you all those years ago but as long as you have those papers, you will have a place here on this planet. Now, if you'll excuse me a moment, I need to grab something from my office before we leave." The Brigadier replied ducking into his door while the Doctor just looked at the papers, fingering them reverently.

He smiled lightly even surprising himself by the stinging sensation that came up in the corners of his eyes. Belonging, how long had it been since he'd truly felt welcomed? Had he ever felt that comfortable feeling of being surrounded by ones fellows? Certainly not on Gallifrey but maybe here on this small backwards planet out in the middle of nowhere, he could get a little of that. The Brigadier popped back, pausing in front of him with a concerned frown.

"Doctor, is there something the matter?" The Doctor dabbed at his eyes and shook his head.

"Nothing my dear fellow nothing," The Doctor replied thickly as he cleared his throat. "Just appreciating the kindness of a good friend and a quaint planet. Now let's go, we shouldn't keep Ms. Shaw waiting or she'll leave without us."


	71. Last Words

" _I can't give you everything you want, but here is what you need. You silly child- of course you are forgiven."_ ~Rejected final words for the TARDIS in the script for _The Doctor's Wife_.

* * *

Oh how the TARDIS loved her thief, loved him more than any other time capsule had ever loved their operator. Now it hadn't always been that way mind you. There'd been many years where they'd fought against each other bitterly but eventually their love had slowly grown over time until it reached the point where they simply could not be without the other. Their love was quiet and intense and visible to everyone but only the surface level. No mortal could ever understand how deeply the bond between Time Lord and TARDIS went. Which is why the TARDIS was pained to see him so saddened by the events of the Last Great Time War.

The war had broken him, in more ways than one to see his once bright eyes dimmed by shame and guilt. She knew he, like herself, had not belonged on Gallifrey and that he was destined for greater things after the war. But to him that meant nothing and she could feel the constant never-ending ache coming from him every moment of every day and it tore her to pieces. Her beautiful thief, too kind and too wonderful for all the cruelties that befell him. He deserved so much better than what she could give him.

She tried to ease his pain by picking suitable humans for him or taking him to planets that had lots of running and she knew it helped but they were only temporary solutions and did nothing for the long term problem. She knew one day, for a few brief hours in mortal time, her soul would inhabit a living body and she could finally tell him all the things she'd always wanted to tell him.

She'd tell him of a love that started in a TARDIS repair shop a millennia ago and continued to grow with each passing moment. She'd tell him that no matter how many companions came and went, she would always be with him through good times and bad. She'd tell him to open her doors the right way for once and then she'd ask him, properly this time, to run away with her and to always be by her side. Mostly about the doors though, really, a Time Lord as old as he should be able to read a simple sign.

Of course it would be silly to say such things because she knew that her thief already knew that. But she wanted to tell him anyway because she knew that she could not say what he really needed to hear. Her thief was crushed under the weight of his guilt over the fate of Gallifrey and it pained her that she had to keep the most wonderful secret hidden from him for so long. Timelines had to be preserved, she understood, but if only she could break the rules for one instant, she could tell him that he was forgiven.

Oh how his eyes would brighten as that terrible darkness threatening to eat him up was banished for good. His shoulders would sigh with relief now that such a heavy burden was lifted from them and real peace would settle in him at last. Because he would know, as he always did her clever thief, what she would mean if she told him that he was forgiven. Oh how she wished she could, in the time when they talked, tell him this glorious secret and finally ease his self-induced suffering.

But she couldn't, she instead would spend her last words to finally telling him hello after so many years and lifetimes without a proper introduction. It was sweet and the look he would give her was so filled with love that she knew, now more than ever, that she would never leave him. But it did nothing other than give him more things to mourn in his long life.

As he sadly piloted them away she wishes she could break the laws of time and tell him that happier days were coming, that the weight he felt on his hearts would soon be released. She consoled herself that it was coming, this body even, and all the heartbreaks he had and would still endure along the way would only bring him closer to the Day of the Doctor. To the day he saved them all.

This eased her soul as they flew away to more fabulous adventures because maybe, somewhere deep inside his mad and brilliantly timey wimey brain, he already knew. Perhaps he knew, just as she did existing across all of space and time, that just because something was lost didn't mean it was gone forever.

After all, if she'd told him in those final moments that he was forgiven for his role in the Last Great Time War; he'd have known that there was nothing to forgive.


	72. Stood Up

The Tenth Doctor licked his hand and ran it through his hair nervously trying to get it at the perfect level of gravity defying deliciousness. He held in his hands a bundle of carefully tied white tulips which he'd picked himself before coming here. He wore a nice black suit, the kind he only wore when he went to the most terrifying of battles complete with a brand spanking new black bowtie. For some reason, River Song gave him the impression that she liked bowties on a Time Lord. He rocked on his feet awkwardly, feeling out of place in his nice dress shoes. Boy, it sure had been a long time since he'd been on a date.

He swallowed nervously, he really didn't want to be doing this but he felt obligated. The memory of Professor Song's heroic sacrifice in his name made him want to give her everything he possibly could. A night on the town would never equal what she had given him but he couldn't live with himself if he'd let her die in vain, it was the least he could do. But this was it, no more; one date and he wiped his hands clean of the matter. He wasn't letting this woman get all tangled up in his life, not if he could help it.

"Doctor." He took a deep breath before turning to address the familiar voice only to feel the wind be knocked out of him. _Wow_. The last time he'd seen her, she'd been incased in a bulky space suit being chased by malevolent shadows, there simply hadn't been time to the time to note her curves. He had obviously noted her good looks but as she sauntered towards him in a low cut forest green dress that hugged her in all the right places, he wondered how the space suit, how any clothes, could contain her. Her eyes sparkled as she stopped just in front of him a wide, sexy smirk on her face.

"You sure do clean up well, I've forgotten how good looking this one was. I think I'll call you, Pretty Boy." He swallowed again at the low purr of her voice with those mischievous, glittering eyes. Well, he had to give his future self some credit, he certainly had good taste. "Thank you for your invitation." She said graciously, stepping back allowing him to grab her hand to kiss. Her eyes lit up as he bent down to peck the back of her hand rolling his eyes up to wink at her. He was pleased to see her blush and titter happily, tucking away a stray hair behind her ear.

"Well look at you being all debonair, it's too bad you lose all that with age." She said with a secretive smile, as if daring him to ask the questions they both knew she couldn't answer. What an infuriating woman, he thinks he likes her. "But it still is a treat; I don't think I've ever seen you so young before. I've only seen this face once or twice so it's a special night indeed." His mouth twitched at the reminder. _I am so sorry River_ , he thought wearily feeling his age, _but you're going to be seeing a much younger Doctor pretty soon_.

"Well then," he said rubbing his hands together to distract him from his gloomy thoughts. "Are you just about ready? I was thinking dinner, then a quick jaunt over to the Serian galaxy for some of the best ice cream this side of the Mutter's Spiral-"

"Exacusa me," a voice with an atrocious Italian accent interrupted the Doctor much to his annoyance. Here he was trying to impress Professor Song and this idiot just had to interrupt. "I need to a speak to ze young lady for just a momento." The Doctor eyed this guy warily as there was something about him that put the Doctor ill at ease. He was bit shorter than he was with floppy brown hair and bright green eyes with a large, obviously fake, moustache stuck to his face. Like himself, the man was impeccably dressed in a suit with a bowtie. The Doctor squinted; it looked _exactly_ like his suit now that he really looked at it. River meanwhile had a strained and awkward smile on her face eyeing the newcomer like she was torn between punching him and kissing him senseless.

The Doctor really felt like he was missing something.

Suddenly River laughed leaning over pat the Doctor's shoulder. "It's alright dear; it's probably just something about the coat I dropped off at the coat-check. I probably shouldn't have left those poison tipped blades in my pocket. You wait here and I'll be back before you know it." She said smiling sweetly, he was about to protest her leaving with some strange man when her lips on his cheek silenced him. "Alright?" He swallowed again and nodded his head as the strange man lightly took ahold of her elbow and led her away. "Right, now what is it, Sweetie?" He heard her lightly ask as they rounded the corner and disappeared out of sight.

Once River and her distractible curves were gone, the Doctor slumped against the wall and folded his arms still holding tightly onto the tulips which were starting to wilt a little bit now. They had dinner reservations in 20 minutes and he hoped that she wouldn't be long. Just because he didn't really want to be here doesn't mean he wanted to be stood up on his first proper date in Rassilon knows how long.

A minute passed and he frowned as he counted the floor tiles to pass the time.

Three minutes passed and he sighed loudly in irritation as if that would bring her back sooner.

Nine minutes passed and he started anxiously tapping his feet before finally settling on pacing back and forth.

Almost forty minutes and the Doctor had gone from annoyed to downright terrified. It had been far too long, something had to have happened and he bet everything he owned that it wasn't good. He whipped out his sonic and began scanning for her energy signature. He knew this isn't where she meets her end, he'd just come from _that_ one, but if anything else happened to her on his watch...

"Can I help you with anything, Sir? Is something the matter?" The Doctor spun to be greeted by a small man with a mildly annoyed look on his face, probably at the Doctor's antics. Maybe he was in on the gig along with that obnoxious waiter.

"I'm looking for my companion, what have you done with her!" He demanded causing the waiter to sneer.

"I'm afraid I don't understand, Sir…" The Doctor sighed loudly.

"Look she's about this tall, as curvy as a racetrack with big blonde curls that could eclipse the moon. She was called aside by one of your staff members and she's been gone nearly a quarter of an hour!" He shouted feeling his ire rise as the waiter's face shifted and he awkwardly began playing with his hands.

"Ah yes, I do recall the woman now. Quite a beautiful woman…" The waiter began nervously, the Doctor reached down and grabbed him by his lapels and drew him closer.

"Where is she?" He demanded only for the tiny man to shriek and duck his head.

"She left! She left with another man! I'm very sorry, it was quite willing I can assure you by the way she was er holding the young man." The Doctor's face lost all trace of his rage as he slowly processed the information. She…left? "I'm afraid we see it quite frequently Sir. Would you-would you like a free dessert to ease the pain?" the waiter squeaked but the Doctor wasn't listening.

He'd just been stood up on a date by River Song. He laughed incredulously, quietly at first but increasing in volume. The small man skittered away but the Doctor paid him no mind as soon enough he was doubled over laughing. He tried to use this date as penance, as a nice little present to rid himself of that impossible woman and she stood him up! He wiped at his eyes letting his laughter die down.

River Song! What a woman! She clearly was going to be doing things on her own terms and there was something about that prospect that made his hearts leap. It seemed he wasn't quite done with that woman yet and maybe he thinks that isn't really a bad thing.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

"Oh my God I cannot believe you just did that! You just stole me away and from _yourself_ no less!" River chortled as the Doctor, the Eleventh Doctor, danced with her a couple of galaxies away and a few hundred years from where the Tenth Doctor was, at this point in time, anxiously tapping his feet. The Eleventh Doctor shrugged and only answered by pulling his wife closer to him and relishing such a time when they could be linear together. He breathed in the scent of her hair and planted a kiss in her temple, not much time now…

"Oh I wouldn't feel too bad about it Professor. That stupid, younger me didn't deserve your lovely company this evening anyway. He needed to be taught a lesson was all." He said, swaying in time with the music. He frowned into River's hair at his pessimistic attitude back then, how he had thought he could just drop River Song like a sack of potatoes? No, no, that man needed to realize how precious the life he was dealing with truly was. River snickered, cuddling herself deeper into the crook of his neck right where she belonged.

"You take self-punishment to a whole new level. But you must tell me, for the sake of my conscious, how did you react when I just left like that?" The Doctor grinned and pulled back to look at her.

"Oh I panicked at first; I thought giant alien squids had kidnapped you or some such nonsense. Once I'd figured it out, I laughed." She quirked an eyebrow.

"You laughed?" He grinned and leaned down so his forehead rested against hers.

"Yeah, I laughed because I think I finally realized how much fun I was going to have with you in the future." She smirked at that and, pulling on his bowtie to bring him down to her level, she showed him how much fun she could give him in the present.


	73. Experience

"Doctor I feel ridiculous" Romana said holding her arms over her chest trying to appear disinterested but instead coming across as insecure. The Fourth Doctor smiled, for such a beautiful woman she sure was uptight. But she was still here, she'd put up with his quirks and radical ideas so far which was a good sign. She was brilliant and just on the verge of having an expanded mind, something the Doctor was in the process of trying to fix.

"That's okay, I believe there's something honorable in looking silly and doing it anyway." She quirked her mouth at that, a wry smile with so much sarcasm in it, it felt like a slap to the face. The Doctor found it to be incredibly attractive.

"Is that why you insist on dressing like that?" He gave her a light glare before turning back to the field. There were on Beta Teras, a planet in the Metraxi galaxy on the second planet away from the nearest suns. It was just past twilight and the setting suns cast long dark shadows making the dark purple grass seem near black as they swayed in the gentle breeze. They were far away from the small primitive settlements that had sprung up on the planet and there was a quiet in the air that was almost palpable. It was a beautiful night and the Doctor was glad he could share it with someone else. He breathed in deeply.

"What do you think Lady Romana? Isn't it beautiful out?" He inquired lightly, trying to pretend he wasn't studying her. She could be so great, he just knew it. If only she'd let go, or at the very least loosen, the constricting views Gallifrey had imposed on her. There was something about her, something different from all the other Time Lords he detested and made him friendly towards her. Here was another being as brilliant and capable as he was who actually had the ability to think beyond the shallowness of Time Lord Society. If only he could get her to see that.

She looked around the field, probably taking in all the quantitative details, noting the temperature and the time and rotation of the planet under their feet just as he was but missing the beauty altogether. He wondered if there were even seeing the same thing. She shrugged causing her dark brown curls to briefly jump.

"It's peaceful, which is rare when traveling with you and it's in a normal state for a planet of this size and structure. There's a small band of colonies developing which one day will become the sixth most populous species of this quadrant. There is nothing out of the ordinary here to warrant this visit so, if you would enlighten me, why are we here Doctor?" She said lightly giving him a mildly exasperated look. He groaned in frustration and reached down to grab a fistful of grass and stepped within her personal space to hold it up to her. He's not sure if he's delighted or infuriated that she doesn't react to this mildly intimate gesture.

"No, don't tell me facts, I know the facts. Tell me what you see from a subjective point of view. Don't look at it as an education; look at it as a life." He grabbed her hand and slowly dropped the grass, along with some roots and dirt, into her hand. "You see this; it's as alive as you and me. It is composed of millions upon millions of tiny, living cells each working it's hardest to keep this grass alive and thriving. Everything around us is breathing and living in some manner, and it is beautiful." He pointed up to the stars above them and watched her gaze follow.

"This planet we're on is one of a thousand, of a hundred thousand, of a million and every single one is different. Some have life some don't but each creates a delicate balance that allows the universe to turn. They have holidays and weird weather patterns and language taboos and secret handshakes that go back generations. There is so much out there, Romana, so much that we can never understand, but you have to try because if you don't you're going to be missing so much." She brought her eyes down to her level as he curled her long, thin fingers around the plant matter.

"I can take you back to Gallifrey right now if you want but if I did you would be worse off for not having this _experience_. New things are scary and I know a lot of the things we've seen and done have gone against Gallifreyan law but even you have to see that there is more than just the Citadel and the Academy and all that petty nonsense they tried to tell you was important." He put his other hand over hers and gripped it tightly. "This, this right now is what is important, you and me breathing alien air under the stars on a faraway planet where anything could happen. That's what it really means to live." He finally stopped, taking a step backwards to let her absorb his rather forward statements.

Because this was it, the deciding moment. Now that their business with the Key to Time was concluded it was up to her what she did with her future. Either she would choose to go or she would choose to stay. It was almost worrisome how much he wanted to her to stay. She looked down at the dirt in her hand gently rubbing the dark black soil and letting bits slip through her fingers. She pursed her lips and wrinkled her brow as if she were trying to understand a puzzle, she finally looked up.

"You are so strange Doctor, you say these treasonous things so freely and yet the emotion that you speak with..." She paused. "I know I should leave before I too am accused of radical thinking but I can't because I do not understand. I can see this dirt, I can tell you it's pH, how long ago it sprouted and the last time it rained but I can't see it like you can. What is it about this that makes you run away from a promising career on Gallifrey, what satisfaction could this possibly give you? Please tell me, because I can't see it." She said with no small amount of frustration opening her hand to let the dirt fall from her palm. Despite her rather heavy speech, he snorted with amusement.

She was trying, the dear girl, to get into his head and understand but she was tackling this the wrong way. You can't _learn_ to enjoy things, to see things from another perspective. It's something that needs to be awakened within you. He smiled at her as a thought came to him, maybe he had been teaching it the wrong way. He gently pulled off his hat letting it flop down to the grass; Romana tilted her head in confusion.

"Doctor?"

"Maybe you're right, if you can't see it then maybe you never will. You could still have a marvelous career back home; you'd make a lovely secretary I'm sure. Some people just don't have it, I'm afraid." He said casually as he unwound his scarf and dropped it next to his hat. Romana reeled back as if he'd punched her and forgot her confusion over his state of undress.

"Excuse me!" She said haughtily, bringing one finely manicured hand up to her collarbone while the other rested on her hip. "I graduated triple first in all of my subjects. I may not see whatever crazy things you do but I'm more than qualified for any high ranking job on Gallifrey. I shouldn't even be associating with a man who barely passed his test with a laughable 51% on the second try." She said angrily watching as he rolled his shoulders back allowing his coat to fall to the ground. He shrugged at her lazily.

"Oh I'm sure, I'm not denying that you're qualified, I just thought I'd show you a thing or two outside of the Academy but I guess I gave you too much credit. This is an awful lot for a young girl to handle, I expected too much of you my dear and for that I'm sorry." At this point he could barely hide his grin as he watched her get more and more enraged. Her eyes lit up and her fists shook as he slowly unbuttoned his waistcoat as he allowed her anger simmer and build up. He tossed it into the growing pile as she pointed angrily at him.

"Oh you insufferable-! I don't have to deal with this, I don't care who you think you are! You're just a renegade, a lunatic like all the others said. Now you take me back to Gallifrey right this instant, I don't need to put up with you and your heinous words anymore." He finally let his grin show and he leaned in real close to her, close enough that their noses were almost touching. She blinked at the unexpected closeness but did not move away.

"If you want me to take you back," he breathed slowly. "Then you're going to have to catch me." With that said he was off, sprinting along the downward slope of the field feeling the wind rush past him as his hearts began to pick up speed.

"Doctor! What are you? I- now you- get back here you fool!" He heard her shout only for him to grin at the sound of crashing grass behind him. He turned his head around to see her and was shocked to see she was right on his tail. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to run with someone who could actually keep up with him. He grinned even wider and increased his speed going as fast as he possibly could racing through the foreign field. There was a beautiful woman chasing him-out of anger true but focusing on the positives here- and a glorious moon beginning to peak through the clouds. He had never felt more alive.

"Doctor!" She was almost parallel with him now, panting in a very undignified manner but pushing herself just as hard as he was. "I don't get it, what are you doing?"

"Do you feel that?" He asked, gesturing with one hand toward his chests where his hearts were beating like mad. "Do you feel your hearts working harder than they ever have before? Feel the wind whipping your hair around in a way that isn't controlled or restrained? Feel everything you've ever worried about, your appearance, your duties, your responsibilities just dropping away as you stop thinking and start _being_ for a change?" He had slowed down a little but Romana was too busy staring ahead to notice and continued to race on as if the whole universe were chasing her, that or she had nothing to lose. He grinned as he eventually slowed down to a stop. That was it, he had her.

She went on for a little bit longer before slowing down herself and plopping unceremoniously into the grass. He slowly wandered over to her giving her some time to adjust to the influx of new things she must be feeling. When he finally reached her, she was lying on her back still breathing heavily but staring up into the sky with a wide stare as if seeing it for the first time. He sat next to her.

"If I might ask again Lady Romana, what do you see?" She didn't look at him but merely shook her head and continued to look at the glittering stars which were now appearing in greater numbers.

"I-I think I understand now." She whispered quietly, holding her hands up as if that would bring the stars closer. "It's just so big out there, I mean I've always known that obviously but I don't think I've ever given it any thought." She now rolled her head to look at him now. "I mean this is a planet, a level 2 planet in a relatively undeveloped section of the universe but it's more than that, it's-it's enormous and complicated and _real_. Rassilon, it's right here and it's alive right beneath our feet and I don't know what to say I can't even think of a way to put this into words." She said longingly as if physically pained that for all the beauty she saw around her, she couldn't properly grasp it, a situation he doubted the young Time Lord had ever experienced before. He smiled and leaned down to place a delicate but meaningful kiss on her forehead before lying next to her, their faces separated by centimeters at the most.

"Oh Romana, you've just taken your first steps into a bigger and madder universe. And I can tell you right now, even if you spent every single one of your regenerations thinking about it, you will never be able to wrap that brilliant mind of yours around this glory." He smirked, "pretty exciting isn't it? There's always more my dear, no matter what they tell you, there's always more." To his delight she smiled back and turned back to look at the stars watching with delight as they twinkled and almost seemed to dance in the haze of the atmosphere.

"Doctor?"

"Hmm?"

"Would it be alright if I stayed with you a little longer? I mean, like you said, there's so much more out there and I don't think I could bear the thought of leaving it all just yet. Would you mind?" She said quietly and he smiled lightly reaching over to grab her hand and bring it up to his mouth to kiss. He held her smaller hand in his own and felt her curl her fingers around his.

"There's nothing I'd like more." They sat there under the stars for a long time afterwards, they held hands even longer.


	74. Humanity

There was a myth that long, long ago when Lord Rassilon, founder of Time Lord Society, created his people that he took from them their ability to empathize. Whether or not this myth has any actual bearing is still up for debate but it is true that the Time Lords were known as a cold, unfeeling species. It could be seen as a logical move, the innate instincts for love being replaced by the more practical need for apathy which was necessary for keeping the universe in check. And it was that each subsequent generation of Time Lords only grew colder and increasingly more distant as they dedicated themselves to non-interference with the rest of universe. They did this because with their greater knowledge of time they could have upset the delicate balance of the universe. They also did it, largely, because they simply could not bring themselves to care.

This held true for countless generations of Time Lords, including the one who eventually take the title 'Doctor' though it may surprise you. It's nearly impossible to look at that sweet, mad man who loves so much it hurt him and imagine that he once was as unsympathetic as the rest of his kind. But as with every great accomplishment, the growth of the Doctor's humanity was borne from a bit of fate, and bit of luck and a dash of the impossible coming together.

It has been speculated that perhaps the Doctor, always an outlier amongst his own people even in the days before the running, had been blessed (or cursed) with a genetic anomaly. A misplaced amino acid here, a misfolded protein there could have been enough to give the Time Lord's cold heart a spark of empathy. The science and technology behind the great Looms is generally unknown but perhaps on that day so long ago when the Doctor was first brought into this universe; he unknowingly carried within him something special enough that would break millennia of Time Lord genetic engineering.

Others say that the young child was simply subject to an isolated childhood that caused him to develop radical ideas separate from the great Edict of Rassilon. With hardly anyone to call a friend on that stuffy old planet, the young Time Lord was free to develop his own ideas. Perhaps all alone, with only his thoughts and his tools to occupy his quick-fire brain, the Doctor didn't quite take to heart the regimented system of apathy taught to him by the very Time Lords who spurned his uniqueness. Perhaps, out of loneliness or anger or even shame, that young Time Lord forged his own path slightly astray from the one laid out by his ancestors leading to entirely unexpected results.

Of course a genetic mutation and childhood trauma would only explain so much, there would need to be a little extra push in order for things to fall together. The Doctor could have easily gone his entire life blissfully unaware of the plights of others and carried on as all other Time Lords did. But something made him flee from that life on Gallifrey. It is not the duty of this narrator to speculate on the circumstances that caused the Doctor and his Granddaughter to steal a TARDIS and run towards the stars. However, it's a fairly good bet that a combination of an unique outlook on life, a sense of restlessness and a curious and extraordinary set of circumstances were there to guide him to his destiny. But even then that Doctor, renegade though he was, was still just a grumpy old Time Lord with no love for anyone but himself and his Granddaughter.

Until one day, out of pure chance, two humans burst into his TARDIS while searching for answers to the mystery that was Susan Foreman. There was nothing particularly special about these two humans. One man and one woman, they were educators from mid-20th century Earth with no unique talents, relations or anything to make them stand out from the rest of their species. Except that they _were_ special for they were the very first and without them, perhaps the entire course of history might have changed. If not for those curious circumstances that brought those humans and Time Lords together in an old English junkyard then the Doctor might have never learned the greatest lesson of them all. Because without those silly little humans and their curiosity, the alien Doctor might have never learned what it meant to love.

Ian and Barbara had no idea what they were starting when they chastised the Doctor for his unfeeling behavior, when they begged him to do the impossible and save the innocents they came across in their travels. Their kindness and care set an example for the Doctor as they slowly but surely picked away at the little chinks in his Time Lord persona and brought out his true self. Perhaps it was luck perhaps it was destiny or perhaps it was just the natural flow of the universe. The love and care shown to him by two creatures so beneath him in power and intellect gave the Doctor the first seeds of his now legendary humanity a love that would last for eternity.

And it didn't just stop with Ian and Barbara either, no, each companion when they step aboard the TARDIS becomes a teacher of sorts. By following their lead, the Doctor was able to observe and learn about the innate love his friends felt for other life forms, like or unlike themselves. Each companion, no matter how long they stayed or what they did set an example for the Doctor to follow on how to love someone else more that you love yourself. And somewhere along this long and lengthy trip from Gallifrey, the Doctor began to embrace this newfound humanity and build upon it with his own good deeds. But for every bit of gratitude he received, every expression of love, the Time Lord always kept an eye on his role models to make sure he was doing it right.

Now one could argue that because the Doctor's love comes not from instinct but his conscious desire to be kind that negates the action in and of itself. They may say that love isn't something that can be learned, but must be felt in order to truly count as love. Certainly many of the Doctor's enemies would claim that it's all a front for that pretentious Time Lord fury that's always been there beneath his sweet and kindly veneer. But to the people he loves and who love him in return, it's not about where his humanity came from but the fact that he does indeed feel it.

Because maybe it's not about genetics or psychology or freak circumstances but the things we choose to be that really define a hero worth looking up to. A man who left home with a chill over his hearts now burns brightly and only for the beings of the universe, any one of them he'd sacrifice everything for. So if you ask yourself why you should care about this mad man, this savior or predator depending on who you ask, just remember this. His tale isn't one necessarily about adventure or romance or comedy or despair, true yes they are there but that's not it's _purpose_.

This is a story of one man from far away and long ago who through his years learned how to love all because of the wonderful, inspiring, heartfelt people he travelled with. It was over many years switching from body to body that the love he worked so hard to cultivate became entrenched in his every cell flowering into two hearts that loved more than enough to save the universe time after time. Each change of face, every new companion to learn from, every moment he is surrounded by the universe he loves, the Doctor's kindness only grows stronger.

So maybe the Doctor isn't the strongest hero you may meet, or the bravest for that matter but he is perchance the kindest and somehow amid all the war heroes, the ones stuck in that dubious grey area, maybe he's what we need now.

**Author's Note:**

> Want to better store some of my favorites from my DW collection I wrote in 2013. I won't add them all but clean up and post my favs.


End file.
